I Do But I Wish I Didnt

I am sorry you live in this mess but glad that you recognise the mess for what it is . This is a great sign for your future . well done .

I got my family to start tidying and cleaning with talk about germs, infection , bacteria and mice , rats, SMELLS . It scared them a bit about all the possible health risks in a dirty house, dirty kitchen , dirty toilets . e coli, salmonella , strep throat ... tell them their things smell . People hate to smell, no matter what they say .

Cleaning wise, I only do toilets everyday and then one room a day . skirting boards , window ledges , hoover dust ..... and it only takes me about 20 mins a day . Just do one room a day .

BUT .........
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THROW THROW THROW away , as it happens newspapers ....cartons , labels ..envelopes .just - throw . It s a brilliant feeling to unload .

When you get a home of your own it will be so beautiful and clean and lovely ; I really feel that for you. They are very blessed to have you in that house .

From a mother's perspective (mine)....I would approach one of two ways - you can either say, if you leave your stuff lying around Im going to pick it up and bin it. That way you are giving her a choice. But the important bit to remember is you have to follow through if she doesnt pick up!!!. Secondly pick it up, open her door and throw it in her room and keep doing it until she gets so fed up or there's no room left in her space (whichever comes sooner) that she cleans up. Her room can be the biggest mess but it shouldnt leak into the rest of the house. Whatever you do stay firm!!

Well, I clean all the time. My wife does nothing, so I let her know. That any thing of hers, she leave out of the two rooms she has, I will class as trash. She got mad at me at first, but now. I just toss the things in her rooms and do not care. Cats a fur balls, drop the cats a bit of cheese. That will help with that, it does work. If she drops rubbish on the floor, its hers so it goes in her room. I know, its will be hard work for you, but it will get the message a cross to her. Ho and shelving helps to put things on. It you have a lot of them, going down. You can put up a curtain to hide them, from friends coming in. It will keep them off the floor and a low one is good for shoes. They have small draws how that fit under the bed. I hope this is helpful to you

I have a husband who was like that, believe me the whole throw it away if you clean it up thing works great. And I don't just mean off of the floor: table, couch, counter, etc. I'm not the cleanest person in the world, but there is no excuse for pure lazyness or using someone as a slave.

An individual's personal surroundings is a reflection of their mental & emotional state. Some people are just very sloppy, don't care, (or sometimes just untrained). Sometimes all three. Others are obsessively clean freaks. Both extremes reveal emotional issues. A balanced view is to be preferred: very willing to work to maintain cleanliness & order, but will tolerate & allow disorder for a time, with a good reason.

In today's world, an increasingly large percentage of people suffer from mental & emotional problems. Poor diet & Toxicity are powerful factors.
One major & very common disorder is Chronic Anxiety which creates a large number of problems including Depression (just doesn't care about things or life in general). Anxiety makes some people procrastinate with decisions (what to throw away, what to keep, where to put it) because making a decision raises the uncomfortable Anxiety. It's easier to just avoid things.
In extreme cases, this becomes Hoarding. The TV series "Hoarders" exploits these people for entertainment & profit but does not provide many answers or effective help.

Pyroluria is the number one unrecognized, undiagnosed but very real cause of Chronic Anxiety, even more than low Thyroid.
It is "medically unrecognized" because it is connected to way too many profitable diseases including Panic, Phobias, OCD, Alcoholism, Sex addiction, Bipolar, & Acid reflux. Suggest all should carefully research this very important & very common metabolic disorder.

Mainstream Medicine ignores it for busine$$ reasons. They also do not want an inexpensive cure for Cancer or to admit that there may be a link between vaccinations & Autism. Both have the potential to ruin them.
Alternative Health people think Pyroluria is genetic. I am convinced that it is a diet initiated, multi-resistant infection, probably a fungus, similar to Candida. Sugar & large doses of Antibiotics seem to make it worse.

Three unmistakable symptoms of Pyroluria are general Anxiety, lines on the fingernails, & crowded teeth. There are many more. Since Pyroluria can be quickly interrupted & slowly reversed with a particular diet, this strongly indicates that it can't possibly be genetic.
Check your sister for symptoms. It might be part of her problem.

print some photos of the bugs that live in carpets ..dust mites etc they may realize that mess is not only comsetical but can also be dangerous to your health.....asthma and so on.....
if that does not help i think nothing will.......good on you for trying to be clean..cleanliness is next to godliness:)

If you have a place to put a table then get one an put a floor length table cloth over it and you will have an instant place to hide stuff (also under the bed if that isn't already full. If you have no proper place to put things there isn't much you can do about that. But you can try to make places to hide stuff for when friends come over. Like make the space between the couch and the wall just a little bigger and instant hiding place.

Do you think your sister has a hoarding problem? Sounds like she's on the boarder line of hoarding. Particularly with animals and the animal toys. She may not realize that what she's doing is disturbing the household and may not realize she has a problem. Most hoarders have what is referred to as "clutter blindness" meaning that they actually don't physically SEE the clutter or mess - their brains don't process it as a mess or clutter at all, their brains do process it as a normal environment, that there is nothing wrong with it and that in itself is the biggest part of the hoarding disease that afflicts more people than we all realize.

