I have been mopey ever since my H's last temper tantrum this Easter. Since then there have been other incidents that have served to push me into making a decision.
We had my birthday supper on Sunday and we ordered in. H had a club sandwich and spent the meal complaining about it-the bacon looked funny-the bread was too thin-the lettuce was a weird green. He then started picking on my oldest son and I could see that Jason was biting his tongue to avoid a fight with his father in deference to me. So H started throwing barbs at how red Jason's face was getting and I had to ask him to stop.
Last week I noticed that birds are again nesting in the attic-they get in throught the soffit which H had promised he had fixed last year. He had said that no more animals could get in after we had squirrels in there last summer. Now we have birds, I see them flying in and out with pieces of insulation in their beaks. They have also dislodged a red eletrical wire which is hanging in front of the house, but H still can't admit that he didn't fix the soffit properly.
Then yesterday the oil company did the yearly maintenance on the furnace. The furnace guy did his work than called me to point out all the violations H commited when he moved the oil tank outside the house. The oil line is too thin and is subject to freezing-the section that is in the house is not secured to the wall and could easily be tripped on-but most damaging is that there is no accesible shut off valve if there ever was an oil spill. The outside tank is also completely enclosed so there is no way of knowing if it is damaged.
My son called me and said things that broke my heart. He told me that H has always made him feel that he was not good enough, that he did not work hard enough by continously critisizing his decisions. Jason has been teaching for five years now and until recently has been tending bar in a restaurant on week-ends. When he decided to quit that, H was very critical of his decision. I knew that that is the way my H makes me feel, but I didn't see how it spilled over to our sons. Then Jason said that when I decided to leave I would have his full support. He said ''you can't stay there forever, mom. Save yourself.''
So this morning I called a lawyer. I need to know my rights and then I will make a move. I know that I have both of my sons' support and that is what is important.