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Craving Affection, Desperate For Intimacy

I have been married for 5 years. Me and my wife have had a pretty rough time of things over the last 18 months. It's taken it's toll and now sex is so very rare I don't know what to do with myself. We have had sex only once this year and it's always the same. Quick and unromanticly. Always one position. She won't let me hug or kiss her anymore. Do I have an affair or some no strings sex just to get it out of the way or what? I have almost just come one here to find like minded people to sleep with. Help please!
Somethingelce Somethingelce 26-30, M 4 Responses Jun 20, 2010

Your Response


You are both still young - and youth, whilst a great gift in many ways, can make your lives hard too. As we get older and experience more and more "tough times" we not only toughen up ourselves, we develop more coping skills. I know you can't do this "over night", so my suggestions are:<br />
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* think very carefully about your relationship - DO you want it to succeed?<br />
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* if the answer is "yes". then set aside any resentment you are feeling for your wife<br />
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* concentrate on showing her and telling her how much she means to you and how deeply you care about her<br />
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* plan some "good times" in your life - a holiday if you can afford it, but even a walk on thge beach, a coffee date or a meal cooked specially for her by you can go a long way to help you feel close again.<br />
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* reassure her that times are getting better, that you are there for the long haul, and that you really want your relationship to be as good as it was (or whatever seems the right thing to say).<br />
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* give this time to work - don't expect hot sex in the first few days! If however you are not moving forward at all after say 6 weeks, you might need to come back to this forum and re-think your situation.<br />
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Best of luck - I hope you can and do recover your marriage - it is worth working for before giving up.

I'm sorry for both of your losses.<br />
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You don't say if you've talked with her about it. If it's been that rough, have either of you tried counseling?<br />
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I think you owe it to her, you and your relationship to try to fix it before you seek sex outside your relationship. As for whether you should, only you can answer that. It's up to you to make choices you can live with.

We lost our parents amd various other members if our family. It's been so hard x

Welcome, SI. <br />
Can you tell us what you mean by "a pretty rought time of things" ? It might be relevant.