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I Do But I Wish I Didnt

we live in a small house to begin with..no closet space, no garage, no attic, no spare rooms or basement.
its mostly my sister's fault its a pigsty because she buys dog toys and dog treats and just leaves everything where ever. she has a few long haired cats too and they get hairballs a lot and my mom has to yell at her just to get her to clean it up. and shes has a bigger room than me with a closet twice my size plus some in order to store the pet stuff but she just doesnt get off her @ss and do it. and we also make fleece tie blankets for everyone around christmas but it was onsale and she went overboard....it feels like the whole house is a disaster and will never be clean no mater how much i help out. it just feels hopeless she piles up the couch throws wrappers on the floor, never helps with laundry or dishes, so why do i bother. and im sure my mom would help more if she could but she has health problems and is sick a lot so i get stuck doing it and its not her place to be doing it shes not the one making the mess and usually the only thing i dirty is my room because theres never enough room for all my stuff so it sits on my dresser or a pile on the floor and just looks blaaaah. i get so fed up with it the only reason i clean anymore is to save myself from the embarassment when friends come over and so i dont live in a complete and total pig sty. well if you have any advice or any comments to make me feel better let me know....thanks
cupcakecutiee cupcakecutiee 18-21 45 Responses Nov 11, 2010

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want some advice? move out.

Who cares? You have a mother and a sister. I assume you love them and they love you. That's what matters. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who act like cleanliness and neatness are the most GD important things in the world. I had a father and a sister like that. I grew up in a very neat clean home. Whoopdie-do. I'd rather have some mess and not be nagged.

I am sorry about your situation. You have a good sense of what is fair. What is wrong with your mom? You are right that it isn't her place to clean up after your sister. As far as stuff on the floor and dresser: you can buy stackable plastic cutsie containers for your things and stack the littlest on top, then throw a cute blanket or sash over the boxes. Put the most used items in the smaller boxes on top. Less used in bigger boxes on the bottom. I wouldn't tell you to sort your things out and see what you don't need, because that isn't fair either, with your sister having the bigger room. If you got along and had a talk with her, maybe she could split her closet with you. I am in Hungary as I write this, and I hope it helps.

Hi, you are cupcakecutiee, I am a cupcakeman.... so you should add me!!!!

mine is a long story too. I just say this. We call our Australian pup. <br />
An Aussie Shedder.. Breathe~~~~ oh sorry bout the doggy hair, water?

Cleaning the place up WILL make both of you feel better.

How about be happy you have your family around and your not alone somewhere. B/c loneliness sucks to. Just be happy go with the flow. And try not to care what other people think. If they do care i guess they are not true friends. And friends come and go but true friends and family are connected by spirit.

I'm sorry your having to deal with this and I'm sure its hard for your mom as well. Unfortunately with your mom's health problems I'm sure that she's not in a position to be of any help and can almost guarantee that she's going through a bit of depression. When things aren't right on the inside, it definitely reflects on the outside and its hard to function normally when your depressed. It sounds to me like your sister isn't just a pig but possibly a hoarder. You'll have to do your best to get through this part of your life. Keep an area clean for yourself so you can keep your sanity and take good care of your mom. One day you'll look back and realize that your a stronger person for enduring a bad situation.

So if you don't like the way your sister lives (it;s her house) Move!

I have a messybhome too Lol. with yes LoTs of Dog Toyz. LOTS! i live for thebK9unts everydaybfukn with my things.. Chewing on all my Teasures! I hate Dogz as of late. Hate them they sniff my privates as if they know me.. Then sitting beside me like good puppies telling stories with their eyes. Then their master comes and wants a closer look. **** THAT! ANY way I look at it I am moving so I refuse to clean one more time until I vacate. and then yeo thebland lord can kiss mynass and pick my hairballz out of the shower drain.. *****! I hate living in a messsy place but J sonstubborn that I only will clean my stuff.. I am moving as I said. Sionara!

i get soooo embaressed too, hence why my friends never come over, as much as i'd love to have sleepovers, and have the boyf round....the embaressment would be too much:(

I should have copied and pasted. I wasn't signed in and I lost my answer.<br />
I come from a long line of pack rats, but my house has no unneccessary stuff anywhere, not in the garage, not in the corner, not under the bed, not in the closets. The thing to realize is that thing that you might need some day, you will never find it amidst all that "STUFF"! So take a look at what you have and be honest with yourself about what you really use on a frequent basis, and a few things that mean a lot to you sentimentally, like something that belonged to your grandmother, and then get rid of all that other stuff. It has been proven that a cluttered house causes stress and confusion. You can't take it with you and when you are gone, somebody is going to either sell it or throw it all away. So take it to good will, give it to somebody who really needs it, or if you just can't, then move it all into a storage until you realize you don't need it and don't miss it. If you need help, message me.