My dad was a hoarder, is a hoarder. Hoarding is also a sub-diagnosis of OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. Or rather - it's co-morbid. Meaning it goes hand in hand with OCD - most OCD patients are some type of hoarder.

If I were in your situation I would warn my sister that if she didn't start picking her stuff up I was going to trash it. Not just put it in her room but trash it and put it out for the trash pickup.
That will teach her to pick up her stuff.
I am an animal lover but I take care of my animals. I do not expect someone else to do it.
So for that problem if she didn't start cleaning up after her animals and vacuming up their hair I would tell her they were going to the animal shelter...(no kill shelter, tho, please) and would do it.
You should NOT have to be cleaning up after someone else's pets. The pets themselves would be better off in another home where the people care to keep the place clean and the animals clean and picked up after. Animals need a clean environment, too.
And besides it's just downright nasty for you and your mom to have to live where the animals are not cleaned up after.
If your mom has health problems she does not need to be where the animals are not cleaned up after.
Another thing you can do is buy paper plates, cups and plastic silverware if you can afford it. That might cut down on dirty dishes, but it won't help with pots and pans...you'll still have to wash those, but you could get the disposable and use them sometimes like when you're working and don't want to come home to a sinkfull of dirty dishes all the time. Also get some special glasses for each of you and use that glass all day instead of getting a clean one everytime. Just rinse it out good and set it over on the counter on a napkin and use it the next time instead of getting a clean each time you need a glass or cup. At the end of the day wash it or put them in the dishwasher if you have one.
And throw stuff away. If you haven't used it in 6 months you're not likely to....pitch it. Get rid of the junk. De-clutter.
Another thing you could assign chores....if you can get your sister to cooperate maybe you could divide chores up and keep things picked up that way. She should do her room and maybe the living room and you do your room and the kitchen. Share the bathrooms, each do their own laundry....DON"T do hers at all.
Of course with your mother's bad health you're each going to have to take on her share, like her laundry, and her room and changing the bedsheets weekly.
Get a calendar......and put weekly chores on it....like bedsheets changed on Fridays. laundry on Saturday, vacumming on wednesday and write your chores in blue and hers in red...maybe assign the vacuming to her and the dusting to you, dishes and bathrooms should be daily so you do one and let her do one............it helps to just do it weekly if you can't get it all done in one day.
That's all I have to offer...maybe you can take a few of the hints we've all given and slowly add a few each week to get the chores done.
But tell your sister if she pitches in and starts helping to keep the place clean and picked up you won't trash her stuff or take the animals to the shelter....if she helps she can keep her stuff and the animals. But something has to change...and follow thru with it.

There is good and bad news. The good news is there is help out there. The bad news is she is a compulsive hoarder and compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire and keep things, even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. More than 3 million people are compulsive hoarders. She can get help from someone who is a licensed professional consular and in home therapist. She will also benefit from someone who specializes in obsessive compulsive behaviors and some who specializes in organization therapy as well. This is a serious problem. Watch the show “Hoarders” at YouTube or on TV or Netflix...and see how much of it resembles your sisters behavior.

the living conditions can cause depression

It appears that Americans are more obsessed with pets that human beings. they must be taught to respect human beings and not pets. pets are for our enjoyment and not for loving them. pets get violent at times and attack humans. pets have no sense of decency. it is high times people knew about pets.

There are several comments here about what you should do. Further to my previous comment in November, just always bear in mind.....

always act out of love and compassion..... Always stop and think ....what is the loving to do?

At the same time , you must be good to yourself and look after yourself, your health, hygiene and interests. I feel, from thousands of miles away in the UK that you are going to be OK, my angel. And you will be an amazing role model for your own future children and those around you.

My family have actually laughed at me on occasion for cleaning my toilets daily and removing the dust in the house. Now they come back from people's houses and say 'Mum , their toilets were filthy ..their house was grubby.''They start to notice and appreciate. And your family will also.

Good acts always triumph over bad in the end . Keep to your principles . You WILL get there with them ....eventually.

Reply by alysha25 Aug 25th, 2011 at 6:57PM






By any chance are you a capricorn? I find some people have a much lower tolerance for a messy or cluttered living area than others. Some people seem to thrive and surround themselves with disarray and clutter, while others have a compulsive need to always tidy up and have everything in it's place. Well just think maybe someday you will have your own place and have more freedom to keep it the way you like. I'm a capricorn and basically am always tidying up and cleaning up after everyone else.

Oh, I can really sympathize with you. I have a similar problem. I live with (and take care of) my grandmother and she is a hoarder and my brother and mom who also reside in the house are just plain lazy slobs. My family is in denial that there is a problem. I have been trying to get the family to help me clean for YEARS and so far nothing has worked. It sucks because I don't make enough to live on my own and I live in a college town where rent is very high. Anyway, sorry to rant about my personal story, I just wanted to tell you that I feel the same way you do. I hate bringing anyone over to my house, it's humiliating. I always try to go to friends houses or meet at a public place. I don't have much advice for you except stay strong, realize that this is not your fault and that one day you will have your own place. Hang in there. *Hugs*