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Lazy Girlfriend

Let me start off by saying that I am far from immaculate. One look at my office--and the piles of papers that need to be filed, along with the boxes that I never unpacked after moving two years ago--will tell you that. I am, however, generally clean. In other words, while I may let things pile up, I make a point to be sure that I clean up my trash, wash my dishes, and do general cleaning on a regular basis.

Several years ago I met a girl that lived in another state. We hit it off well and, while we didn't start a relationship because of the distance, we stayed close. A few years later she was at a point in her life where she was ready to move and she decided to move up here where she could be closer to family and closer to me. We had, by then, decided to start a relationship and I told her she could stay with me until she got a job and found her own place. She offered to do the cooking and cleaning for me while she was here, which sounded fair.

Fast forward about five years and she is still here, and so is all of her stuff. She's found and left several part-time jobs since she moved in, but since she's half-heartedly trying to get her Bachelor's degree she doesn't want to get a full time job because she's afraid she won't have enough time to study. Right now she's working anywhere between 20 and 40 hours a week at two different jobs.

When my girlfriend is not working, she's sleeping. Literally. It doesn't matter what shift she worked or how many hours (she's a nurse and basically works whenever she is needed, including some partial shifts), she goes to sleep as soon as she gets home. She'll come home at 3:00 in the afternoon and take a nap until 7:00, eat dinner and then go back to sleep again. This morning she even got up at 8:00 (after going to bed at 8:00 last night) woke me up to make me go out to get her breakfast, and then went back to sleep until almost noon after she ate!

By contrast, I have a high-stress job in IT where I routinely juggle six or seven different projects (and lots of "business as usual, non-project work) at once. Twelve hour days are not uncommon for me when things are super busy, eight hour days are almost unheard of. Despite this schedule, I managed to earn a Master's degree by going to back to school part-time and now that I'm in a management position, I'm thinking about getting an MBA as well.

When I get home from work, I'm expected to do certain things. Sometimes that includes cooking dinner--that is, when I don't get called and asked to pick up something my girlfriend has ordered from some take-out place--but more often it includes washing dishes and doing laundry (and it seems she needs a load of laundry done every single day). Some nights I am super tired and all I want to do is relax for a couple hours before bed, but I don't get that option. If I point out that she was home in bed most of the day the response is always "I'm on my feet all day at work, you sit at a desk." I deal with mission critical computer systems and Internet security all day. Try doing what I do and see if you can make it through the day without being tired. I doesn't matter if I'm at a desk all day (which I usually am not), the things I have to handle are emotionally draining.

So back to the house. We live in a one bedroom apartment in a turn-of-the-last-century old house. The apartment is pretty large (we have the entire third floor), but it isn't well laid out for storage. It doesn't help, of course, that my girlfriend never picks anythnig up or puts anything away. As I look around my living room, the coffee table has a stack of stuff that's about a foot high covering it. It includes everything from stacks of books that and CDs that my girlfriend brings home from the resident's library at the assisted living facility where she works and never reads to notebooks from last semester of nursing school. It's usually got a bunch of dirty dishes on it as well, but I just washed all of those. The livingroom floor is no better: from where I'm sitting right now, I can see at least three candy wrappers that she's just thrown on the floor, a few weeks worth of Sunday papers are strewn across the floor (I can't recycle them yet, she says, because she wants the coupons from them--like we can't just take the coupon inserts out and get rid of everything else) and several boxes of various things that she's ordered online "because it was a good deal" even though we have no room.

I keep threatening my girlfriend that I am going to sign her up for the Horders TV show. I'm joking, of course, but the mess does bother me. What bothers me more, though, is that my girlfriend does nothing besides make the mess. I'm constantly cleaning up after her while she sits there watching TV or sleeps. At the same time, I'm supporting her because she doesn't make that much money and seems far from greatful. She's bossy and lazy and I'm reaching my limit. I want to kick her out, but I also want to see her be successful with school and I know she won't finish if I do. I just don't know what to do.
uwebdude uwebdude 31-35, M 31 Responses Jul 10, 2011

