Diapers And Cross-dressing: My Little Secrets

A little disclaimer to start off: Diaper wearing and cross-dressing in no way control my life. I can live without both and I live a pretty normal life outside of these two activities.
When I was three my mom had a friend over and they had just finished giving me a bath when the friend asked, “Patrick, how long are you going to be in diapers?” I answered promptly with “For the rest of my life.”
Here’s my ironic story.
I guess I’ve always had the desire to feel little again. The earliest memory I have is lying on the floor of my basement pretending to be a baby that was being taken care of by the powderpuff girls. This was when I was in first, second, maybe third grade. Whenever I would play house with the other kids, I’d want to be the baby. This is basically what I remember from my childhood. Let’s move on.
I remember in maybe 5th grade I started tying white t-shirts around my waist before I would go to bed. That felt fine, but it wasn’t enough. I started stuffing the t-shirts with pillows to add a little more padding and giving it a bulky feel. The first time I stuffed a pillow in a t-shirt I inadvertently ********** for the first time. It burnt like hell. Maybe my balls hadn’t had dropped or something. Around this same time period I took the comforter of my bed and tied it around the beam in my closet in attempt create one of those baby carrying things parents have around their torso. It worked fairly well, but I think I ruined my comforter haha. Anyways I kept *********** in my t-shirt diaper. This time I was doing it intentionally. It was a good feeling, something I had never felt before. It also got the thoughts of wearing diapers and being little out of my head. So it cleared my mind in that sense. I called it “getting the bad thoughts out of my head”. After ************ I would take off the t-shirt diaper and put on my regular underwear, which was boxer shorts. I did this for a long time, probably up until 8th grade, when I just started humping pillows for pleasure instead (which I still do sometimes to this day). It was less time consuming to do so.
During 7th grade I became fascinated with something else, girls clothes, and skirts especially. I mean, I didn’t even really know what a skirt was. The most burning question I had was if there was an under portion to the skirt. I later found out there is a different piece of clothing called a skort that has an under portion. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be wearing one….even though I had already worn one before. In fourth grade this expert on Native Americans came in to speak to my class. He had brought some Native American articles of clothing and after his presentation was over, offered to let some kids try them on. I REALLY wanted to try a piece of clothing. I raised my hand for each piece of clothing only to see it get passed to another kid. Finally it was down to the last piece of clothing. He said it was an apron so I immediately thought it was an apron that chefs wore. Well I raised my hand up and low and behold was awarded with an ‘apron’. I put the apron on and the girl next to me said “Those are for girls” and I told her “No, they’re for boys too.” Well I was wrong; this apron had turned out to be a skirt. Thanks for duping a nine year old kid, bro haha. Anyways, I wanted to somehow get my hand on a skirt, so I stole one. I went to ****’s one day, grabbed a skirt (which I later found out was a skort), took it to the dressing room, ripped off the tags, took of my pants, put it on over my boxers, pulled my pants back up, and walked out wearing the skort under my pants. When I got home I went up to my room, took off everything, and put the skort back on. It felt weird, but it felt tight and was kind of a turn on. I ended up ************ in that too. I became curious about girl things and girl activities such as makeovers, painting nails, watching girly movies, listening to girly music, the whole nine yards.
In 9th grade I finally succumbed to social networking. I created a facebook. One day I was bored and searched “diapers”. I found lots of groups about adults who liked to wear diapers. There were many pictures and at first I looked at them and I thought that the people were just trying to be funny; I just couldn’t take them seriously. Then I discovered that these people were just like me, although maybe they were a little more hardcore than me, but still they had the desire to wear diapers. I ended up creating a myspace account to further explore the world of Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers. I found a lot of people on myspace who were like me as well. I didn’t really socialize with any of them. They all had something wrong with their profiles. It was either they were fake, creepy, or they were gay (I have nothing against people being gay, but I’m straight, so no guys, and how am I supposed to talk to a girl if she’s a lesbian and wants nothing to do with guys period?). I started looking through the pictures these profiles had up. A lot of the pictures turned me on. There were anime pictures, captioned pictures (sometimes telling a story), and spoof advertisements with celebrities. For example, there’s a pampers ad with Lindsay Lohan and someone photoshopped a diaper on to her. This is when I knew for sure that wearing diapers or even the thought of was a turn on. The pictures of girls in diapers turned me on too. This is the stage where the diaper thing became a fetish.
