Stuck! With No Way Out...

i've been married for 4 years now. we got married young and i guess i was still too immature. sad. but it was my idea for us to get married. i cheated on my husband. i've kissed guys while we were still married. i want to be with my husband. i told him about me being unfaithful. so he knows everything. we decided to work through my infidelity. that was a year ago. i was in it to win in it this time. trying my hardest to make things better. i know i can't ask him to forgive and forget. but that's what i need. i need to be reassured that he wants to be with me. but all i see in his eyes is emptiness and sadness.

will we ever be ok? how long do i need to fight for his affection before he can fall in love with me again? or is it pointless?

i feel like the worst person in the world and don't deserve to be happy. i don't want to make his life any more miserable like i have already. i love him. i want him to be happy. no i want to be the happiest man in this world! i know he won't be with me... at least that's what i feel like.

i am stuck in a weird place. i don't know what to do. i don't see my self living passed 30 i don't want to hurt anyone else. god! what a horrible human-being i am! my family will be so disgusted with me. where do i go from here?
secretname2010 secretname2010
22-25
3 Responses Jul 15, 2010

Thank you for feedback! Ur right he will never see me in the same light again. And he is the only one who can tell me what he can handle. We talk for the longest time last night. No I know we will be ok.<br />
I love him! My messed up past should ruin our future! :-)

Tell him what you've told us and see what he says. It takes two and only he knows what he can and can't deal with. <br />
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And I really don't think this is the group for you.

Divorce. Your husband is probably not going to change the way he sees you.