You don't say how old you and your sister are, but if she can afford to buy as much as you say (pets, pet supplies, other "junk"), perhaps the best thing for all three of you is to get her to move out into her own place! There's no way my parents would've allowed that non-sense!

Consider asking your mom if you could rehome the pets, if she is not taking care of them properly. Honestly, it is best for the pets to live in an environment that is cleaner, with less stress. Animals can sense stress, and it can make them uneasy as yelling does to a small child. <br />
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Does she pile and pile up things like a hoarder? Hoarders buy things that they think that they have a need for, such as excess clothes or even animals. It stems from the psychological need to fill a hole in your life, whether you felt unloved by parents growing up or had a partner leave you, maybe a close friend died. It's a problem that, like any other medical condition, needs to be treated by a professional.<br />
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And then there is laziness, and if laziness is the case, it may be best for you to save up some money soon and move out, or else get your sister in line! If your mother can't convince her (I don't mean yell at- anger is an animal instinct that rarely gets anything done) to get off her butt and clean, then for your own sanity, maybe you should move out. The sister needs privileges taken away, such as phone and computer time, tv. Or else, the cats go to new homes. Enrolling her in some afterschool programs may help too, to keep her busy and more compliant.<br />
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Is there another adult in the family who can help you out with her? She is clearly taking advantage of there being no "strong" adult figure to tell her not to just relax and enjoy herself at other people's expense. Tell your school or college (every one has one) counselor and work out solutions with them as well- it's not taboo to get life advice from someone whose job it is to help you out!

Hi.. painting your rooms will be a good option because this way you all will actually get to see that how many things you own which you do not actually need! You can throw away all unnecessary things, sort and arrange the important stuff and have a cleaner place. You can have a sack or something stored at some secret place and whatever your sis throws, you can just keep it in that bag and lie to her saying you threw that stuff.. hope if you go on doing this, she'll be scared one day and learn to keep her stuff properly... Don't worry.. I know you can do it :-)

You said you mom has health problems, it could be due to the cats and dogs. If your sister isn't taking care to clean up after them, for the health of everyone concerned it's time for the pets to go. ( to a good home) It sounds like you sister can't help herself getting junk she doesn't need. That could be a mental issue that needs to me addressed right away. You mention that your room is messy, how about your mom's? If it is messy maybe she hasn't set the kind of example you need. So roll up you sleeves, get out the trash bags and start getting things cleaned up. If sis or mom dosen't like it, tell them the next step is the health department and don't just use is as a threat, do it. If you didn't care you would have already went to live some place else. There are organizers for small places that will help you keep your room tidy and still have your things.

well may be one you'll be able to leave<br />
as far as mom & her health<br />
that is so not a healthy environment for her to be in at all<br />
am sorry but sis & the dogs <br />
farewell wishing you n dogs nothing but happiness<br />
mother needs to be in clean healthy environment<br />
NOT A PIG STY

Oh, I can really sympathize with you. I have a similar problem. I live with (and take care of) my grandmother and she is a hoarder and my brother and mom who also reside in the house are just plain lazy slobs. My family is in denial that there is a problem. I have been trying to get the family to help me clean for YEARS and so far nothing has worked. It sucks because I don't make enough to live on my own and I live in a college town where rent is very high. Anyway, sorry to rant about my personal story, I just wanted to tell you that I feel the same way you do. I hate bringing anyone over to my house, it's humiliating. I always try to go to friends houses or meet at a public place. I don't have much advice for you except stay strong, realize that this is not your fault and that one day you will have your own place. Hang in there. *Hugs*

get your sister to watch "hoarders" that should turn her around.

Reply by alysha25 Aug 25th, 2011 at 6:57PM <br />
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By any chance are you a capricorn? I find some people have a much lower tolerance for a messy or cluttered living area than others. Some people seem to thrive and surround themselves with disarray and clutter, while others have a compulsive need to always tidy up and have everything in it's place. Well just think maybe someday you will have your own place and have more freedom to keep it the way you like. I'm a capricorn and basically am always tidying up and cleaning up after everyone else.

AGH!! i live in a mess too! and all of it is my doing!"!!

There are several comments here about what you should do. Further to my previous comment in November, just always bear in mind.....<br />
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always act out of love and compassion..... Always stop and think ....what is the loving to do? <br />
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At the same time , you must be good to yourself and look after yourself, your health, hygiene and interests. I feel, from thousands of miles away in the UK that you are going to be OK, my angel. And you will be an amazing role model for your own future children and those around you. <br />
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My family have actually laughed at me on occasion for cleaning my toilets daily and removing the dust in the house. Now they come back from people's houses and say 'Mum , their toilets were filthy ..their house was grubby.''They start to notice and appreciate. And your family will also. <br />
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Good acts always triumph over bad in the end . Keep to your principles . You WILL get there with them ....eventually.

