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Lonely Husband.

I live in a similar marriage. My wife and I used to have sex quite often. Now I only have sex with myself. I have arranged my schedule so I can be only with my computer. I still love my wife, but have no intimacy with her at all. I still try, but over the last year, pretty much gave up hope. I am quick to anger and have no sympathy for her. Basically, we are roomates with kids. On average we kiss only once every few days. I have a wife, blonde, blue eyes, pretty, been married for 16 years but am very lonely.

TNLNSL TNLNSL 36-40, M 16 Responses Oct 23, 2009

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I fill your pain, I've been married 23yrs. We haven't kissed in over six months and sex, well it's been a minimum of two yrs. it's a lonely life. If I would of none this was my life then I would have stayed single. I had more conpanmenship when I was single that's sad. the other thing she has had a affair on me once that I know 100% of . But I still loved her and wanted to make it I've stuck around, But being by myself is getting to be more work then I can deal with. I would never have affair myself, cause when I said I do I ment it, till death do we part. I just wished she felt as I do, but I guess I was to far in the clouds. I fill like such a loser.

We have much in common. (I've suffered through 15+ years of agonizing involuntary celibacy.) Wish I could offer advice, but I'm also lost--so I'll just send my best wishes and prayers your way. I'm actually Jewish, but I trust you'll be OK with I say, God Bless You--and to paraphrase/reinterpret Isaiah--may the wings of eagles allow you to soar above the sorrow!

I stumbled across this site by accident and found it sounded so familiar. We all struggle. The Bible says: "There hath no temptation (ie trial, trouble, difficulty, struggle etc.) taken you but what is common to man" (1 Corinthians 10:13) This means our problems may be different in some ways but they are fundementally the same and everyone goes through them. So, if everyone goes through stuff like this then perhaps your mate is in someways, although different, going through stuff too. I wonder how many of you have taken the time or made this much effort to express how you're feeling sometimes? Or to find out why they seem so far away or behave in this way that displeases or hurts you? It saved my rough and tumble marriage and I have never loved her more. Forget about yourself for awhile and take the time to find them again. It may be your only hope: to help them...took me 8 years.

Yes I understand. However my wife is the angry one.. Not only no sex but no words of love or affection. I am. always getting criticized.

.. She has gained weight and this also make it hard to have the sex and lover that should be in a marriage.. I am a strong Christian and I know Jesus cares. I will be praying for you
It be a long time since I have be loved.. Sometimes I hurt so much i think of having a affair
But that would be also wrong.. So I guess I well deal with the lack of love and being lonely
With god grace.. Thanks the place to vent.. 1 corinatins 13 .... Greatest is love.
I do love my wife and family... John lonely in Indiana.
Not interested in the gay stuff... Jesus never fails..

I need someone's outlook, I share everything with my husband every topic no matter what. I was married prior to my current husband I have two boys 17 and 20. My husband has a daughter from a past relationship. When it comes to my kids he is always told about anything going on in there lives. But if it has to do with his family it's like everything is a big secret he don't talk about it just gives me a blow by blow description of what's going on. It makes me upset because he is so secretive about a lot. Then he don't understand why I get upset.

I'm a female my husband sounds like your wives. When we first met sex was great. Now it's like once in a great while. I will admit my sex drive is high and I do want it all the time, and he use to be able to satisfy but now even when he does want sex it's different it's more for his satisfaction, I don't understand why people change so much what it took to get each other is what it takes to keep each other. I hear so many men say women never want sex and I say I don't get that because its so the opposite for me. I can only wish sex was a priority for my husband.

When I Was 32 And Single I Met A Woman Who Was Married, But Was Rarely Having Any Sex With Her Man. We Got Together And Had Sex Six Times In One Night. I Felt Bad Afterwards, But Obviously Not Too Bad Because We Dated For A Year. She Was Always Seeing Me On The Side And We Would Have Amazing Sex. Eventually Though, I Guess I Grew Tired Of Being The "Other Guy" And I Met The Woman Who Would Become My Wife. I Told The Married Woman I Was Seeing That I Met Someone Else And Wanted To Move On And That She Go To Her Husband And Try To Work Things Out. She Got Mad And Left And I Haven't Seen Her Since Then. Anyway, After My Experience With Her I Vowed To Never Have A Marriage Like That. I Got Married And Our Sex Was Always Great Until Recently. We Have A Little Boy Who Is Afraid To Sleep In His Own Bed At Nights And Always Wants To Sleep With Us And To Top It Off My Wife Got A Job Working Nights. I Work Days So You Can See Where This Is Going. On My Days Off I Will Get Our Little Boy Off To Preschool And Quickly Get Naked Afterwards To Join My Wife In Bed And Hopefully Have Sex With Her Before She Goes To Sleep, But she's Often Already Asleep By The Time I Lay Down With Her And I'm Laying There Naked And Hard And Just ********** Instead. I Hate This And Have Begged Her To Quit Her Job, But She Won't Do It Because We Need The Money. I Don't Know How Much More Of This I Can Take.


Before marriage our intimacy was wonderful. I thought I died and went to heaven. Shortly after we said I do she said I don't and intimacy and sex no longer are a part of my life. At times I wish I would have stayed single and we could have just stayed good loving friends. I love my wife very much. I just will no longer live the life of a monk. I use to want to live life to the fullest. Now if I get the chance i work lotsa over time just so I don't have to go home and be treated like a distant friend. Sounds sick but this IS how I am now feeling.

