"Do you feel like a monster, yet?"
Every night, he asks himself.
"Why are you even alive?"
Harboring ghosts in his dreams, his mind is a haven for regret.
Guilt consumes when he awakes.
Another day, another mistake, another chance lost somewhere in a decision that he will make.
His broken life is without end.
Inside he feels like he's lived a thousand times.
With the familiar pain he feels, it's nothing new.
Purpose eludes him.
Joy is fleeting.
Every day he spends wanting, wishing, pleading.
He feels like a prisoner trapped in a cage, reaching desperately through the bars.
But he's too afraid to hold what he's desperate to get.
All out of heart left to give, he's trying to forget.
Slowly the desire grows.
But here in his cage it's okay to be afraid.
The landscape outside is riddled with landmines; autonomous machines mark the horizon, malicious in purpose.
Anomalous thoughts lead him down roads that have been battlefields.
Unable to forget the wounds, every memory is a blade; keen to cut, likely to slice away.
Struggling against the voices in his head.
At night, he asks himself a familiar question.
"Do you feel like a monster, yet?"
CatalystKasper CatalystKasper
18-21, M
Dec 1, 2012