Now I Know What To Say......

I notice from the Resources section that Amazon don't seem to mention this book. If you are just starting down this road please, please buy a book called The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido, a Couple's Guide by Michele Weiner-Davis. 

Read it yourself and then leave it lying around somewhere where your partner can see, it might help 1) illustrate just how deeply you feel about the situation (there are many people's stories in there) and 2) be a good introduction for a talk.

For anyone who has read my other story, can you imagine my horror when in our big talk the other week my dearest said that the fights and arguments were because he felt so crushingly lonely, he used words like pity and despise to describe our 'Love' Life.  He was absolutely convinced that I didn't love him, and that I only saw sex as a perfunctory obligation, (he actually said, that the last time I saw him when we last made love - and me thinking everything was alright again - that it felt like I was 'doing him a favour, and he was grateful').  He couldn't have had it more wrong, but it was like a shattering wake up call.  We had both got everything wrong, both of us thinking the other didn't want or love them.  Both locked in our misery, unsure of how to break-out.  Then 2 years ago he went across the other side of the world and since then he has often talked about being lonely, but still did not tell me the real reason, we have been circling around each other, both terrified of trusting enough to talk of the real reasons we were so, so unhappy.  I may have lost him to another women, from the bottom of my heart I hope that I can turn this around.

Now, without a shadow of a doubt, I know what to say.........Now I know what to say......
miraqnda1796 miraqnda1796
46-50
1 Response Jul 10, 2010

Good for you seeing that there's a problem! And good luck with making things better. You're unusual perhaps in that you can see there's something you can do here, unlike most spouses who find some pathetic reason why it's our fault! I'm really not a fan of any books I've come across on the subject though, unless it's to beat husband over the head with while I try to make him listen - and no, it didn't work! xx