When To Call It Quits!!!
I was reading an article that was sent to me from an e mail listing. As a lot of you know, I already got a divorce and called it quits but it was very difficult coming to that conclusion. This article might help some of you make that choice somewhat easier..:
When to Move On: Signs of a Relationship Apocalypse
You can’t stop talking about it—the “relationship.”
“Should I stay or should I go?”
“I’m too old to date.”
“Am I being too sensitive or is he really a jerk?”
“It’s not really that bad.”
Your girlfriends are ready to tie a gag around your mouth. If your co-workers are forced to overhear one more teary conversation about the big dilemma, you’re going to find Belladonna in your morning coffee. But there are no neon signs (visible to you anyway). There is no ringing alarm bell. And not many friends are willing to risk their relationship with you by sharing the brutality of the truth. So how do you know when it’s that time?
If you have communicated how certain things bother you (your insecurity about your cooking ability, for example) and he makes offhand remarks that he attempts to pawn off as funny and then insists you’re too sensitive when you get upset, he’s practicing conscious cruelty. This is different from you keeping your culinary anxiety to yourself and then being offended when he ribs you about your lousy meatloaf. We all say and do things unconsciously that hurt the ones we love. The first time it’s a mistake, the second time it’s a choice.
Blaming you for his behavior.
When he consistently won’t take responsibility for how he behaves, and instead, tries to put it on you, it’s time to develop an exit strategy. Even the most evolved of us find something too shameful to claim ownership of every once in a while. If it’s his norm and not the exception, and he’s not open to conversing about it, take note.
Tension in your body.
Make a conscious choice to notice how your body reacts when you know you’re going to see him. When you become aware of tightness in your throat, a pain in your stomach, or an ache above your eyebrows, acknowledge it. Have you felt these body signals before and attributed it to bad fish or a tough workout? If so, create an intention to be honest with yourself about its origin. Your body won’t ever lie to you.
Do you disagree about everything from what color towels to put in the bathroom to the kind of ketchup to buy? Being unable to settle on simple decisions is an indicator of how you’ll handle the bigger ones. Many times bickering is a way for one of you to get attention because you’re feeling neglected. If you both look honestly at the motivation, you’ll be shown whether you’re just feeling a little needy or if you really aren’t compatible.
Too much energy.
Are you spending most of your energy thinking about, analyzing and evaluating the relationship? If so, ask yourself how much work you’re willing to put into a relationship and whether or not you’re getting an acceptable return on your investment.
No more fun.
When was the last time the two of you laughed together? Being able to act silly with someone is one of the prime benefits of a relationship. If each time you say, “Honey, I need to talk to you” and the dread emanates from his face like a bad sunburn, it’s time to inject some fun. If you make several attempts to no avail, it may be time to rethink your choice in a mate.
It’s never easy to walk away from someone you love. But when you love yourself as much as you love him, you can find the strength to take care of yourself.