I have been married for eighteen years and have always been there for my wife and my family. After the kids came along, sex became less frequent, demands on time became greater and the chance for sex was catch as catch can. I could not begin to count the number of times that my wife would say tonight, only to be greeted by an excuse, or a sleeping wife. After a while, I just stopped trying. Recently I found that my wife has found the time, energy and desire to have an affair. Oh her reason, I did not make her feel attractive.

That is horrible. I am sorry to hear that...but of course the affair is all your fault. Women are deceitful, evil, cunning creatures we can not live without.

I feel your pain,I too am in the same situation. I recently had prostate surgery and my wife wants me to heal, which i understand but she has no desire to even touch? I woke at 4:30 this morning and just wanted to feel her near me, when i reached out and touched her she said why are you waking me up! If the shoe were on the other foot, we as men are supposed to hug and comfort them! Why is it we can only receive the same treatment if we turn to some outside source for attention? Then we are labeled Unfaithful,selfish etc...Talk about Equal rights..I to love my computer but it can only satisfy my quest for knowledge ,really does not work when i just want to feel a human touch!

Ihave been married 5 years ,now no sex for 3 years ,who knows how a womans brain works ,they are wired up differant to men , she is tall no kids and dresses sexy ,but hates sex ,with me anyway ,i feel like sex with othe people ,i love her but she aint interested in my hot body .i need sex

So sorry to read this. I just found this site and wish I'd found it earlier.
Pls pray. God answers prayers. Be patient. See what The Lord will do. Pray that God touches her heart. She doesn't understand what she's doing. Please don't give up.
Pray for your marriage so that the enemy doesn't hijack it.

Wow feel like I wrote these stories. Married 15 years my wife is very distant when it comes to making love, not interested. It was never this way about 3 years ago she became uninterested. As someone mentioned we are roommates with kids.

Divorce??? Why stay in that environment? Don't stay miserable. Offer counseling. If she refuses, leave. Why stay? Talk to her. That's what women want anyway. I am female, 41 years old. I love sex. I believe in the traditional way of living, biblical if that makes more sense. My guy works so hard to take care of all of us. I rub his back, fill the tub with warm water and oil, let him soak for awhile, and again, I love sex. I know men want and need sex more than most women, that's okay. I've never ever told him no. Quickies are perfect for him when I do not want a long love session. Please, consider your options. Don't stay miserable. My guy was married for 20 some years to a woman who wouldn't even let him touch her vaginal area! That's ridiculous! There's nothing wrong with using what our bodies give us! Here's an idea, I go to salons for brazilian waxing, in other words, they wax all the hair off down is silky smooth and you will love it. Please...try this...go get her a gift card for a wax and a massage....have her do the wax and then the massage....treat her to a day full of stuff that you are going to benefit from....try it! My point is that you have to either try to fix the situation or leave.

You sound to good to br true not saying your not but wow i am so jelous of ur man if i could get that type of attention

I guess it depends on the relationship? I still do the same things, I always have. Men need to be allowed to feel like men!!

I can relate to your situation.

Married 20 years. Husband had brain injury (he is okay, can walk and talk and do things( like fix cars, build things, go to music festivals), and then a few years later developed hep c and went through two rounds of treatment to no avail. (he is okay, can walk and talk and do things like fix cars, build things, go to music festivals). <br />
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We have not had sex in years and I left about six months ago. The year before I left I tried everything to get us back to some sort of intimacy as husband and wife. I understand he gets tired and needs to rest more than other people, but even when he was having good days I would try to initiate some form of touching. He has an impotance problem, prob due to meds, but he does have fingers and there are other ways to take care of a woman to ******. Like I said I tried everything, even blantantly pulling his hand onto me. He was so disinterested, I had to move his hand and fingers myself. <br />
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Counseling, self help books, hep c support groups. Nothing worked. now that we have been separated it is apparent divorce is imminenet. He is now upset and angry, loves me doesnt want to lose me. cant believe I am abandoning him. <br />
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My point to this post is that I left with no regrets of trying everything, No stone was unturned. I am not some big horny girl needing it all the time, but it is seriously insulting not to even have your needs recognized. <br />
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Its a hard road to go, but I think most people posting here are not in a sexless marriage, but in an intimatless marriage and that is no way to live.

Hi Keepgoing. I do empathise with you, having cared for my wife since her brain haemorrhage 11 years ago. Trouble is that people with brain injury seem to see the world differently, in what way somewhat depends on the brain injury. She still loves me but has no interest in even touching. Best wishes.

There's a lot of us out there, who have had some brain injury, and then a lot just changes. I suffer from epilepsy (20 years now). Nine years after our marriage I experienced a seizure and injured myself in the fall. It almost took my life and brought some psychological challenges. One of the major ones was the 'psycho-social disorder'. To cut it short, I didn't have any desire to have sex, and a lot more. This lasted about 2...3 years. , and now I have pretty much overcome all challenges.
One thing which has changed is the relationship with my wife. I know I was distant ... in the period after the incident. We have almost become strangers & act more or less like average friends. I know my psyche was not OK, and whatever. But now, I just miss my wife so much, not only physically (sex, ...) .
As a result of the fact that we distanced from each other and everything I experienced, I started studying and reading up on what all has happened to me. Now I work with an organisation (LEAGUE against epilepsy) and also run a support group.
But from my point of view, from what I experienced and all what I have witnessed. It's the spouses of these people who need support, who need to listen, to understand, to forgive.

I have been married for 27 years now and my wife and I have had sex about 7 times in the last 17 years. For all intense and purposes she is a good wife. There is no intimacy between us. She is more interested in the childrens problems than our personal relationship. I have tried to talk to her so very much in the past 17 years that my mind and heart are all but dead.