The Power Of Never, For Eckhart Tolle

My unloving wife gave me a copy of a book called Practicing The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. She said that it might help me and that she found it very useful. I know a few folks in this group have made reference to the author's writing and found him helpful.

I found the book to be ridiculous, repetitive and without any concrete advice. The entire book can be summarized with one piece of advice: " Awww, just forget about it! " a la Donnie Brasco.

My wife was trying encourage me to forget the past and move forward. Great advice from a refuser. The spirit of the book seemed to encourage you to look at the positive things in life today and build upon it without dwelling about the misery of the past. On the surface, such advice seems to make sense. However, it really has no place in discussions of love.

My wife seems to think that I am a worry-wart and that is the source of my depression. That is easy for her to say, the collection agencies called me with every overdue bill.  She even went so far as to admit that she did no worry about money our marriage.   I am starting this discussion to highlight how this vacuous book pertains to being refused.

It is no surprise that the book has such wide appeal because it has no substance. It offers advice to people who are the victims of abuse -- that much of it is good. However, the spirit of the book indirectly encourages people to ignore their responsibilities. Thus, it offers the same advice to the abusers who wrestle with their conscious.

Secondly, I told my wife that I did live in "The Now" for more than three years of refusal and that strategy failed me. I ignored her shenanigans and I still desired her. I ignored her reckless spending and I still desired her. I ignored the growing affection she had for her pets and I still had faith that her love for me would be forthcoming.

Every single night, I went to bed living in The Now of marriage and it did not help. No matter what my wife did to stress me out or disappointment, I still wanted her love and I still had believed that sex with her was good. However, she was living in The Never and trodding over me.

Today, trying to live in The Now is not going to do me one wit of good when I have a hard on lying in bed next to my frigid wife.

Love is magic

The spirit of the book is the very anti-thesis of human love -- other than the love of oneself. The book suggests that the root of your happiness lies within yourself. It does not surprise me that my refuser wife gains strength in the writing of Eckhart Tolle. The very essence of human love is the derivation and or the delivery of joy from one person to an other.

By the way, the SPAM filters in the forum are horrible. They would not let me post this in the forum because it appeared that I was selling something.
AnarChristian AnarChristian
36-40, M
4 Responses Jul 12, 2010

Just a couple of thoughts here. Firstly, while our spouses are not directly responsible for our happiness, they do know if something they do brings us joy and pleasure, or not, as the case may be. Whether they do something about it is a choice they make. Secondly, as we ar the architects of our own happiness, then it falls to us to find it. <br />
Now I am not being flippant but lets turn the argumetn around - if we seek our happiness, our joy elsewhere, will our spouses then claim that we are responsible for their unhappiness? Or are they ultimately responsible for it?

We are not "responsible" for anyone else's happiness,nor are they responsible for ours, but when you take the marriage vow/sacrament you vow to be a loving and caring spouse, to forsake all others, etc. etc.<br />
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If your spouse is acting like they live alone or for themselves and you aren't included, well I'd say you are going to be pretty unhappy.

i think you should write your own book. it can even be a couple of sentences, dedicate to your wife. <br />
i'm thinking of doing the same.

AC: I am so sorry for what is happening in your life. I'm sending you hugs.<br />
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Maybe it is time to "move forward" literally. You are in my thoughts and prayers.<br />
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