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I Tried To Do What I Thought Was The Right Thing To Do!

Hello, I was strung out on Meth for a very long time. One day I got caught with a very small amount of meth. I believe that me being caught is what saved my life. I am from Oklahoma and one day I decieded to get on a greyhound bus and go to California, where a so called friend had just moved to. I ran away from Oklahoma because I was on probation for something really stupid I did, it was only a mistaminer but the courts knew I was on drugs very bad and they wanted me to go through a program and do Drug Court. I did not want to do that so I found away to run away from it!
I went to california and I ended up leaving my friends house a few days later because they were drinking and he pulled out a gun and started shooting at her! I ran but she stayed. She was so drunk I could not get her to go with me! So I left her there. She did not get shot thank God! Well it was night time and man was it dark! I walked to the nearest truck stop, as I was walking I screamed out to God and say where are you? God where are you? I yelled as loud as I could and asked God to help me because I was very scared!
I made it to a very small truck stop and I set down on a rock and all I could do was cry my eyes out! A very sweet man walked up to me and asked me if he could help and stood me up, I couldn't stop crying so he just held me for a minute. I explained to him what was going on so he gave me a ride to the next town. Before all this crazy crap happened I had meet some people who lived in the next town, so I called them and I went to there house for the next few days.I started back doing drugs and ended up on the streets sleeping in old sheds and in big cardboard boxes! I did things that would make you want to get sick! I had no choice at first so i did what I had to and eat what I could find behind the KFC down the street. One of the employes noticed what I was doing one day and from then on if I was hungry he would by me food.Well to make a long story a little shorted I got put in jail for having drugs on me, I sat in jail for 2months. I was going crazy! I got out and had to do Drug Court here in California. It took me a year to get it through my thick head that if I just stop using drugs I wont have to go back to jail! So thats what I did!
I meet a man he was perfect at first! He spoiled me and did everything for me! As the next yr passes I start to see he is not very honest but he lies abut stupid stuff! I started to notice that some of his behaivors have changed and I knew right then what was doing drugs! I bought a drug screening1 kit and when he got home he got a suprize! I asked him to pee in the cup for me and he said I wont pee in it because I am very dirty! He admitted to using drugs around me and acting like I would not notices. I told him one more time and I am gone! If I ever happen to give you this drug test and u wont come to see me!YA !
Ok after about 2 weeks I noticed some of the same behaivores and I asked him to pee in the cup he did and it was dirty. So I made arrangementa to move out.
After a few months I recieved a letter in the mail saying I have a Warrant for my arrest in Oklahoma, so I decieded to go back to Oklahoma and turn my self in to fix all my issues there! I went home and found out how much trouble I got myself into there! I did not remember it all but the courts sure did! Ok so I tried to fix all the legal issues there and I did and I came back to California to see how My ex was and he has lost so much weight he looks sick! I move back in with him and he cant even get out of bed if he doesnt have Dope! Its making me sick! He just got an eviction notice and he acts like everything will be okay when in reality its not! I told him the other day "DO YOU REALIZE WHY YOU ARE LOSSING EVERYTHING EVEN YOUR HOUSE?" He said no! I reached into his drawer and pulled out his glass **** and I told him that this **** is the ccause of you lossing everything! I dodnt know what to do! I have to get away from him because I am getting so angry with him and I have resentments toward him! He lies about everything!
The point of this story is that I have tried to live right I have tried to do right! I have been good to everyone and I have lived for the Lord doing everything I thought I was suppose to do! I look back know and I ask myself why? I feel like I have waisted my time and along the way I have been hurt over and over again! My heart is completely block of from everyone! I do not let anyone get close to me and I dont wwant to allow my self to go throught this crap again!
I did what I was told to do and I did what I thought God wanted me to do and lets take a look at where it go me! IT GOT ME NO WHERE, BUT BACK TO WHERE I WAS MISERBLE, AND IN SO MUCH PAIN I DONT KNOW IF i COULD HANDLE ANY MORE! 
TinaLouise79 TinaLouise79 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 19, 2011

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Norcal or socal?

You can only do so much don.t let it destroy you too. Micah 6.8 is my favorite passage of the good book, "love tenderly, act justly and walk humbly in the presence of your god" is my interpretation. Mikel XOXO

The best part of Okla. is the part you see in your rear view mirror. I was raised there & had my share of problems also. I have found my solitude & have even enjoyed the last three & half years of my Life. Deut. 31.6 is my favorite scripture. XOXO Stephanie

Thank you so much!
Thank you to all or u guys! I am amazed at the fact that people really care and want to help and give support! U guys have made my day!

Glad to hear you're off the drugs! I was on crack for a while and drinking myself to death! I know how miserable it can be! Thank you for your story! Please add me!

We are not as wise as God is and often can not see the end of the path we are on. I hope your journey rewards you. You may contact me if you wish. To talk. Or to vent.

Thank you justbob45! You are a swI just might take you up on that offer here real soon. We will talk real soon! Bye for now friend!

You are quite welcome. You may add me or send me a message any time.

We are not as wise as God is and often can not see the end of the path we are on. I hope your journey rewards you. You may contact me if you wish. To talk. Or to vent.

Wow! ya I would chew his *** too! Life is crazy!

Life is a learning experience, I believe my ex was smoking crack b4 he passed. I saw signs. He was getting very mean and he lied 2 me alot. He denied any drug use. 1 day I'm going see him again n chew his *** out lol!