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In order to change anything change your attitude which will change her attitude and retract her current behavior. This is important in order to distinguish her excuses and justifying what you have allowed. In other words any unfair, ungrateful behavior instead of harboring resentment, Take equal or more responsibility especially when confronting her. Who gives a **** if an adult who is treating you like **** finishes school. Either you love her or blame her way more then she deserves with allowing it then resenting it. Its like leaving a dog inside the house all day and then expecting the ***** to open the door. Unacceptable behavior needs to be addressed and let known if your gonna step in that ******* **** then your gonna rub her nose in it. As a male You have a huge advantage the ability to distinguish logic to emotion. Let it be know admit to her that its your falt that what she does is selfish and ungreatful but from now on she will be expected to take responsibly for when she is ungreatful or selfish and if she dont like that then tell her w

Wow. What a mixed crowd. I have been in similar situations like this. Fact of the matter is, there are many people that can live with a mess. It's unfortunate as I am one of those people who CANNOT live in a mess. What I have found effective is this...the First round. You do all by yourself. Throw out every possible thing that you can. Give her a box, bag, or boxes/bags of things that she is responsible for putting away. This should contain ONLY her belongings. Not mixed. Let her know, that is her only task. And not just throw it in a closet to be forgotten.

Clean the house to your level of clean. Don't stop cleaning, only encourage her if she needs a boost to put her things away. Once the house is cleaned and her belongings stored, go through items that you think can be taken out of the house. Ask her opinion on selling that couch that no one sits on, or the TV that has been sitting in the closet for 2 years. Get rid of things. Purging always makes me feel better.

Once you have handled those things, sit on the couch. Offer to pop some popcorn. Before turning on the tube or a movie, have a conversation with her. Let her know that you see that she is always so tired, and working/schooling and that's why you only tasked her with putting away the things she had lying around. Also ask her for her help. Women love to help people, especially her man. Tell her that you need her help keeping the place up. Let her know that it's a fresh start, and you just need to do the little things to keep everything up.

She should be receptive. If she isn't, it's ok to tell her that youre disappointed. Fact of the matter is, every relationship is a partnership, and if all you are asking is for her to clean up her every day mess and she says no, then maybe you do need to re-evaluate things. Good luck!

This is somewhat similar to my situation as well. Though my GF does not work and she does not go to school. She used to work full time but because she has "medical" problems she was told by her doctor she cannot work anymore. Now she lazes around the house until I get upset because all I see is a disaster zone, then she gets up to clean the dishes or cleans off the table. Basically she doesn't care about how the house looks nor about how much our debt is. Crazy thing is she gets a little money from her tax return and me being the good guy says “go for it hun spend it how you want” and so she does. Now her supposedly being a loving girlfriend you'd think "maybe' she would think to help out a little with the bills... Nope 100% is spent on herself! On one hand she comes and holds me telling me how much she loves me. She cooks, somewhat cleans and does a little laundry. This is on the days she feels like she wants to do it which is not all that often anymore... Now I am sitting at my desk looking around the room and seeing nothing but mess and her excuse? I asked her why this morning she is being like this and her response was... nothing. No answer so I left for about a half hour to do some running around only to come home to her on the phone with my brother’s wife bitching about how I am treating her. Oh ya another issue, she runs to her sympathetic friend which happens to be my brother’s wife who is fairly young and has always had her Daddy do everything for her. She's never really done anything strenuous in her life until she had children. Now she is a good mom and life has been a lot better for my brother since this has happened as they work together on things. Except now my brother’s wife still has those ideas in her head that I owe my GF everything because she has lived with me for a few years. We have no children so I am not sure where the "I owe her" comes from? She has done little in the way of helping around this house especially with bills and keeping a semi clean house. Can someone tell me if I am supposed to just lay down and accept a woman coming into my life, taking no responsibility for anything between us, making me pay for everything while she enjoys the fruits of my labor? And yes I am in IT as well which means I work all kinds of hours too. I am just at the end of my rope and don’t know what to do here. I cannot bring myself to kick her out because I do love her a lot. I’m just now experiencing the “Cold Side” to her which is a person I don’t love…

You are being too harsh on her. She's working 20/40 hours a week, and going to school part-time. Of course she wants to sleep!
If you think you are too good for her, then break up and find another woman that will meet your criteria. Everyone is different. People achieve success at different rates.
I do agree though that she should not be dropping things on the floor. She would attempt to clean on occassion. Shouldn't be your job all the time. But, hey, maybe she is in a lot of stress. Some people shut down.

