Loved But Not Desired

 ive been married 10 yrs and have 2 children..... had my 2nd one in dec 2007. our sex life has never been fabulous but yes we managed about twice a month till i conceived my first. I had to use an ovulation predictor kit coz since we were doing it so rarely we had to be exactly on time to get pregnant. 2 yrs went by and we had sex 2 times, wherein i conceived the 2nd time. 

i think that hit the nail on the head... and was the last of it. its been 6 months and am frustrated. i thot the woman was supposed to have the 'headaches'. i know he absolutely adores me but i cant live like this. we've talked many a times and am totally against infidelity. so have nowhere to go. 

earlier he was overweight so he said it made him uncomfortable thats why he dint feel like it. now he's lost most of it.... now its the children being around excuse. but even if we're alone in the house he doesnt even touch me... i like being cuddled, hugged, but i guess i'll have to make do without all physical intimacies. and when we do manage to do it it lasts about 3 mins 'coz we havent done it in a long time' (thats his excuse). so where does this leave me? 

i dint know who to share this with..... too personal so cudnt do it with friends or family. dint want those 'looks' from them everytime i met them.

 

 

sindhicrawford sindhicrawford
31-35, F
6 Responses Feb 23, 2009

Hmmm...<br />
I can understand...it must be so exasperating....<br />
but then the main issues seem to be with him....<br />
if u tell him exactly how u feell...<br />
I mean Absolutely "EXACTLY" how u feel.....may be he will look at the situation from a perspective he has not looked bfore....<br />
<br />
Sometimes to make a change we really need to shake someone up....even if in the beginning it hurts them...they may need it to eventually understand the reality of the situation...of course u love him and he loves you....and wen 2 ppl love each other they sometimes do things to make each other happy regardless of how they feel about it...<br />
<br />
I am sure u too do such things urself....<br />
So why not him.. u can ask him to do it....And then just try to enjoy whatever comes..without having any expectations.... And without thinking "oh, he is doing it bcoz i nag him and not bcoz he wants to".....dont get into that thinking...enjoy whtever u get...and make sure he enjoys too...and feels relaxed about the whole thing..<br />
<br />
And have u ever considered that he might be having some real issues around sex, his own competence..etc....<br />
<br />
Wenever in the past u guys did do it...did u evr tell him u enjoyed it....that he ..ws good...<br />
<br />
may be he just feels he is not good enough in this department, feels like a failure or incompetent and so all of his excuses....<br />
<br />
U knw may be its nt that he doesnt want u sexually ...or that he is not sexual....but he has his own fear or insecurity<br />
<br />
You really have to fit in some missing piece of puzzle,,,<br />
there has to be a reason underneath those excuses.....<br />
<br />
If u two already share a good bond ..u def can be rocking lovers too....Iam sure it can happen....<br />
<br />
May be u can have a retrospect on your sexual history and his....and ur sexual moments together....what was the experience like ...did things happen which have led to his present avoidance of sex etc...try to piece things..i think u might find the misisng clue and then deal with it!!<br />
<br />
All the best...<br />
<br />
Do update me on the matter..<br />
<br />
tc

I disagree, My husband is very aware of my feelings, and this actually makes things worse. because now if he ever did want to have sex, I'd just be thinking he wanted to do it because of my nagging, not because he really wanted it.<br />
My best friend knows the full story and it's good being able to get it off my chest every now and again, but the problem never changes, my situation is still stuck and I'm still frustrated!<br />
I don't want to break up, I love him regardless. I also love my house, and my dog and his company so I put up with all the shite and just whinge on here!<br />
I will have an affair, for purely sexual reasons, it's just a sad solution.

I would just wanna say ..Girls if you are unhappy about it...you will have to do something about it......<br />
<br />
You will have to decide "what would that be"<br />
Usually we feel very shy about sahring such intimate details with others, but beleieve me...its helps a LOT.. to actually do that...<br />
Do talk to a friend or relative you trust..they can provide totally unexpected help....<br />
It certainly helped me..a great deal..and i learnt the importance of seeking help even if u initially feel shy about it.... Do talk!!<br />
<br />
And secondly..its really important for you ppl to convey to your respective husbands that you are not okay with the status in the sex department..tell them you feel frustrated...unfulfilled...<br />
tell them u are "not okay with it" coz..probably..by thi stime they have assumed that u are okay with it..so themselves dnt feel the motivation....<br />
<br />
If u want it to improve ..u have to take action..just hoping that it improves will certainly not inprove it....

I would just wanna say ..Girls if you are unhappy about it...you will have to do something about it......<br />
<br />
You will have to decide "what would that be"<br />
Usually we feel very shy about sahring such intimate details with others, but beleieve me...its helps a LOT.. to actually do that...<br />
Do talk to a friend or relative you trust..they can provide totally unexpected help....<br />
It certainly helped me..a great deal..and i learnt the importance of seeking help even if u initially feel shy about it.... Do talk!!<br />
<br />
And secondly..its really important for you ppl to convey to your respective husbands that you are not okay with the status in the sex department..tell them you feel frustrated...unfulfilled...<br />
tell them u are "not okay with it" coz..probably..by thi stime they have assumed that u are okay with it..so themselves dnt feel the motivation....<br />
<br />
If u want it to improve ..u have to take action..just hoping that it improves will certainly not inprove it....

I've just got a puppy. She's providing a distraction. My husband is my best friend and I do get cuddles so maybe I have to settle for that.

This story could be me! I am exactly the same, but I don't have children, and wondering now if I ever will, he can't even force himself to have sex with me on day 14!!<br />
What to do? <br />
I can't tell friends either, because even though I am so hurt and frustrated by his sexual rejection of me, I don't want my friends to think badly of him!!<br />
Everything's so messed up.<br />
I get so jealous and bitter now of other women; women he's friends with, women who's pictures he looks at on the internet, women with children.<br />
I feel stuck and unfulfilled and so unhappy, but at the same time I love him. So what's the answer? I have no idea!<br />
You're not alone, and i'm so relieved to find that i'm not either! xxx