It Runs Deep

I have been married nearly 30 years. I have never been all that attracted to my wife sexually. I love many things about her, but I feel like I'm missing out on one of the best things in life...erotic, passionate love making. We are struggling to be intimate and romantic. It's been going on for much of our marraige. Like many, we have kept our marraige together in order to keep our family together. Our kids are grown now, but we are raising our 6 year old grandaughter. I'm afraid if we break up our marraige it will hurt her.


My wife and I are pretty open about the fact that we both want to have good sex in our marraige. We recently listed thie things that turn us on. We are trying. But what does a guy do who isn't attracted to his wife ? We can amke out the list, but I'm thinking I'd rather do it with someone else.


I have had some affairs, and she knows about them. Nevertheless, she loves me and I love her, and she has forgiven me and is willing to keep trying. But we both don't know how much longer we can live this way. I have often thought we'd both be much happier if we remained friends, continued to raise our grandaughter, and I supported both of them financially...but we give each other permission to date other people and experience great sex. We feel like every day that passes by is another lost opportunity.

Any ideas of what to do would be much appreciated.

niners16 niners16
51-55, M
5 Responses May 4, 2010

You are only together so your grandchild is not hurt. A six year old is very perceptive and probably understands more than you give credit for. Staying together for a child is not good for you your wife or your grandchild. It seem you are both moving on so why stay together and be miserable.

Appreciate your honesty, but I feel more sorry for your wife, what you're denying her, and the indiscretions you've put her through.

May I be so bold as to ask: if you were never that "into" her, why did you marry her?

You have to look for some external things to add some spark into your bedroom activities. For many couples sex can slowly become boring if they do not experiment with new ideas. I think it would be fun to get a Kama Sutra book and try all the positions :) by the way there is also a line of Kama Sutra massage and scented oils. If you were ever curious about any of the sex toys, why don’t you go ahead and purchase at least one :) As by my experience I know that some pleasure toys can really spice up sex life :) foreplay with aroma oils and aphrodisiac increase sex drive as well :) <br />
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So the choice is yours :)

It sounds like you two already arrived at a solution. What is holding you back?