Man i feel You my girl the same way i dont know what to do i work 12 hrs a day 2 jobs and then go home cook dinner, laundery and to top it off to walk HER DOG, today she is off and 2 maro as well, i told her if the place is not clean when i get home today i will walk right back out and come back when it is clean i cant deal with this stress no more i am a Manager of 4 shops in Germany that are about 50 Miles apart form each other and i deal with that enough then come home and do every thing

I just cant know more

Dude I I'm sorry your in that situation. I was married and devorced over a 10 year span.You obviously love her or she will be gone. Her playing the victom card makes it worst as did my ex wife did too. I worked in a 13-14 hour a day as a yard supervisor and came home to a disaster house. I had to clean as well. This is what you do stop cleaning stop doing stuff for her. Your only enabling her. She does not see the good you do for her. Then maybe she will open her eyes . if she don't then open the door for her and her lack of self respect.

Here was your first mistake. The long distance, if you couldn't find out what kind of female she was before hand. Why did you move in with her? Doesn't sound like you NEED her financially. Any who good luck.

Im dealing with something but i also have kids to with her the kids clean more then her im still around cause my kids i would have been left shes untidy!

Just ditch her, there is a standard of living thast most ppl just understand, being a messy, filthy and lazy cow is something you shouldnt have to deal with. there is nothing worse than living in a **** pit cause someone else cannot be bothered to clean up aftre themself. call it day and kick the messy ***** out

She doesn't sound lazy-she sounds overwhelmed. 20-40 hours a week plus school is a full time schedule. Between two different jobs and school, she has three different hats to wear. That is a lot of 'gear shifting' to do. It's a lot of stuff to coordinate and keep track of. She is under a lot of stress, and not her best self right now. Her lifestyle does not let her have a stable routine-- a lot of people turn into slobs under those conditions. She probably DOES need to do laundry once a day- think about it- scrubs (must be washed after each wear, preferably in hot), job #2 clothes, everyday/school clothes, towels and underwear. Right now she is all over the place and juggling too much-- sleep is a restorative process, and she needs a lot right now because she is using a LOT of energy. Let the girl sleep. C'mon.

Don't compare her situation to yours. She is under a different kind of pressure than you are. Money is a huge concern of hers-- she's working as often as she can without flunking out of school, and the point of school is to make more money. She knows that if she flunks out, not only can she not support herself, she loses you because she can't. Working in a nursing home is both physically and emotionally exhausting, and at the end of the day, unlike you, she has very little money to show for it. Dealing with people's health is absolutely a 'mission critical' assignment. Stop having a contest over whose work is more tiring/important/stressful/profitable. You don't have to worry about whether or not you can support yourself. That is extremely stressful. Your attitude towards her is probably making her feel threatened to lose everything she's working for AND your love and affection (which she probably has lost for the time being). All of this increases the pressure that is on her. She is not lazy, she is just so stressed that she shuts down.

When she finishes school, she will have a stable, well-paying job. Then you guys can work out who does what chores. Maybe she should take out student loans to help with expenses and quit one of the jobs. I agree with the other poster about depression- encourage her to get counseling. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:
ONCE PER DAY: HUG HER REALLY TIGHT and TELL HER YOU BELIEVE SHE WILL SUCCEED and THINGS WILL BE BETTER SOON. This might boost her spirits and restore her will to take care of herself and the house.

No kidding. You need to be supportive instead of critical. Maybe she's depressed because her boyfriend thinks so poorly of her and instead of communicating constructively he whines to strangers on the Internet.

Or maybe he can't help her and this will continue on long after she's done with school. Life isn't a movie, and things don't always get better.

I am wondering if she is suffering from depression which can be a debilitating disease at the best of times. Maybe she needs some professional help, nurses can be bullies at work and even the medico staff. If u love her,n then check this possibility out first. If she refuses, then give an altermatum.

