No IntimacyHi...............even though I am living in a sexless marraige I also posted this in the "my husband is bipolar" group but felt it belonged here too and who knows it could mean extra advice!!!!
.....this is a sensitive subject and I am here in the hope that just one of you may understand what I am going through or have some words of advice!!!
My husband was diagnosed with bipolar a couple of months ago he is also aspergic (diagnosed 2yrs ago). We have been together for 8 years. When we first got together we did not know about either of these conditions my husband was on anti depressants which he told me were for anxiety attacks.
At the beginning things were ok or at least they seemed so! Sex was never an issue at as we had a long distance relationship so we were only ever intimate at the weekends and it was always exciting as we hadnt seen each other for a week sometimes 2. Once we started living together it changed started to dwindle almost immediately I noticed that my husband was calling phone sex chat lines and our phone bill was increasing each month. I quickly fell pregnant with our son our sex life became almost non existent all the while my husband seeking gratification elsewhere not with people but over the phone.
It started to become apparent that he had real issues being intimate and that anything that was at arms length was fine but anything that involved seeing or touching wasnt really enjoyable. We probably had sex about once a month. I tried everything dressing in sexy dress ups wearing lovely lingerie. I always keep myself nice I am slim attractive cheeky and love dressing up and having fun but everytime I did this he told me how sexy i looked and then would continue to watch a movie!! I started to give up feeling rejected isnt nice especially when you try so hard.
My husband told me that he would like to see me with someone else or for us to have another couple. Although I was a little aprehensive I thought why not it may be quite fun and may help us perhaps this is what he needs. We had a couple come to our house and he was a bundle of nerves could not go through with anything at all. It later became obvious that he desire was to see me with another man so we did experiment a little on several occassions but I often just felt like an ob
As the years have gone by he still continues to phone up chat lines mostly gay ones the more obscure the better. We have sex about once every 10 weeks if Im lucky and even then I have to tell a story of being with someone else, its like having a third person in the bed!! Its never just about us and its never passionate, its like an act!! He has said for ages "get yourself a ****buddy so you can have fun then you can tell me the stories as that will turn me on" (thats the bipolar talking)
Take the intimacy away and I have a lovely husband, funny, charming loving, very generous, he does so much for me and to help me. He has terrible mood swings too and has all the right medication for this. At times he is like having a 15 year old boy. He just cannot fullfill this area at all and doesnt even want to try.
I am a 39 year old slim attractive woman who is very passionate just wanting to be held and caressed be lost in the throws of passion. I have the option of taking bed mate if I so choose. I am seriously considering this as I just dont think I can do this for the rest of my life its making me resent him. I am so often left feeling so sad inside and empty. When he has a meltdown he is often very abusive verbally he makes some very sharp personal insults he really goes off on one and I have to be very careful what I say. Thankfully this doesnt happen too often but when it does it takes weeks for me to heal inside I feel so bruised. It is very hard to forgive and to heal and to regain closeness when there is no physical contact to bring you back together again. I feel he is selfish fullfilling his own needs and never thinking about mine. Whenever I go out the first thing he does is reach for the phone!!
Anyone who is in a similar situation wether your the partner of someone with bipolar or you are bipolar yourself your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading
ClarissaB 36-40, F 11 Responses 1 May 28, 2010