Used To Be Neat...

I used to be super-domestic. I used to cook, clean, the works - all for the person I lived with, then for roommates because I was used to it.
Now, and I can't say "all of a sudden" because it's been two years in this apartment, I live by myself and it's a domestic disaster area. I value the privacy and quiet this affords, but really, I've become what can only fairly be described as either a slob or a hoarder. I keep my clothes and myself nice, so that I can go out into the world with pride, but when I get home, shame hits me in the face like a giant flyswatter. I am furious with myself for this ridiculous mess. I can't even see the floor except in the bathroom and kitchen!
I have a break from work and classes for the next week or so, and I really intend to use it well. It's almost like this horrifying state has been a way of punishing myself, and it's stupid, because otherwise I'm in a good frame of mind. I have wonderful people in my life, yet I can't invite them over because it's just too embarrassing. I miss having company over and cooking for people. I miss keeping a home that I'm proud to come home to.
I don't know how I let it get so bad, but this is going to HAVE to change!
citystargazer citystargazer
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

I agree with the procrastination. While the depression and loss of self image make sense in context, for the most part I feel like these are things I have faced and worked through, but the mess built up when I hadn't confronted them, and now I'm just left with the physical manifestation of how I once felt.<br />
Thanks for your input - I don't think I'll look at things like medication, though, until I've really tried (now that I'm ready) to deal with the pragmatic, tangible stuff. If somehow I can't, then you're absolutely right, it's time to look inward.