Bdsm; There's No Turning Back...

My marriage dissolved a couple of years ago.  I wasn't so much sad as relieved - and restless.  Incredibly restless.   Something was gnawing at me and although i had no idea what it was, there was a definite air of dissatisfaction about it.  It felt as though something inside me was starving to death and i had no way of knowing what it was or how to rescue it.

And then suddenly one day, out of the blue, my fingers typed  "men who aren't afraid to be men" in Goggle.  It's not as though I really knew what the hell that meant, it was the 'thing' inside me that typed those words, not me.   Up came a smorgasborg of BDSM websites! To this day, I've not been able to repeat that search result, so it must have been a 'sign' - or magic - or something very like it. 

BDSM was an unknown to me.  I know - sheltered life - so I spent the next several days educating myself on the subject.  It was eye-opening to be sure, but more than that, I felt something inside me scream 'YES!  This is home! This is me!"   The beast inside me had arisen, named itself and demanded a meal...

I joined the first bdsm website I'd come across, given that it had been so instrumental in my education on the subject and within a week, I met my very first Dom.  A rather terrifying meeting - he was young enough to be my son - and a sadist, to boot.  It was that night I first learned of the word 'sadist' and what it meant.  Not for me, i can tell you.

However, not all that's BDSM is sadism, luckily for me.  Not long after that, I met the 'right Dom' for me - a Sensual Dom, sheer perfection, if ever one existed (the mould was broken when He was made, sorry girls).  Oh the delights He introduced me to!  The way He so easily and powerfully ignited all of my being and set me free...'subspace'...i'm sure i can go there just thinking about Him now.  I so hope i gave as much to Him as He gave to me.

Sadly, we are no longer D/s but we do remain the best of friends and i've always known that He would be a damn hard act for any other Dom to follow - until i started playing WoW recently...who'd have thought i'd meet my potential next Dom in World of Warcraft???   But that's another story and one that's veering away from the main subject matter, which is about Living for BDSM and how there's really no turning back...

....there really isn't, you know.  Oh you may think you've had enough of the scene and go scarpering back to the vanilla section of life's supermarket aisle, but trust me, it won't last long.  You can join all the societies and guilds you like, chaps, but BDSM isn't something you can walk away from for life.  Once your internal 'beast' has been awakened and fed, it will never tolerate a restricted diet again.

Having said that, i suppose not everyone has an internal 'beast'.  Sadly, many may never awaken to the joys, pleasures, release and wild abandon of bdsm. I am a submissive before anything else and i put my submission and my Dom (when i have one) first.

It's a way of life for me, like being celebate is for someone else :)

femfatale femfatale
36-40
Mar 14, 2010