Awakening Perhaps Or Not

Well, here it comes my of many, may be the same, may be a bit different, we are all looking for answers, askying why, do we need a courage to change something or let it be?! I am right now on this verge.....
To make the long story short, I am in my early 30's, married for 10 years, with a wonderful kid soon to be 7. Our sex life was very intense when we met, when we married 2 years later. After our son was born we slowed down but still was good, once a week, or 3-4 times a month.......everything started pretty much suddenly when we moved to another country for 2 years 5 years ago due to the job of my husband. He was very busy, the job was very important and responcible, and he began to avoid me, always tired or not in a mood because of all the stress and work. I decided to spice our relationship with romantic dinners, poems, sexy lingeries......the result was many nights of my crying and he sleeping being very tired and stressed. I wanted to converse, I wanted to help him if there was a problem, we could've search help together, no, he said everything was fine, only his work was too demanding.
He did not touch me for 2 years and two months until we came back to the States, this time I confronted him hard after finding a print email from a female friend, where it was clear they were having an affair. 
I was angry and lost, he was rejecting me intimacy and while being away for business he was another women.......we talked that night a lot, for hours, I listened and he asked for a second chance, I was in love so much and I gave him my forgiveness......he promised things would change, yes, I was so naive......for about a year and a half we did have sex once a month only, I do underline only when he wanted, it was fast, sorry for this and he was asleep. I felt even worst, it was like he was giving me bread crumbs to keep my mouth shut, so I do not say we do not have sex and this was it.......I still wanted this man, wanted to give him a second child and he said no, we are done with kids, and now is again more than a year since we were together......honestly cannot take it anymore. I did try so much, all the romantic gestures, lost weight and even being quite sexy is not changing him. He thinks that providing for the house and making me gifts will compesate being close and intimate with you, he said this is how he expresses his love. How do I know that he does not have another woman or women out there again?
I am a woman, alive, with hot blood in my veins, many find me attractive, have a good and sucessful job.........I cannot continue this emotional up and down. I want to be loved, hold..........and this is why I am saying that right now I am on the verge to take a decision to stay with him in this sexless marriage or leave with our son and try to make my life. The last drop was a few months ago, he told me that if I want a second child, let's do an artificial insemination, he will give the ***** so I can get impregnated, yes, this is what he said, so I can finally leave him alone........this hurt so much. What should I do?  Sorry, I am typing fast and might have some errors, cannot go back and read human power will make me read again my own suffering.
solecito22 solecito22
31-35, F
8 Responses Jul 16, 2010

I agree with LaoTzu that there is something wrong with his request to have a child this way. A contracted STD would explain his behavior as this is not normal. You have the financial means to leave and give no indication that this marriage will get better. Make a new life for yourself and your son and regain your happiness and self respect. I wish you the best no matter what you decide but the red flags are many and reasons to stay are absent. D.

I am truly sorry for this betrayal. I hope you have read all of the advice above and make a decision that leads to your happiness. You really deserve better and so does your son.

I'd just like to add my two cents - it seems that in your situation, your husband has shown that his is not a case where he has no interest in sex. He carried on an affair while your need for intimacy were neglected. I don't mean to be harsh but your husband's suggestion that you have another child via artificial insemination may be more than just a case of not wanting to have sex with you. He may well have contracted a sexually transmissable disease from his indiscretions. Take care and be safe.

Your story touched me, and am so sorry for your pain. Your intuition is right, the relationship is deeply flawed. It is the intangibles that are met when things are good. Relationships at their best are mutually loving and reinforcing. Wishing you the best - Y

You are a good caring woman, with red blood in your veins and deserve soooo much better than you have got at the moment. Leave now with your child and find a guy that will respect you and appreciate your feelings and think himself a lucky guy to have a red-blooded woman like you. You then become a happier woman and your son then will benefit for having a happier more contented mother. After all most children would want their mother to be happy.

Get out! It's been a travesty for a long time hasn't it - and you've given it your best efforts so don't feel any guilt when you go - goodbye and good riddance! x

If I were in your shoes, I would leave him. You say you have s good job...that's great, you can be independent. You will find someone else who is deserving of your love.

You deserve better, I am in the opposite position that you are in. If my wife would have half the drive you seem to I would be fine. At least that SOB felt guilty enough to keep his hands off you for all those years. Walk away, sounds easier than it is I know, but I really do mean it when it sounds like to me that you do indeed deserve much better. Some day your son will understand, but you being chained to your husband does not make sense. I would imagine that you could find happiness with someone.