I'm So Pathetic

The reason for the title is as follows. I am curreltly out of town with a few co-workers. We are suppose to be attending training seminars and meetings and so forth. After 5:00, the night is ours. The one person that I confide in about my sexless marriage (other than EP) is with me. He said that we are going to paint the town red tonight. I apologize for spelling and grammar because what was suppose to be a few drinks turned into a few more. We ended up a the local " gentlemen's club" which is an oxymoron because I dont believe there is one true gentleman in that place. Anyway , my friend paid for a "full treatment lap dance" for me. I had never had a lapdance in my 37years of existance. This woman who I didnt know, was very beautiful in looks and "package" took me to a private booth to perform her show. Completely naked except for the pumps, Shoving her stuff in my face, biting my ....through my pants... well you get the idea.. I said to her this is really nica and all, but she cut me off by saying anything else would cost you another $100. I said how about you put your clothes back on and just give me a nice, sensual hug for the remaining of our time. This ********, who takes her clothes off for a living, getting slobbered on night after night by drunken perverts thought I was the weird one. I just laid it on the line and told her that I was in a sexless, non intimate marriage, and i most desire intimacy, rather than a brief visual stimulation to ********** to. To my suprise, she stayed, put her bottoms on but left her breats out. She sat on my lap, we wrapped our arms around eachother. and she ran her fingers through my hair for what seemed an eternity but in reality was only for about 10 min. But you know what, that 10 min. was the happiest I had been in a while. Even if it was bull s#it. Just that feeling of closeness, skin on skin, made me feel like a human being again eventhough it was a complete stranger. Its so sad that I felt more intimacy from a paid ******** than my wife. Anybody else would of wanted her buck naked, performing self degrading acts for a cheap thrill, but all I wanted all I needed was that closeness. I'm sorry for any crudeness of my words and mean no disrespect for the ladies here. I had a lot to drink tonight and should get to bed. Tomorrow I have to get back on a plane and fly back to hell.
highonstress highonstress
31-35, M
16 Responses Jul 13, 2010

For petes sakes, stop whining, and get a FB already!!! www.ashleymadison.com

For petes sakes, stop whining, and get a FB already!!! www.ashleymadison.com

For petes sakes, stop whining, and get a FB already!!! www.ashleymadison.com

I see nothing pathetic about what you asked this ******** to do for you and I bet she will always remember the man who just wanted to feel a woman's touch. Instead of ob<x>jectifying her you wanted a human connection that all of us healthy people need and want. Your story reinforces the need to be caressed in a kind way and is extremely touching to read. Intimacy with another is not just about the sexual act. It is accepting and loving and nourishing to one's soul. Cuddles and running one's hands over a warm body is life affirming. There is something lacking in any human being that does not realize the healing touch for a loved one. I hope that you find someone that will want to share this with you for "going back to hell" is slowly killing something vital inside of your soul.

Wow...you were right. I had almost the same experience

Not pathetic whatsoever! I'd say who doesn't want to be touched - but obviously there are some out there, or there wouldn't be people in this group. Here's another virtual hug, and I'll throw in a scruffy hair tousle for good measure. :-/ hang in there man!

If touch were not so important - why do we like it so much. Why do dog's crave a masters touch, chimps like grooming, humans need touch and hugs. It's a basic need, don't feel bad about wanting it sooooo much. I know I do.

You are not pathetic. Actually, you are admirable in your restraint and morals. Maybe a lot of guys would have taken her up on her offer but you understand that it would not have made much of a difference. In fact, what you did probably made more of an impact to you.<br />
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This sexless marriage issue is extremely difficult for us all. The complexities of family, financials, fear, etc. make what we do and how we address the issue very hard and everyone's situation although similar in nature is different for each of us. I don't know the details of your situation but I do feel your pain and sadness.<br />
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Its hard talking about this issue with our refusers since they don't understand or really seem to care. We don't want to rock the boat or create conflict so we don't talk about it anymore with them. We come here to EP where we find people who understand because we need to discuss this with someone and how can you talk about this with your friends or family.<br />
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I understand Brother! I also am living this paradigm. Hang in there!

Anna in answer to your question there are just people who have no feelings for intimacy & no need for it at all. In a way I sort of feel sorry for them. Must be hard to go through life cold & unfeeling. Most are also so self centered they just don't care about how it effects their spouse. As long as they are happy that is all that matters to them. Pretty sad isn't it? <br />
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Highonstress there was nothing perverted about what you did at all. Personally for some weird reason just like you strippers never did much for me either & I have a high libido. But having some stranger I don't know, will never be with who only cares about my wallet isn't much of a turn on. But having someone hold me, run her fingers through my hair & stuff would be nice to me as well. A few years back my band had a light man (worked the stage lighting board for us) who also owned an escort service. He told me that several of the ladies who worked for him had regular clients that wanted nothing more than a friend, confidant & a female companion that would just do the things you described for them. & they paid big bucks for that. So don;'t feel bad for being normal. Best of luck.

This post made me tear up. Please- don't assume you were their weirdo, you are NOT pathetic s t r ippers are s e x industry workers and you would be amazed at the variety of situations the encounter and how well educated this industry is in basic human need. If she has never been asked that before I am sure you won't be the only one and I am also sure you made a difference in her night that night. It's such a hard job and a woman puts up her own emotional walls especially in fully n u d e clubs where nothing about her is left her own. To have a man value her for something other than a C o otch show is rare-sure, but not unheard of, and not unlikely. I went to beauty school with an ex p r o s t i t u t e from the legalized bro t h els in Nevada and she told me she had many return clients who just needed human touch, not s e x ual, just spooning and talking and back rubs and general intimacy. <br />
You are NOT alone in your need. I can't stress that enough. Trust me, human loneliness is universal and at one time or another EVERY person feels it.

Ok, if this is causing us so much anguish, why aren't the refusers suffering from the same neglect and disconnect?

Touch one of the most basic of human needs I think.

Pathetic? I don't think so. In my book you are a hero!<br />
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Sensitive, caring and so deserving of real love and intimacy you are.<br />
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Take care friend.

You got a tiny taste of 'what things could be'.<br />
Now you "fly back to hell".<br />
You probably know what you gotta do. <br />
Maybe you don't know where to start, but start you must - at least putting some sort of time fr<x>ame on how long you are going to stay in hell, because chances are it'll stay as it is until hell freezes over.

Ah, I send you a hug from across the internet, this is what we need most, as human beings, to feel some connection to another, preferably the one we picked as our mate for life. I'm so sorry you are feeling the same alienation - I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I am in the same boat, in a similar sexless, hugless marriage, and like you, there is nothing else I need more in the world.

Oh honey. Loneliness is so hard. <br />
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You aren't pathetic. You are human. You know how many stories there are just like this one: women for money who end up offering talking and soft touch and not sex.<br />
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Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone needs love and intimacy. Our entire culture and society is bleeding for it. The emptiness is palpable.<br />
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Big hug.