I know exactly what you're going through. I work 2 part time jobs and go to school full time and my girlfriend does nothing all day. To top it top, we had a daughter about 2 years which I dreaded because instead of cleaning up after 1 kid, I have to clean up after 2. Plus she blames the reason she can't clean and all the messes on our daughter. 95% of the messes are hers!!! I got tired of cleaning for 2 to 3 hours a night after a 12 hour day, I started only cleaning up my messes as I go. That doesn't help because now I need to spend my days off cleaning up after her and it gets tiring. I passes out from exaustion after cleaning one room for 8 hours because she let it pile up so bad. I can't leave her because then Child Support will be after me and I don't make enough to pay child support, also even if I did I'm not going to pay for someone to sit on their ***. I feel like she's trying to make messes because I don't know she can dirty the house up so bad in one day. A ot of the trash I don't where it came from. Almost like she's pulling trash out of thin air and leaving it around for me to clean. If I were to call CPS for a lazy mom, can they do something?

If you actually read this you would have seen that poster\'s GF, like you, works two part-time jobs and goes to school fulltime. In nursing school, you also have clinicals, which is like a third parttime job that you don\'t get paid for.

What Girlfriend?

You have a live-in freeloader, not a relationship. Her schooling is not your problem, and her mess shouldn't be either. I thought relationships were work for most of my life. Then, I spent some time alone...enough to start liking it...and found a woman who showed me it's work, but not THAT much work.

If you can't live without her, don't dump her. But kick her out. Tell her you've had it, you can't live this way, and if she wants to be with you (or at least an adult) she's got to learn to stand on her own two feet. This will kill two birds with one stone: she obviously doesn't feel like it's her place. I've been there. It's tough to clean a place when it feels like youre just a guest. So change it and make her get her own place.

I promise: she'll either clean up her act (in her own apt), or you'll find that life's not so bad without her. Time to set some boundaries. Good luck!

He made the CHOICE to date a girl who makes less than he does. He OFFERED to help her improve her income, and when she has her RN and makes 30/hr, he will benefit from that. She DOES WORK 20-40 hours a week and goes to school full time, which is at LEAST a 20 hour commitment with clinicals (unpaid work that you get graded for) and studying. How is that doing nothing?

I am my self a pretty lazy girl, but I am still considered though me and my ex were equal, we worked the same hours and payed the bills equally though he got way more money then I did but it's money he worked for/studied for over 4 years so it is about being fair. but anyways I made a rule for my self every Friday to clean the whole house plus laundry on weekends and sometimes maybe every 2-3 months I asked him to help with bathrooms/vacuum though he sucked at it so I ended up doing it my self. He ended up doing his own laundry cause he used the phrase on me " I didn't ask for you to do it" when I complained. I did not do his laundry for rest of the time we lived together he got screwed just for using this phrase so he did his laundry every 2 months so it was all piled up (oh he wasn't such a clean person) I was just trying to be a good girlfriend. I am glad he broke up with me this selfish *******.
I am pretty sure it is late now but the dishes is the only thing I believe can really get people to fight, I was always in a bad mood after doing the dishes cause it's like my thinking time I guess I actually feel bad for him I don't think he ever understood so we took turns no exceptions also with the dog. you should do the same and make a day out of the week when you both need to clean up the house(again, I did it myself! he did not help.) when it comes to work it doesn't matter if you sit, stand or drive in the end of the day everyone is tired. but we never really fought about house chores after we found what worked best even though I still did way more for a lazy girl and also if you are still with her you kind of need to lighten up don't care too much that's what I had to do cause a mess is a mess and being in a messy environment just isn't nice. good luck

This was the first hit and I can relate to your story, here is my tale of woe:

