Lazy GirlfriendLet me start off by saying that I am far from immaculate. One look at my office--and the piles of papers that need to be filed, along with the boxes that I never unpacked after moving two years ago--will tell you that. I am, however, generally clean. In other words, while I may let things pile up, I make a point to be sure that I clean up my trash, wash my dishes, and do general cleaning on a regular basis.
Several years ago I met a girl that lived in another state. We hit it off well and, while we didn't start a relationship because of the distance, we stayed close. A few years later she was at a point in her life where she was ready to move and she decided to move up here where she could be closer to family and closer to me. We had, by then, decided to start a relationship and I told her she could stay with me until she got a job and found her own place. She offered to do the cooking and cleaning for me while she was here, which sounded fair.
Fast forward about five years and she is still here, and so is all of her stuff. She's found and left several part-time jobs since she moved in, but since she's half-heartedly trying to get her Bachelor's degree she doesn't want to get a full time job because she's afraid she won't have enough time to study. Right now she's working anywhere between 20 and 40 hours a week at two different jobs.
When my girlfriend is not working, she's sleeping. Literally. It doesn't matter what shift she worked or how many hours (she's a nurse and basically works whenever she is needed, including some partial shifts), she goes to sleep as soon as she gets home. She'll come home at 3:00 in the afternoon and take a nap until 7:00, eat dinner and then go back to sleep again. This morning she even got up at 8:00 (after going to bed at 8:00 last night) woke me up to make me go out to get her breakfast, and then went back to sleep until almost noon after she ate!
By contrast, I have a high-stress job in IT where I routinely juggle six or seven different projects (and lots of "business as usual, non-project work) at once. Twelve hour days are not uncommon for me when things are super busy, eight hour days are almost unheard of. Despite this schedule, I managed to earn a Master's degree by going to back to school part-time and now that I'm in a management position, I'm thinking about getting an MBA as well.
When I get home from work, I'm expected to do certain things. Sometimes that includes cooking dinner--that is, when I don't get called and asked to pick up something my girlfriend has ordered from some take-out place--but more often it includes washing dishes and doing laundry (and it seems she needs a load of laundry done every single day). Some nights I am super tired and all I want to do is relax for a couple hours before bed, but I don't get that option. If I point out that she was home in bed most of the day the response is always "I'm on my feet all day at work, you sit at a desk." I deal with mission critical computer systems and Internet security all day. Try doing what I do and see if you can make it through the day without being tired. I doesn't matter if I'm at a desk all day (which I usually am not), the things I have to handle are emotionally draining.
So back to the house. We live in a one bedroom apartment in a turn-of-the-last-century old house. The apartment is pretty large (we have the entire third floor), but it isn't well laid out for storage. It doesn't help, of course, that my girlfriend never picks anythnig up or puts anything away. As I look around my living room, the coffee table has a stack of stuff that's about a foot high covering it. It includes everything from stacks of books that and CDs that my girlfriend brings home from the resident's library at the assisted living facility where she works and never reads to notebooks from last semester of nursing school. It's usually got a bunch of dirty dishes on it as well, but I just washed all of those. The livingroom floor is no better: from where I'm sitting right now, I can see at least three candy wrappers that she's just thrown on the floor, a few weeks worth of Sunday papers are strewn across the floor (I can't recycle them yet, she says, because she wants the coupons from them--like we can't just take the coupon inserts out and get rid of everything else) and several boxes of various things that she's ordered online "because it was a good deal" even though we have no room.
I keep threatening my girlfriend that I am going to sign her up for the Horders TV show. I'm joking, of course, but the mess does bother me. What bothers me more, though, is that my girlfriend does nothing besides make the mess. I'm constantly cleaning up after her while she sits there watching TV or sleeps. At the same time, I'm supporting her because she doesn't make that much money and seems far from greatful. She's bossy and lazy and I'm reaching my limit. I want to kick her out, but I also want to see her be successful with school and I know she won't finish if I do. I just don't know what to do.