I Managed To Leave My Sexless Marriage

I was stuck in a sexless relationship for 5 years and we were married for 3 out of those 5 years. I tried every possible way to make myself attractive to my husband and it got to the stage where I became a pushover and he would be angry at me for the smallest of reasons. As we had no physical affection, I constantly felt that our marriage was on the brink of collapse so I tried to make as much effort as possible.

I wanted to leave so badly but I had no reason to - on paper everything seemed great and to people around us, it seemed like we were the perfect couple. Also, I always thought to myself that marriage is for better or worse - it would be cruel to leave just because he could not physically perform. Circumstances for so dire that I became suspicious and began to check his email. I found out that he had been having an affair with his ex-girlfriend and he was about to leave me after cleaning out my bank account.

Dear friends, this is a lesson I would like to share with you all, please do not blame yourself completely if you are stuck in a sexless marriage, it takes two hands to clap and marriage is about sharing and compromise. If he is acting up, chances are that there are reasons why, and it is not you. I left my husband  in October last year and my life has changed so much for the better since then - when I walk in through the door of my house, I no longer have to worry what kind of mood he will be in and I no longer have someone in my life that puts me down and makes me feel unattractive and unloved.

I wish you all on the forum who are stuck in a loveless marriage strength and luck. As difficult as it may be, I hope you find the strength to start a new chapter of your life with all the love and affection that you deserve and desire. It may seem scary to start anew but it is even scarier to live your whole life without experiencing joy, appreciation and passion.
beigepink beigepink
9 Responses Jul 11, 2010

Great post! Been there, done that. I left my SLM a year ago and felt much happier now with a new relationship. Absolutely the best decision of my life. I hope you're also enjoying the new chapter in your life. We all deserve to be loved and appreciated. <br />
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It seems we are among the very few people on this forum who actually made the decision to leave the SLM. I admit it's not an easy one but the risk is worth taking. Just wonder why thousands of people out there in SLM would just rather choose to suffer than to take risk. Life is just too short to be wasted in pain and sorrow.

hi everyone, thank you all for your comments and the wonderful words of support. the experience project gave me a great deal of strength when i was stuck in my sexless marriage. it was comforting to know that there were people out there in the same lonely boat as me.<br />
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when i confided in friends, they would offer well-meaning advice but inadvertently hint that i was not trying my best. the drs would give us viagra but that did little to help when the attraction on one side had simply fizzled out. the dr even pointedly said to my ex-husband, i have seen your wife and i don't understand why you are not attracted to her. <br />
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however i do have to make one point, i believe that he is truly in love with the other woman so i no longer feel as angry with him. i try to stay strong and positive. for someone to have treated me the way he did as well, that is not the kind of person that i would like to grow old with, or depend on when the going gets tough. every night, i thank God for blessing me with the chance to start my life afresh.<br />
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i am extremely lucky and blessed that i managed to get out on my terms. friends, if you do leave your marriage, do so on your own terms and when you are ready. don't rush into anything impetuously. if you suspect he is having an affair - collect the evidence, do not fly into a tantrum, hire a pi, make sure your children are in a safe place. and most importantly, ready yourself with emotional strength. have friends around you that will support you and not discourage you. if you stay for reasons of stability, be aware that a marriage with no physical connection is companionship. is that enough?

Thank you for posting. I too, am stuck in a sexless marriage. My husband can perform, but he continually lets me know how unattractive he finds me. So he never makes any overtures. the last time we were intimate was 6 months ago and it was excruciating. I hated every second of it and I really never want to sleep with him again. I want to leave, but I know he will make it an extremely acrimonious situation. I will lose everything, and I don't want to lose the little I have. I feel so absolutely trapped. I am glad for you, that you were able to get out.

Thanks for sharing. Most refusers aren't having affairs. Some are though. Some have medical issues, some just don't care as long as they are happy. See narscisst...lol The reasons are many I guess. Glad you got away before you lost everything.

I am surprised ... truly ... there were a reason for marriage? ... already forgotten?

LOVE your post...thank you for sharing this....

I'm glad you rescued yourself. <br />
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Princess Cheeringwildly

I applaud your courage.

So very true... and so glad to hear that you found out before he absconded with everything...<br />
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Very happy to hear you are feeling so much better!