I'm 29 and my live in gf is 21. Since our relationship started I've been the sole person working in our home, which I feel is mine since the bills are in my name and it's my name on the lease. We live in GA now but we originally lived in AZ. In both homes despite whether she was working or not she did not do anything as far as the upkeep of the home. She let the trash stack up on the floor, never did the dishes, or clean any portion of the house including the bath room. She never left the couch once I paid the bill for cable tv, never mind let me watch something if I just got home from working 12 hours. What infuriates me is that after coming home from working on cars all day I have to arrive to a messy house I have to clean AND I have to cook dinner. She is going to school but I have to push her to do her work more than half assed, and it's a huge ordeal if I speak to her about the house and her habits. To the point that she storms out, throws what I call a hissy fit or worse if I am speaking to her she interrupts, or attempts to over speak me and then storms out. I'm being manipulated and I know it. Worse yet I can't break up with her because her family is across the country and where would she go? What would she do? I love her dearly but I need help. To make matters worse if she was to go back to Az which parent would she stay with? Her parents are split up and her dad won't let her stay if she does not carry her weight and have gainful employment. By and large being with me allows her to be ultra lazy, which she couldn't be with any of her family.

Case in point: Earlier this evening I attempted to explain my issue with house cleaning. She informed me that "I need to teach her to be a house wife" then stormed off to the bedroom. She's in there now while I consider what I should do and type this missive. I just want her to pull her fair share, is that so much to ask? I don't want to break up but I do want to feel like it's more of a partnership. Instead of I do most of everything and then get a guilt trip for not doing more.

Poster\'s GF actually does bring in money-20 to 40 hours a week- and could probably live in the ghetto making an STNA or LPN salary full time.

Where would she go and what would she do isn't your problem. She'd figure it out. She's not a child.

kick her out, u dont have to live that way. I too have a lazy gf that ive tried to get to pick up after herself for a long time now. ive been married once and she was clean amd a good house keeper, im not perfect but I pick up after myself, after almost a year of this im done, this is my home and I feel disrespected by her lack of cleanliness.

Ok first of all u are being used and you don't deserve that. To be honest you deserve a real woman. One that takes care of her man. In my eyes that's the job of a woman. We were born to take care of our man and our kids. I'm a stay at home mom of two who doesn't let her husband lift a finger. We have our own slew of problems due to my mother in laws lack of cleaning (which I take care of three times a day) we temporarily live in her home. But that's beside the point. My husband works 12hr sometimes more hrs as a blackjack dealer he works graveyard shifts only. Even when I worked before we had our second child he never had to clean. I just can't stress enough how wrong that is that you are cleaning up after her! My hubby would chew me out and set my butt in line or my @$$ would b out on the street. And that is fine by me. I think the last time my husband did laundry it was Mother's Day. I hate him touching the laundry it makes me feel like I'm not doing my job right but he was trying to b sweet so I thanked him a lot and made sure there was never laundry to be done again. I live by a rule that your wide needs to learn and put to use immediately. For every two hours spent at home spend 15 minutes keeping it clean. I have no issue keeping my home clean by using this. The messes never pile up (except fir antything my mother in law has something to do with) and I always get nice rewards from my hubby 😉 Him and I are both tired! He stands at a blackjack table for twelve hours doing his job I run in circles for twelve hours doing mine! No one has anything to complain about. Get yourself a real woman sweetie. One that is thankful that she has a man. Men take care of women by jacking up anyone that will hurt them by making them feel sexy and special and by making them feel wanted and safe. Not by scrubbing their panties. There is NOTHING sexy about that.

Wow, he is a lucky guy. I'm not looking for her to do everything that you do for your husband (because let's face it, it'll probably never haopen), but just a quarter of that would be more than enough. I love taking care of my gal, but it would be nice to be the one who gets taken care of sometimes too.