I think it was 10th grade when I received an amazon gift card and purchased 7 medicinal diapers and an adult baby bouquet (which consisted of two adult diapers, a baby bottle, baby powder, and a pacifier). This is the first time I had been back in diapers since being potty trained. It was a great feeling. I was nervous about being caught so I stayed in my room and locked my door. I took off all of my clothes, unfolded a diaper, lied down on the diaper, put a ton of powder on me (baby powder smells amazing by the way), and then taped the ends together. This was the first time I had diapered anything. Too finally be back in diapers….well as I said before it was a great feeling. I ended up ************ again as it was still a fetish. This time period is the only time I have ever gone in a diaper since potty training. I won’t go into much detail. It was disgusting and I never want to do it again, although to this day I still remain curious about it. I’m just a naturally curious person. I went through those diapers pretty quickly and I ended up throwing out the bottle, pacifier, and baby powder to avoid getting caught. I also had received an Old Navy gift card and finally purchased a skirt. It was a pink skirt with ruffles. It was really girly and I loved it. Still have it too. I enjoyed wearing it over my diapers. That was another great feeling.
In the summer after my freshman year of college I purchased around 45 diapers, a denim skirt, a pink onesie, a sexy cheerleader Halloween costume (which really didn’t fit), a pacifier, and two bottles of baby powder all from amazon. I had a debt card now so I didn’t have to worry about using my parents’ credit cards or waiting till Christmas or my birthday to receive giftcards. I ended up making a second profile on facebook for this side of me where I could post pictures of me in diapers and the girls’ clothes. I also created a second profile on myyearbook (which is now meetme). I found a lot more interesting people from meetme than facebook mainly because facebook restricts social interactions to just friends. I ended up deleting that meetme account, but created a new one this past August. I have learned that what I do is somewhat an inspiration to some. They respect my bravery to be open about something not many people would be. I had thought about giving up the whole diaper thing, but me being labeled as an inspiration may keep me motivated to stay in diapers. Anyways, I still have a little under a pack and a half of diapers left, but I’m away at college and I keep them at home. At least there’s something good about being home. I love college.
This past summer I purchased a man thong from amazon because I was curious to how they felt. It kind of felt good, definitely a different feeling. I haven’t worn it very much for two reasons: 1. It’s at home 2. I like diapers more.
You may be wondering if anyone knows about this. I’ve only told one person that I know personally about my diaper wearing, cross-dressing side. I have known her all of my life and she’s one of the most amazing people I know, she just doesn’t know it. She didn’t judge me and said I was brave for telling her. She even offered to dress me up as a girl because she said she found stuff like that to be fun. Well that hasn’t happened and I don’t feel like telling her about it again, but it gave me hope that there were others out there who support me. Maybe my mom knows too. I came home for thanksgiving break last month to find my room clean and my thong right there on the floor next to the bed. Maybe she’s snooped around under my bed too and has found my diapers and other clothes. Who knows? She hasn’t confronted me about anything which is nice.
I guess this is the conclusion. The whole diaper and cross-dressing thing has become less of a fetish and more of a hobby. I don’t wear diapers that much anymore, even when I’m home and I hardly even cross dress. The interests in these two “quirks”, if you will, still remain and at times I get really strong urges to dress up as a baby or wear a skirt. I guess I still want to be babied and still want to do girl things. If a girl were to take care of me as a baby I’d feel really, really loved. If that same girl were to do girl things with me and teach me how to do them then I’d feel even better. That’d mean that she has looked passed my weirdness and doesn't care. Thanks for reading.
PattingTeam PattingTeam
18-21, M
Dec 9, 2012