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I Too Live In A Sexless Marriage But To Complicate Matters Further He Is A Compulsive Gambler

I have looked on the internet many many times to see if there are other woman in the same situation as me ,am so glad I came across this site.
I have been married for almost 10 years and can count on my fingers how many times we have had full sex, at the beginning he was very attentive to my needs but didnt seem to bother if he was satisfied. When we first met I had just divorced my first husband who was a serial adulterer and was very needy and he made me feel as if I was a special woman. I now feel very cheated out of the relationship I thought we were going to have. Again as in most of the stories on here he is a really nice man and although he is a compulsive gambler has never kept me short of anything. When I first found out about the gambling I thought this was the reason for no sex , that he was getting his kicks in the betting office instead, but he joined Gamblers Annon and continued to stay away from gambling for four and a half years but our sex life never got any better. every few months I would try to talk to him about it try to understand what was going on with him but he just used to agree with me and say he would try harder . But still nothing would happen. anyway cutting a long story short in April I was starting to think what is the point of us being together when I unexpectedly found out he was gambling again. I would have thought this would be the last straw but found myself using it to again brouch the subject of no sex as by this time it had been over 12 months since he had even touched me. We had what I thought was a really good disscussion I  spelt out that I wasnt willing to carry on in a sexless relationship and he said he was going to try 1000 % because he didnt want to lose me. Well he did try for that one night he still wasnt sattisfied but I really believed he was going to try this time. Well lo and behold one week turned into two then three and so on then at the end of May I again found out he had been gambling. 
There was no big row and when I tried to ask him where do we go from here he said I was trying to stop him doing something he wants to do. I  just moved into the spare bedroom and have been there since. There is no bad atmosphere or anything he is just carrying on as if nothing has happened even bringing me a cup of tea in a morning. I am looking at my options and know that I cant continue in this relationship but am not ready for all the fuss of splitting up . Sorry this is so long winded there is lots more I havnt put in but its a start. I am sat here nearly in tears after reading some of these stories but am 52 and feel like life is passing my by.
janetd52 janetd52 51-55 5 Responses Jun 19, 2010

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Dear...I know what you mean...we all need someone to share our feelings with...especially our inner most desires....still looking here...

I Hope so too Carla cant live like this for much longer

Sweetrie, we all have and are going through very simiilar situations here. Sure there are suttle differences in all our strories, but in many ways they arer all the same. We feel cheated on, we feel depressed, we feel unattractive and unwanted and our self esteem is damaged to some degree. However, if we stand tall and strong and seek other ways to fullfull our deepest desires and strongest feelings we have related to our sexual needs, I'm sure we will find the satisfaction we want and deserve....at least I hope so....Hugs sweetie

Thank you so much James x

I know how you feel... my pet theory is that everyone has their own sex drive/sex attitude and we are just matched with someone who does not share our need/desire/attitude about sex... <br />
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In other words, this isn't about you being deficient, please know that.<br />
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Know that we all understand the hell your life has become.<br />
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james