ChaosMy fantasy world contains a lot of people, a lot of characters. They are all very different from one another, there is a lot of information to keep track on. They all have their own unique name. They all have mothers, daughters, sons and husbands. Three generations. At first there were only around 30 people, perhaps 40. Then they needed a childhood so I explored, I created. Then they all had to have families, so I created. But for the story to have more depth, to add more explanation to why this and that was happening I needed to include the story of their grandparents. So now we have over 100 people to keep track on, and the story is more complicated than ever.
That’s why I’ve been trying to write the world and its people down, to make it a book. Because the world grows bigger and bigger in my mind and I’m sinking in it. It doesn’t feel like I’m drowning but I am certain that I am drowning. I’m sinking into this ocean of imaginary people and their imaginary lives, they are becoming a part of me. Their pain, their grief and happiness become a part of me. Or maybe it’s my sorrow and grief that’s become a part of them? Maybe that was my plan the entire time. Create a distance between me and my emotions…
… maybe. Maybe that's what we all do. Add a nasty part of our self to an imaginary villain and pretend it has nothing to do with us. Add a part which we admire and wish to have, to a hero which we claim has everything to do with us. We haunt or own mind with our emotions and pretend that it is the mind that is haunting us.