Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Like You Anyway

It was a long drive, there and back, and I would have to wait for you for hours.
I went anyway.

It was cold and rainy and I was very tired.
I walked you anyway.

It was not my job but you would be hours doing this alone.
I helped you anyway.

You are terrible at drums.
I listen anyway.

The beaver might not survive without a tail.
I bought you a beaver tail anyway.

It was going to hurt and you wouldn't like it.
I said it anyway.

I was thinking the other day about friendship and I was wondering why I place so many conditions on it. When it comes to my family and children there is unconditional 'like'. I am not talking about 'love but more the way I let things ride and just enjoy their company more. I 'like' them no matter what. I want to spend time with them.

Maybe it is a level of dependence that creates that because I see it more clearly with my children and my blood relations.People whose status will never change. My dad will always be my dad. Yet spouses, friends, in-laws, co-workers, get a little more scrutiny, a little more judgement, a little less leeway.

Not always. Maybe it is just me.
Generalizations are never accurate.
Can you love someone but not like them?

I can always find another wife, another friend, another job. Does the disposable nature of the relationship cause me to scutinize the behaviour more? Do I judge them more harshly? Why do I always enjoy the company of my kids, my brother and sister, my dogs but others I tend to let annoy me more. Oh well, I'll just like them anyway! :-)


geetar39 geetar39 46-50, M 13 Responses Nov 9, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

This is sooooooooooooo true :)

It's good that you're so tolerant lol...oh and you really think wife, friend and job is that easily disposable? good write though.

No not easily disposable, just a different relationship. Blood relatives will always have the same relationship to you. Thanks for commenting.

Hmmm.....food for thought....thank you for sharing this.

Think on it a bit. I know there are holes in the theory.

great attitude...i wish i could like my family as you like yours! maybe if/when i have my own, i will have the same feeling:) i mean, people spend their whole lives trying to find love, and then when they finally have it, they forget what it took to get to where they already are....

Thanks FUF. I think you have something there too. Just curious how some relationships get a lot more leeway than others.

Very, very insightful. Thank you.

Thanks for commenting! What did you think was insightful? :-)

The idea that people who are not necessarily "permanent" in our lives sometimes have to keep earning their place it.

Yeah I think you get where I was going and I liked how you put it. One sentence instead of a whole story. LOL! Thanks BB.

This was really open and honest. Thanks for sharing :)

.snap. short sharp but true. Good story

..snap..short..sharp
Is that good? I better check the lingo. Thanks for stopping by. I see you agree. Oui? Non?

definitely !

OK...I honestly did give this some real thought, yesterday...I love it when things make me dig deep ....so here goes...

Love is the supreme investment. Love can heal or hurt....Those folks like, sibs, parents, kids and other blood relatives can take a LOT of energy, be it good or bad and that might leave you very very selective when picking the "like" group out for yourself.... Maybe because you know the closer the "like" group gets to your heart, the closer they get to the "love" group and you are just being protective of yourself cause you know darn well how much, commitment, time and energy YOU DO invest in the "love" folks"....... It sounds like you invest a lot in the "likes" too and being you're an "investor" in general, you might be just psychologically making a sort of a safety net for yourself......

I do think you can love someone and maybe not like them like a casual buddy..... Sometimes we love folks who have played a BIG part in our life growing up but we don't have as much in common with them as a peer....We LOVE them tons but we don't like them as a we would a buddy we just hang out with..... I hope that made some sense.....It was just an example that popped into my head......when I was pondering over this.....

Even if it made no sense at all.....I still like ya anyway!! :D

I think you are getting close to what I was thinking. Is it possible that love, I mean real love, is when we let go of even the slightest judgements and comparisons of another and just let them be them? They move in to the love group as you say. I am just wondering if it is even something we can consciously will or if it just happens. Is it a sublte thing? Why is it there with some people who have one type of relationship but not so consistently with others who have a different type of relationship? Is the answer really just 42?

Hmmm...now you're making me think even more!! But I like that so here goes again.....