Can't you move out? If you can't, talk to your sister, and if she doesn't listen, place all the trash outside of or in her room. Then move out.

It appears that Americans are more obsessed with pets that human beings. they must be taught to respect human beings and not pets. pets are for our enjoyment and not for loving them. pets get violent at times and attack humans. pets have no sense of decency. it is high times people knew about pets.

I hope you don't have any pets with a mindset like that- i feel sorry for them if you do- MEANIE!

I can kind of relate to your situation. I have two seven year old twin brothers that I am currently (not for long) sharing a room with. Boys will be boys and i find myself cleaning up after them alot. Maybe you could talk to your sister and see if she would give away one of her pets to a friend (where she can still visit it). Pets are lots of fun, but your health is more important. Her animals don't have to have toys or treats if they have eachother so she could throw those out to.

the living conditions can cause depression

the living conditions can cause depression

There is good and bad news. The good news is there is help out there. The bad news is she is a compulsive hoarder and compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire and keep things, even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. More than 3 million people are compulsive hoarders. She can get help from someone who is a licensed professional consular and in home therapist. She will also benefit from someone who specializes in obsessive compulsive behaviors and some who specializes in organization therapy as well. This is a serious problem. Watch the show “Hoarders” at YouTube or on TV or Netflix...and see how much of it resembles your sisters behavior.

There is good and bad news. The good news is there is help out there. The bad news is she is a compulsive hoarder and compulsive hoarding is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire and keep things, even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. More than 3 million people are compulsive hoarders. She can get help from someone who is a licensed professional consular and in home therapist. She will also benefit from someone who specializes in obsessive compulsive behaviors and some who specializes in organization therapy as well. This is a serious problem. Watch the show “Hoarders” at YouTube or on TV or Netflix...and see how much of it resembles your sisters behavior.

If I were in your situation I would warn my sister that if she didn't start picking her stuff up I was going to trash it. Not just put it in her room but trash it and put it out for the trash pickup. <br />
That will teach her to pick up her stuff. <br />
I am an animal lover but I take care of my animals. I do not expect someone else to do it. <br />
So for that problem if she didn't start cleaning up after her animals and vacuming up their hair I would tell her they were going to the animal shelter...(no kill shelter, tho, please) and would do it. <br />
You should NOT have to be cleaning up after someone else's pets. The pets themselves would be better off in another home where the people care to keep the place clean and the animals clean and picked up after. Animals need a clean environment, too. <br />
And besides it's just downright nasty for you and your mom to have to live where the animals are not cleaned up after. <br />
If your mom has health problems she does not need to be where the animals are not cleaned up after. <br />
Another thing you can do is buy paper plates, cups and plastic silverware if you can afford it. That might cut down on dirty dishes, but it won't help with pots and pans...you'll still have to wash those, but you could get the disposable and use them sometimes like when you're working and don't want to come home to a sinkfull of dirty dishes all the time. Also get some special glasses for each of you and use that glass all day instead of getting a clean one everytime. Just rinse it out good and set it over on the counter on a napkin and use it the next time instead of getting a clean each time you need a glass or cup. At the end of the day wash it or put them in the dishwasher if you have one. <br />
And throw stuff away. If you haven't used it in 6 months you're not likely to....pitch it. Get rid of the junk. De-clutter. <br />
Another thing you could assign chores....if you can get your sister to cooperate maybe you could divide chores up and keep things picked up that way. She should do her room and maybe the living room and you do your room and the kitchen. Share the bathrooms, each do their own laundry....DON"T do hers at all. <br />
Of course with your mother's bad health you're each going to have to take on her share, like her laundry, and her room and changing the bedsheets weekly. <br />
Get a calendar......and put weekly chores on it....like bedsheets changed on Fridays. laundry on Saturday, vacumming on wednesday and write your chores in blue and hers in red...maybe assign the vacuming to her and the dusting to you, dishes and bathrooms should be daily so you do one and let her do one............it helps to just do it weekly if you can't get it all done in one day. <br />
That's all I have to offer...maybe you can take a few of the hints we've all given and slowly add a few each week to get the chores done. <br />
But tell your sister if she pitches in and starts helping to keep the place clean and picked up you won't trash her stuff or take the animals to the shelter....if she helps she can keep her stuff and the animals. But something has to change...and follow thru with it.