Im having a similar problem and I thought it was just me. Here's the scenario. I been talking to woman for about two years and we decided to live together. She moved from a far distance to be with me. I work a very stressful job and have to be on my feet 8 to 20 hours a day. I am constantly mandated to cover other shifts. She does not have a job and says she is looking for one.but I really don't see the effort. When I get up to make my daughter lunch my GF is still sleeping. When I leave for work around 1pm she is sleeping. While I am at work I call around 7pm and she is still sleeping and my daughter tells me she is hungry . So I text and call my GF until she replies and tell her to cook already because it's late. Maybe around 8:30pm my GF wakes up to start cooking. When I get home I want to sit in my living room comfortable and begin my school work since I am going to college for my BA. She sits in the living room either texting, watching TV and making noise. She cleans up here and there but always begins late in the day. While I am at work she will watch TV laying on the couch. When I try to discuss that she needs to put more effort into things and needs to help out more she instantly starts ignoring me or tells me I am Biittcchhiinng to her. She says all I do is complain. She has accused me of cheating on numerous times just for texting, or even liking a page or picture on Facebook. My sisters went out for their Birthday and tagged me on a picture on facebook my GF then accused me of sneaking out and going to party when I was asleep. She even said why else would someone tag you on Facebook. My GF has only been living with me for 3 months I am ready to just move on and tell her to go back home. My GF is the type of woman that doesn't tell me sorry , hardheaded, Depressed and has told me she has OCD which is weird cause she does clean but not enough and she always leaves her cups in the living room along with candy or cake wrappers. When ever I try to discuss how I feel she ignores me, starts texting and tells me all I want is someone perfect and that everything has to be about me. On many occasions she brings up things that make no sense or has nothing to do with what I am discussing. Today as I write this my GF went to bed about 6am and it is 8pm right now and she is still sleeping. She told me she has gone through abusive relationships in her past along with other stuff so I try giving her the benefit of the doubt. I been trying with no changes in the situation so I am ready to give up as she is a person I can not help . I love her and everything but enough is enough and I can't see myself doing this for years only to be unhappy.

im surprised she hasnt dumped you yet!! coming and writing a article about her behind her back is the last thing you should have done!! first off i worked as a nurses aide when i was younger 17-18yrs old and let me tell you its exhausting i went in at 6am got off at 3pm and slept from 4p-8p woke up to eat and went back to sleep! its hard hard work and you just sit at a desk all day now im gonna say this she SHOULD ABSOLUTLEY be doing some kind of cleaning in the house as should you. You both work so you both split the house work! shes lucky im a SAHM and i do all the house work take care of the kids laundry and cook and my hubby is military so imagine how it is when hes gone... i dont strive for spotless i strive for the best i can get it which is not filthy but it isnt catalog ready either. You two have no excuses you have no children if you can teach her to clean behind her self then you can clean one day a week and maintance between see with us its diffrent both my kids are tornadoes and make mess everywhere so im running around like a mad woman all day long and still expected to have dinner done, laundry done, and last but not least the house clean lol
sometimes i just laugh at my hubby he really thinks im super woman! but those are my suggestions you both are lazy but your the one complaining get off your butts and clean something in the words of my mother!

hey!! i am having the same problem. my girlfriend we have been living for the past three years have suddendly change. she is more than the word lazy an she doesn't know how to say please, i am sorry and many more.

S--t man, I feel for you. I am in a similar situation, however not as bad.

My girlfriend and I have been living together for about 2 years, and she is a pig. I have left things messy for a long time just to see when she will finally clean it up. I work 12 hour days all the time, and like the other guy said, 8 hour days are unheard of. My work is very physically demanding, high stress job. I also do college courses, and own my own home (in California.... expensive). I've told her that I am frustrated with the fact that she does not do more, and she has put forward an effort, but not enough.

A good example was this morning. Last night and this morning I was repairing our booster pump (for my well). All in all I spent about 10 hours on the repair, burning the midnight oil last night, and then started work on the project again at 6 this morning, after having worked 12 hours the day prior (0730-1930). I went to Lowe's hardware store, got what I needed to finish the work, and walked back inside. She was still asleep (now 0645). Now, this is normal for her, as she sleeps about 12 hours a day. But I am thinking that she should get her *** out of bed and maybe help out a little, considering at this point we had no water for 2 days, and I had not showered in 2 days. So I ask politely if she could make some coffee for me while I was working outside in the dark. She said "Fine! I will make you some coffee". This made me mad, because she said it in a very "if i have too" tone. So I told her, "well don't act like that is such a burden on you". So I went back to work, and she made some coffee. Then she goes straight back to bed, and leaves me to deal with the dogs, breakfast, and the pump. Plus, I have to go to work too. So I continue busting my ***, and finally around 0930 she comes out with her purse and keys in her hand, presumable to say "bye! I am off to work". She doesn't even start work until 1100.