I think there are a few different types of "real love" Family, friends, lovers all own a different brand of that love but to understand how we break those groups down and make choices for them we need to understand our own unique way of processing folks... I personally think judgements are NEVER a bad thing... They can become ugly and negative but even those still need to be looked at and considered when choosing folks to invest in... I think we ALL continue to judge, no matter how hard we try not to.....Judgement is just deciding whether we like something or not. It's a part of all our thought processes....People hate it when we make hard or unkind judgements but they like the good ones... So from my way of thinking it is impossible to "not" judge folks.... I also think making comparisons are just a part of thinking... So I don't get trapped by looking at what is wrong with what I think... Some folks do get trapped in their heads like that too... They make a mean judgement on how they think and that makes every thought harder to work with from then on....Instead....I look at what I think and do just what you are doing here... I ask myself..., "Why?" Then I get really analytical and figure out what it is about a person that draws me in. Here is where "judgement" plays a really important role in helping me pick out folks who enter the "like" group....

Chemistry is a BIG part of the like process....We think about chemistry in a romantic way but it is totally active in all our responses to people. I also think those senses go way deeper and wayyy past just the ones we work with all the times like sight, smell etc... I think we also feel intellectual and spiritual chemistry with folks.....

I do think that some folks just draw us right in with no effort because of this chemistry . I could never love a person outside my family if I didn't like them first.... I do think it can be very subtle and selective with some folks.... I might love the way one friend of mine might act in crowds but I may not like the way she treats her animals.... Here is where it gets twisted..... So this person will always live in the removed "like group" because there is a part of her nature that I strongly dislike..... I think for folks to be good investments in the honest and true "love" group we have to like and admire a majority of things about them. This is why solid and honest communication is a sooo necessary....This is where all this stuff gets found out and also where trust gets built.

Wow.... I wrote a lot for this early!! I made it totally thru a whole cup of coffee typing it too...I just hope it made sense.... It's complicated.....Our feelings are constantly changing as we grow older and add more experiences too so we need to always consider who we are and are becoming while we are in these relationships with others and we have to always try and be very honest with those thoughts too.....

I'll stop now.........I could ramble on for a month about this stuff... :D

But that is not the case with "blood" relatives. We do not have to like and admire a majority of things about them to put them in the love group. We put up with a lot more, forgive more, forget more, get "hurt" more, etc from those who will always be there. Others can come and go. Friends come and go. We can divorce at the drop of a hat. Do we put them in the "love" group too fast?
You said, "I couldn't love a person outside my family without liking them first".
I am saying the same thing. We then are constantly checking to see if we still like them and maybe never put them in the "love" group. At least I think it is very rare.

Personally I can find a lot of ways to like someone but I am told I am hard to get close to. Thanks for making me think as well Sierra.

Society and nearly everyone teaches us as kids that we should love our family.....Nobody we meet in life is going to prompt or teach us to love anyone, except maybe a partner, as much as they tell us we should love family. That is some serious PR work going on to train a young mind in how they should feel and respond to folks!!
I think it says a lot about you and your family that you feel this way! You are capable of true loyalty and that is a good thing! :)
Some folks are just the opposite and put almost everyone they meet before their family....I think it might come down to basic natures and the personal psychology of the individual people too and the experiences life has handed them.....

I myself walked totally away from my own sister because she has a serious and sometimes very dangerous mental condition. Our whole family keeps her under a restraining order..... so I have a lil experience in walking away from blood relatives.....

I think some folks do throw others into their "love group" wayyyyy toooo fast. I think that is half the reason why there are so many breakups with couples and even friends. The fact that some folks say you're hard to get close to might just be the fact that you are selective in who you bring in and while it can be a problem if you keep too many too far back....overall I think it's good and might just save you a LOT of grief in life. I think basic trust and like need to be in place a good while before deep love can even begin to grow. Infatuation can be powerful but it is almost never enough without "time in the trenches" to evolve into real love that lasts.....For that to happen a LOT of deep conversations and experiences need to take place.

