My Messy House

QUIT doing his laundry !! See how long it takes him to realize you are not his slave.

I used to be a neat freak when I was in my 20's. However, in the past 28 years I have gone to being extremely messy to almost living in squalor. I watched Oprah's Secret Life of Hoarders today which featured people from the television program "Hoarders". Now I don't feel as bad as when I wake up every morning. There is a web site called Stepping Out of Squalor which also has a community of people with these same problems.



I'm looking for support in this new year to get the motivation I need to clean up my house. I haven't cooked a turkey for the past three Thanksgivings because my oven in broken and I am too embarrassed to allow a repairman see the inside of my house. I panic whenever the doorbell rings. Getting someone to come in to clean up is not the solution. I do not have a job and waste away every day. I am bi-polar, take anti-depressants and have obsessive compulsive disorder.



I have been a member of Clutterers Anonymous and have tried using a buddy system, a kitchen timer and other methods to motivate myself. For nearly two months now, I just can't seem to get myself out from under this inertia. It is not merely a matter of being lazy. I want this cleaned up so that I don't die and leave this mess to my two adult children to clean up. I love to cook and would like to be able to entertain.



If you are reading this and can commiserate with me, please write back. Happy New 2010.

Hi Ukusa, and welcome to EP.



Your story made me feel sad, as I remember that sense of hopelessness when I first realized that I'd made a mistake in marrying my husband. We had two small children and a third on the way, and I was a high school dropout, so there was little in my future beyond wife and motherhood. My boys were my only salvation from the suicidal thoughts that plagued me. But then I came to a decision one day, eleven years ago, that I would find a way to get out of my marriage. I began to plot my course toward independence, starting with getting my GED (high school equivalency diploma) and then getting a job. I wanted to stay until my youngest turned 18, as I wanted him to be as independent as possible. My arbitrarily chosen date for moving out was July 1, 2009, and I kept that date in mind as I made my plans. It was a long and difficult journey, but I'm happy to say I moved out of the house I'd lived in for 25 years two weeks ahead of my planned date, and I have absolutely no regrets.



I was around your age when I made my decision, and 51 seemed so far into the future, but here I am, and I'm loving my life. I've registered for some university courses, and hope to do some traveling this summer.



If you want to talk further about this, send me a message. You are still a young woman, and you can still do the things you want to do. You just have to make a goal and then plan its path.

I have lived for 31 years with the most distgusting slob I have ever known. He has absolutely no respect for me regarding my homemaking skills. I am from Europe, and have no family or friends here in the US, so I have to live in this situation alone, and am constantly stressed by it.



Over the last five years I have done less and less housework due to the work load that was put on me by my husband and children (all grown now, and gone), and now I am sick and I can't do it if I wanted to. However, they don't seem to notice that the mess has not been cleared up. My husband just steps over bags of garbage, or laundry piles, and never even mentions it is in his way until I tell him to take it out or down to the laundry room (which usually gets done after me asking for several days)......In my opinion, the house is now a health hazard. There are rats everywhere that come out at night, and roaches crawl over my dishes, and pot and pans.



I no longer sleep in the same bedroom as my husband as i moved out five years ago due to him piling up his dirty clothes, socks, shoes, hundreds of books that he sits and reads all day (he is not employed). A large black garbage bag full of old receipts, statements, bills, and papers sit in the middle of his room, and the carpet has not been vacuumed in over a year in there. I don't often go inside his bedroom, but have witnessed that his bathroom is full of mold, but he doesn't see it or refuses to deal with it. When I was younger I kept all the rooms picked up and beautiful. Bathrooms were spotless, and kitchen shined like a new penney. I am a Christian women, and it saddens me to say this, but I hope that I die soon, to be finally out of here. If I was a younger women, I would start a group home for women who want out of living with husbands like mine, so they could get their sanity and self-respect back and help them get their lives in order.

My house is messy too. Like you, I gave up when I watched my husband dump the little rocks out of his boots down the carpeted basement stairs. One day just this year I saw him pull the stem from an apple and throw it behind him while he sat in the living room watching tv. Who wants to clean up after someone who has so little regard for his quarters?

Oh, I accepted it years ago! You know what "they" say -- If you can't beat 'em....