This is not a one time occurrence. I frequently pick up after her, do the dishes, laundry, etc, all while working 60 hour weeks, plus 5-6 hours a week of school. On top of that, she will ***** about how hard her work day was, even though her work day was only 6 hours long. And she will say how much she aches... and she will ask me to give her a massage, so on and so forth. And frankly, I am tired of it. Of course, she only works 3-4 days a week.

Any way, that is my rant. I will end it here, as I have other stuff to do!

Gentlemen, I must say. This story is all too common.

I've been working in outside sales for years. Most people's houses are meticulously clean. A good amount of people are lazy when it comes to dishes. It seems a smaller number of people like to let the trash pile up. And, fewer folks put the trash on the floor; it's the ultimate sign of disgust.

On a serious note: For guys who are looking for a potential mate, consider watching her for 4-6 months.

Invite your girlfriend over for dinner, cook her a meal. If she helps you in the kitchen or if she offers to do a specific task, then I would give her a gold star.

Most young ladies that I cook dinner for do not help or clean up at all. While we can remain friends, there is no long term potential for living together.

I was married and my wife was very ill. She passed away from her condition. She was quite messy at times. It was probably related to her medications and psychological conditions. However, she did all my laundry, got the house back into order routinely and put real effort into things. I worked 12-15 hours a day. And, I still do.

Now, I have people working in my home office 5 days a week. I have placed small notes on the wall listing rules that must be followed. About once a month, I have to drill everyone on keeping the place clean, not putting food trash anywhere but the kitchen bin, closing the toilet completely, wiping or removing shoes, spitting, smoking on job sites etc. I have to ride people's butts all the time about cleaning for me and customers. And, I clean my own house/ do our laundry (mine and my daughter's) etc.

Watch out early on: Because, everyone puts their best foot forward. If a person seems mildly lazy or nonchalant at first, then he or she is possibly "ultra lazy".

The simple fact about being an adult is: Adults do what they have to do in order to make their lives work without negatively effecting others by choice. If her mess has a negative impact on your life, it's her choice. If she was dying from an illness, she might not be able to help as much.

My advice: Take about $4,000, purchase a used mobile home, have the mobile home hauled to the City Dump and send your girlfriend and her mess along with her new trailer.

This gets first result on Google for the search term "my girlfriend is lazy" as of 19/8/2012, so I thought I'd post my advice in case others read this and are looking for answers.<br />
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Obviously you are both working hard and have limited energy. What you are really interested in finding out is whether or not she is honestly too exhausted to help and still cares for you, or is just using you. However, keep in mind that you are the man, and typically men have more physical energy than women - typically. This is why men's sports teams perform at higher levels than women's. That is not a sexist statement to make, it is the biological truth. She is working two jobs and may just not be able to keep up with you physically.<br />
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So try this: Ask her if she wants to do some cleaning chores together with you when the both of you are awake. Keep doing that if she says "no" the first time. If she keeps saying "no", then obviously she does not want to be in a team with you (i.e. a relationship), and it's time to get tough and consider whether you want to put up with that crap for the rest of your life or move on.<br />
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Another thing to consider is this: If you are both working and can pool your money together to pay off a mortgage quickly, then that might make all the extra housework worth it in the end. Just another thing to think about.

Wow! That really sounds just like my situation. Reading what you wrote and looking from the outside in, it sounds ridiculous and I would tell you to pull the trigger and eject...and yet, I cannot. I understand the guilt. My S/O does not clean, does not work, is always tired or depressed all the time, blames me for everything and now wants to hire a maid. Everything appears to be my fault. I will take a lot of the blame of how things are not good between us, as I was an *** when we first got together. I have since tried to make things right, but it just does not "feel" right and I can relate to the gentleman above, who wrote he might be starting to hate his girlfriend. My girlfriend has medical issues and I feel for her, I really do, but I did not cause them and I still feel guilty. I am no saint, I just know that enough is enough and there are things that can never be repaired. I am simply so tired of being told that I am not enough, even if I am not "enough". My point is that there is a time to just let go. Unfortunately it is sad and I cannot find the guts to "just let go" because of the sadness that it didn't work and because of the guilt. I only hope you can and I wish you the best.