I honestly think that love has become a hobby for some and they jump in and out of it faster then most of us can change our socks... Some of those folks never really experience that true deep love that can only come with time and trust..... In time a LOT of these folks become very negative and jaded about love even existing but it's like making bread......if you don't take the time to let it raise and become bread....it'll never make a good loaf....Love is a lot like that, you have to have the right mix of ingredients, put it together with care and a lot of effort and then have the patience to let it rise.... and become something even better...

1 More Response

hmmmm..I have to think on this one before commenting....I have never put my hubs on the "disposable" list but I do get that he was a "choice" unlike my parents who simple "are"
*wanders off thinking deep thoughts needing more coffee*

Thanks for commenting and can't wait to hear what you can add to this thread.

Too bad I can't rate it up again for the new ending... are you worth 1 token, Gee? x p

Nah. Don't waste a token on me. But you can use as many points as you want. Oh wait, you can't do anything with EP Points.

I still don't understand the points. Just know I like the ending way, way better. =)

You do realize with this "changing endings business" you're becoming a second Tassie, don't you Geet?

Hahaha... then that's good for Gee. We are always the author of our own endings anyway.

Nothing wrong with a second Tassie. Or a happy ending. *wink*
*oh crap here comes another whack*
*Maybe a squeesh on the horizon though*
*Crosses fingers, shuts eyes and waits for whack*

My horizon is all blurred with snow... grrr!

Easier to whack... *whack*

Well, well, well.

Gee knows about the ancient Chinese secret.

And I thought you Canadians were naive ;-)

How they get the caramel in the caramilk bar? Yes I know that one.
*still no squeesh and only 1 whack*

Lol. I'm gettin' there... warming up... ;P

Oooh a Datura squeeesh. I am not sure if I have seen one of those.
*waits with anticipation*

*giggles*

o_O

First time I saw this emoticon... I thought they're meant to be boobies and wondered why they're not the same size.

Well... they're not exactly the same anyway. x p

hehe....no comment !

Well, Gee was asking for a Datura-squeesh... ...

Okay, faerie will shush. ;)

Oh, so THIS is where you are really!!!
I KNEW you were not concentrating on my slate!!!!

*wipes tears* Faerie's belly hurts...

Will you people please go tell Tassie that her slates are lovely so she'll shut...I mean, feel more confident about them...

Oh , thats it!
I am going to bed!
But tomorrow I will paint more beautiful Xmas scenes on slates for my special friends.

I did! Awesome artwork, Tas. Really...
Does faerie get a slate, too?

Thank you sweet fairy. I will see :)

*big faerie smile*

19 More Responses

As we are not meant to please anyone, we are not meant to like everyone either. All faerie can say is... rather on focusing why you can't like them, why not focus on what you like about them. Whack the negative energy away *hands you wand (on loan, on a timer even!)*.

I am not saying I can't like them.I am just saying that you would probably stand in line in the snow for 4 hours for your son and not feel the cold as much as you would if it was someone else.

Yes, faerie would. No arguments there. I actually shovelled the driveway earlier instead of him because he wanted to go out with the gf.

Can I not like the gf instead? x p

And I was really trying to think of something smart to say. Took me a while to come up with those words. Wasn't all heartfelt because honestly, I tend to dwell on hate... before... ... ...

Ooohhh... thought of a story for your group!

I think you hit it on the head, buddy. We give more thought & contemplation to 'choices' than to the 'absolute.' And you are absolutely a father, son & brother. Peace.

Wow thanks for the compliment. Peace back atcha.

In my case I think it is because I was raised to feel that "blood is thicker than water" and it was drummed into me that family is so important. It was just expected of me.
At any rate, your story raises much food for thought, Geetar.

I dunno. I am easygoing to a fault. Would I wait for 4 hours for a friend? Sure. Would I enjoy doing it as much as I enjoy doing it when it is my daughter I am waiting for? Maybe not so much.