Partners, Not Lovers

As I have been writing about my experience living in a sexless marriage with a emotionally dysfunctional wife, it occurred to me that we have become partners and not really lovers. We have sex once or twice a month, but this is from a sense of duty from her. She recently told me she has feelings of dread when we go to bed that I will ask her for sex. That was the last straw for my desire to have sex with her. Why would I want to have sex with someone who dreads it? I have a nice body, I treat her very good in bed, I practice good hygiene, I do more than my fair share around the house etc. etc etc

But we agree on how to raise the kids, their schooling, how to spend the money, politics, and other issues that couples usually fight about. We are good business partners but I wouldn't even say we're friends and we certainly are lovers.

As I write this the kids are in bed, she's watching TV and I'm in the office, alone. We probably won't say 50 words to each other the rest of the evening.

This is why I took up woodworking. A creative outlet and something to do in the evenings.

Lastly I'd just to say thanks for nothing D. and T., my wife's parents, for doing such a poor job in modeling a healthy relationship and for NOT her how to interact with a man she loves or even how to treat a man. BTW, their both dead so they'll never hear this.
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6 Responses Dec 2, 2012

You are not alone
I've been married for 26 years we have 3 daughters, my wife is a good and kind hearted person and that's why I feel it's I that must be the sexual deviant. She has sex with me out of a sense of duty but I know she does not enjoy or desire it. There were a couple times in our marriage that I saw that she let the beast (her passion) loose but that's it. Now I'm no Brad Pitt but I don't think I'm hideous but I try I hold her hand, talk to her, send her texts during the work day. I go to things she likes to do I bring home flowers for no reason but to show her I love and appreciate her, I order her sex toys from the internet so she gets surprise deliveries once or twice a month I try very hard to do all the things we read that women like with no success.
Now in all fairness I travel a lot for work so I am gone a lot but she doesn't have to work she has a very easy life she can sleep till 10 and often does I don't complain about the house she really does whatever she wants every day and I am proud to be able to spoil her that way. I love her
But sex without passion sucks. Woman don't (or maybe they do) realize that that sexual passion towards there husbands is what makes us/me feel like men...Her Man it empowers us I could move mountains if she and only she could make me feel that way but instead I feel impotent, ugly, worthless maybe I'm bad in bed maybe my **** is to small maybe she just doesn't desire me!
Now before people start going off on me I know I'm not a bad lover I've had several sexual partners in the past that had no complaints I'm no Casanova but I was good enough for them.
But I just can't make it happen with her and as much as I hate it I think I want a divorce I'm tired of feeling inadequate, perverted
Sexual deviant

Did you ask her why she dreds it why it bothers her she may not feel sexy enough for you there for turning her off from sex. Who know women think of some crazy **** to be sad about

Since you get along so well, you could continue to cooperate raising your kids after an amicable divorce.

You are blaming her parents. Have you ever thought that some day, your kids' spouses may blame you and your wife for your kids' intimacy problems. Think about what you and your wife are modeling.

I was going to try to make some stairs for my ridiculously short legged dogs...u could help me figure out how to do it...that would be a good distraction

Haha no really some little stairs so they don't have to jump up and down from the couch....I could think of other more satisfying ways to get exercise for myself. ;)

I have a pug and a wiener dog....I grew up with a German shep they r the best dogs ever but I have a town home so I got smaller dogs. I will try they ramp that will be much easier to make too. I built a skate ramp for my 12yr old son a couple yrs ago so I'm sure I can figure it out. :)

Perfect!!!! Thank you so much. I was thinking about covering it with carpet do you think that would work?

Ok I will let you know how it turns out

1 More Response

sounds like u need to do some wood working alright!

Yes it does

i hear ya