Husband Has Health Issues

I am married to a wonderful guy. He's the kind of guy every woman wants: sweet, caring, likes the family. We've been together 13 years, married 10 of those. He was born with a kidney disease. He's had approximately 20 or so operations throughout his life ending with the ultimate one: kidney transplant.

For all of this time together we've had trouble in the sex department. If he can't "raise the flag" then it's he can't sustain. It's gotten to the point where I don't want him to touch me. I don't want the disappointment of yet another tried-and-failed.

At best right now, it feels like we are nothing more than roommates. We share the house, the chores, the pets, the computer. Well, not always the computer. He lives in the games he plays. He's always at work. (He works an hour from home in retail--f-ing retail hell.) We're getting to the point of being strangers. We certainly aren't lovers any more. He won't be intimate out of the bedroom. He thinks it's fine to just talk about work and about games he's playing (that I could really care less about). He won't tell me how he feels--about anything. Not anything important.

I used to enjoy sex. Before him, I had a man that was healthy. That made me feel sexy & desired and secure. I let that man go to be with my husband. I thought I loved him. I think I still do. I know that I need him, but I don't really want him. He accused me of shutting him out, but I know it's the other way around. He won't or can't open up. He won't seek help for the problem. He won't even talk about the problem.

It's not until I can't take the frustration of not being touched and loved, it's not until I break and kick him in the *** that he'll even make half an attempt. I'm tired of being the asskicker. Of the one breaking down and wanting to be loved. I'd leave him if I could. I've tried it before and I couldn't do it. I couldn't live life without him. I do think about affairs. All the time. Just to have some flesh-to-flesh contact. The thought is ok, but the actuallity creeps me out. I wasn't brought up that way.

This is killing me. It's been 6 months since we last had sex. It goes like this all the time: attempt, wait 6-9 months before another attempt, another failure. I'm young. I'm not even 40 yet. I want children. I see all my dreams being shattered.

UnhappyinIndy UnhappyinIndy
1 Response Jul 9, 2010

I feel your pain. I've tread this very path you are on and he won't get better, rather it will become worse for you. Looking back, I should have cut and run instead of stay and suffer.