Funeral For My Wife's Libedo

     I love the person that my wife is, this is why I married her.  I honestly don't understand where her sex drive went over the last couple of years, its gone.  She was finishing up her Masters, well I thought the stress of that was causing it. Than she took a position as a coach, thought "Hey, when that's over, game on." Nope, nothing of the sort.  I am getting to the point where I can't take it any more, I would like to talk to her about it but honestly what would be the point?  I want her to want to have sex, I do not want to have to talk her into it.  Takes the purpose out of it, really.   I am utterly surprised at the number of women on here complaining about their husbands, I was passing this problem off as "ladies just don't want sex as much as men" but that illusion has been shattered as well.   
    I am sick of the once a month marriage maintenance sympathy **** that I know for a fact comes at 10:30 on a Saturday morning, but I except it any ways because if not than then never.  I just can not understand how someone can be so, whatever the word, cold seems to cruel to be honest.  I am tried of trying, you know all the romantic business that should put someone in the mood.  Very sick of it all really, thought I could tough it out but my eyes are starting to wonder and am honestly starting to consider the c word.  Don't want to type it as of yet, to spell it out may give it life.    
Shaffg Shaffg
26-30
5 Responses Jul 16, 2010

Interesting comment in that you say you want her to want sex but you don't want to talk to her about it & that you shouldn't have to talk to her about it.. If she has no libido then she just doesn't want it or could have medical issues that cause it. But it would seem that the only answer is you will HAVE to talk to her about it. It could be in her mind that since you are silent about it you have no desire either so everything is okay. Women say it all the time "were not mind readers"..lol <br />
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It can be handled in a non confrontational way. If she is loving to you in other ways then maybe she is open to discussing it. If she wont talk about or just shuts you down & gives you the "I wont so deal with it attitude" then that in itself is a problem. But at least you will have an answer. Just some food for thought.

Too often in our society there must be a good guy and a bad guy, this is silly people change over time, the consept that we must be together for life is silly. Far too often people are not honest and then problems get out of hand. If two people are not compatable sexually it is no one's fault it just is but should be brought up and hashed out. Perhaps swinging is the answer perhaps not.I have loved many people in my life and sex was not involved, many times it was. Nothing is forever

Too often in our society there must be a good guy and a bad guy, this is silly people change over time, the consept that we must be together for life is silly. Far too often people are not honest and then problems get out of hand. If two people are not compatable sexually it is no one's fault it just is but should be brought up and hashed out. Perhaps swinging is the answer perhaps not.I have loved many people in my life and sex was not involved, many times it was. Nothing is forever

I am a wife in a sexless marriage. Been to counseling, I communicate, I used to initiate I am done. I tried for over 20 years to interest my husband, after 4 children I am still in shape and understand men are more visual. I am the breadwinner, I play it down. I make the decisions, I include him to help him feel he is part of the process. I have done all I know to let him be the man. I am married to a aging boy with no drive to provide, anything. I am 47 and feeling widowed. He gave me wonderful children, but my eldest is starting to behave like dad. Nothing is his fault, he takes no responsibility for his actions. At 21 I fell for my husbands sense of humor and his non judgmental attitude. He is not so funny now and what I took for non judgmental attitude was in fact he really does not care. Am I alone in this? I sound like your female counterpart.

Maybe you should try to have a discussion with her to see what's going on. Before you look elsewhere, see if you can figure out what's going on with her. If you don't have kids, maybe it's a good time to leave before you get tied down.