Dangerous Dream

Over the last few years, a colleague and I have shared our stories about being in a SM. Last week, he told me he had an intimate dream about us being together. It was h o t.

Damned "randy" feelings are now out of the box and all over the place.

Hearing and seeing how I made this person feel, my self esteem got a smidge of a boost into the positive side of the spectrum. It was a relief to know I still had that affect on a man!

I'm seething at the "roomie". If everything was okay at home, I wouldn't find myself dealing with this. We had two opportunities for intimacy this weekend, but nothing happened. (Still can't find stale Bass Ale anywhere!!!). I thought of making the move, but was turned off by his snoring.

I am a good person and work really hard to be a wonderful wife and mother. I'm not perfect, but am very supportive of things roomie wants to pursue. I would do anything to make him happy and help him work toward what he thinks makes him a better person. I'm mad because though I've told him what I want, he's still not working to make me happy.

I don't know how much longer I can disregard that. I risk the passive/aggressive responses if I bring it to his attention again. I'm not keen on him kissing me with a mouthful of food again... No thanks!!!

I'm having a very difficult time admitting that I am not happy in my marriage. I feel selfish, especially knowing there are far, far more worse situations. That's how I talk myself out of confronting him again.

For now, I'll just pretend it was the person I married who had the dream...



Elvis4E Elvis4E
31-35, F
9 Responses Jul 12, 2010

Well, I am certainly glad I don't have a collegue to tell me a hot dream because I would be too tempted to not.....uuhhhh just thinking about making love is so nice. lol.

I bet you re-live that dream over and over in your head a million times a day! Lol... Hell, I would! I agree that cheating would add a host of other problems, as you love and WANT your roomie. I do give you a lot of credit for sticking to your plan and marriage vows. I'm having a hard time concentrating on those at the moment. My libido is trying to take over! I guess fighting fire with fire is never the answer... I wish you all the luck in the world.

Thank you for your feedback.<br />
<br />
KFC: your first sentence is what keeps me in check. My refuser is hurting me. If I cheat, I hurt a lot more people. But yes, deprivation is scary.<br />
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VB: the green light coming from you means a lot!<br />
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Joan: the game is different when you are dealing with this as a married person. Plus, I'm not looking to get "laid", I just want my husband to desire me.<br />
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Citizen: Yes, I still want the goods from Mr Snacks. I got them before and they were delicious! Bacon would have been a totally different story!!! Bacon: no doubt the fairydust of meat!<br />
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Pittie: you are right-dealing with a passive/aggressive refuser is a big F-U. I don't see treating crazy with crazy fixing anything, but it might be worth a shot since this is so ridiculous!<br />
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Arlington112: true. I think I'll just relish the dream that he shared as long as I can. Thankfully it's risky for us to pursue anything other than flirting. I'll take at least that much for now.

I understand the fending off of the potential FWB...but as time goes on either the guy will give up and move on or you both will continue to chase the fantasy...good luck...you are stronger than I am!

Why not just accept that you're going to find physical intimacy elsewhere? Possibly emotinal intimacy too. When GF and I had a bad period (I won't take abuse, verbal or other wise), I had several alternate GFs until things settled down with the primary. Getting laid by different women went a long way to preserving my sanity and self worth.

I can tell you that cheating is never worth the emotional rollercoaster, guilt and the pain that's caused for so many.<br />
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As for the anger you feel toward your spouse, I understand. If you were happy at home, it wouldn't even be a consideration.<br />
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I spent years trying not to make eye contact with men, talk to men, be around men. But then, who are we if not ourselves. I knew I was unhappy, but my mantra everyday was "I will not cheat." One day someone I had known as an acquaintance only in my karate class had started getting chatty, and then more and more chatty, and we started to become very friendly. He kept asking me to have a drink with him and I kept finding excuses not to go. One day I said I need to nip this in the bud, so I went. He confesed how unhappy his marriage was and how much he enjoyed me and how he looked forward to seeing me, if only in class, and blah, blah. I told him to FK OFF, but that seed was planted and it haunted me and the rest, well you can read in my stories.<br />
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Deprivation will make you do things you don't want to do. Time to do some real thinking here.

Thanks, Mave and I'm sorry for your situation. <br />
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I would feel guilty because I usually internalize the issue to not rock the boat. But you've made me ask myself, "what have I got to lose?" And it would be nothing...

Why? Why would you feel guilty? Especially when you do so much for him and give him all the space and support he needs to make himself feel good! I only wish that my husband was willing to admit that he isn't perfect. He has taken ownership for our sexless marriage but that still doesn't change anything because he doesn't feel as though there is anything wrong. But honestly I'm still looking for my answer as to why I'm still in my marriage. As for your friend and his dream that is dangerous territory my friend. I'm a very open person and I've had a lot of men "offer help", but I've never really taken them seriously. When you do though there really is no turning back. I don't regret what I've done but I would rather still love my husband. My affair was really the last step in killing that love. I feel a lot less pain because of this but I still feel trapped, and I'm still unhappy.

Why? Why would you feel guilty? Especially when you do so much for him and give him all the space and support he needs to make himself feel good! I only wish that my husband was willing to admit that he isn't perfect. He has taken ownership for our sexless marriage but that still doesn't change anything because he doesn't feel as though there is anything wrong. But honestly I'm still looking for my answer as to why I'm still in my marriage. As for your friend and his dream that is dangerous territory my friend. I'm a very open person and I've had a lot of men "offer help", but I've never really taken them seriously. When you do though there really is no turning back. I don't regret what I've done but I would rather still love my husband. My affair was really the last step in killing that love. I feel a lot less pain because of this but I still feel trapped, and I'm still unhappy.