Wow, your girlfriend sounds exactly like my roommate. I work 13 hour shifts while she sits on her *** at home all night throwing around candy wrappers and piling up the dishes. I mean who the hell drinks milk in a wine cup? We live in a second story apt so god knows she won't walk down to the dumpster to throw away anything. She hides it in the pantry when she invites guys over. Disgusting. Sometimes I wait and see if she EvER wash dishes but days will go by and eventually bugs and **** will start growing. It's awkward telling a friend to clean up after themselves. I don't think she will ever change. And you deserve way better treatment! You need someone on the same level.

wait wait wait, did you say YOU do HER laundry?? that must stop. as much as you work, you should NOT be doing her laundry. you keep on cleaning up after her, and i know it is because you don't want a bloody pig sty, but it is not fair to you. she needs to start doing some chores of her own. like maybe getting a box or storage area where she can keep her foot high pile of crap. <br />
your girl sounds a BIT like me, in that she's lazy and never cleans. except for the sleeping all the time part, i work full time housekeeping. someone who sleeps as much as that my be showing some signs of depression. sleeping from 8 to 8 is excessive to say the least.<br />
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sit down and talk to her about how much this is bothering you, that these things need to change. and if she isn't willing to level with you at all, she needs to leave. she isn't being fair to you, she is being lazy as hell. i understand nursing is stressful, but come on she doesnt work THAT hard to sleep that much. <br />
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or if you talk to her and she starts bitching about how much she works, how tired she is, blah blah, she needs to leave.<br />
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your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. you shouldn't have to come home from work every single day to clean up her messes.<br />
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she is putting too much on you, one day you will be like my boyfriend and just SNAP. ever since he snapped on me, i clean the house once a week. vacuuming, dusting, laundry, dishes. i realized how unfair i was being to him, so i started doing my share around the house

That woman is using you. Run for your life!!

Hey there..I worked in the IT industry as well and I understand it is very stressful where datelines and urgencies are high. I was having the same problem with my partner and I finally decided that she have to leave because her laziness would drive me crazy and trust me, after she is gone, you would feel way better and would probably find someone who would treat you right. You don't need this mess, you are just giving yourself a headache that you don't need. Love should never make you feel like a slave.

I am surprised that you put working in the IT industry as more stressful than being a nurse, most people don't really know what is involved with being a nurse and they don't really want to know. <br />
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I do understand what it is like to work 6 hours a day on your feet vs 12-14 hours a day at a computer, 7 days a week (which I am currently doing now) and I can tell you that you that being on your feet does drain your energy much faster. I personally had to eat and sleep twice as much as I do now to function properly.<br />
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So I can really understand where she is coming from there. However, I am not saying that she is in the right and throwing candy wrappers on the ground is just disgusting and you would expect that even though she may be too tired to do some cleaning, she at least wouldn't contribute to the mess by throwing things on the floor, collecting old newspapers etc. and would at least clean up after herself.<br />
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Also, the fact that you are supporting her means that she should at least show her appreciation even if she is exhausted. Even if it is just one hour of housework when she gets home from her job as a nurse. She could pretend that it is just part of her job and it has to be done. The fact that she doesn't appreciate you and your efforts is a bad sign of the relationship and you should just kick her out anyway. It's sweet that you want her to finish school, but that is her problem not yours.

This sounds pretty similar to my situation, but my gf just lost her job. She had back surgery 9 or 10 months ago and made no effort to rehabilitate, just lays around saying how bad she feels. She does do some housework, but not very much. She is always ready to go do something if her friends or mom calls.<br />
I would have got rid of her long ago, but when we got together 15 years ago things were great and she helped me raise my kids as I was a single father. She has gained alot of weight, and was not small to start with.<br />
Whenever I try to end our relationship, she says she will kill herself. I don't think she would but I know she's really depressed and you can never know whats in someone else's head.<br />
We literally never have sex anymore, I'm not attracted to her and I am on the verge of hating her.<br />
I feel like life is too short to be unhappy but not sure what I should do. Btw I am 47 years old.<br />
I saw this story and just needed to vent.