Same Story, Just Felt Like Telling Someone.

So yesterday we wake up and he wants to discuss our ("his") day, so we snuggle a bit. He tells me "don't plan anything this afternoon" which meant "let's have ***". I am not even excited, well, I am physically but my brain knows better. After all, it's always about whatever he wants when he wants it. I can start out at the top of the list and in 10 minutes, I'm number 12 and falling. So, of course, he makes plans to do stuff all afternoon and nothing happens. I don't say anything, I wasn't expecting it. But tonight, I mention it in passing, and he gets all bent out of shape and calls my huge wonderful Italian family who has loved him and welcomed him with open arms and food, a bunch of "bast**ds that breed like rats". Ummm, being Italian, the fastest way to meet your maker is to talk about my family. So he YELLS at me "what are you doing tomorrow, huh???? Let's plan it right now, OK???? I do'w want this hanging over my head for the rest of my life!!!! What's the matter? You got something better to do? That's what I thought. I don't want you to EVER EVER throw that in my face again. I asked you for sex (1st time since last fall) and you won't commit!""""

I was impressed and amused by his meltdown, it felt nice watching him suffer, I didn't blink, flinch, apologize or appease. I just said "well, we'll see what happens, I'm not really all that excited with the prospect though" and walked out of the room.

What a inconsiderate, cold, manipulative, unappreciative pig.  But it must've bothered me because I'm self medicating with the xanax and wine again (no, not typing impaired tonight!).  I'm sure it's giving me an ulcer.

Whatever. Does anyone just ever go completely numb? No happy, no sad, no anger, no NOTHING. I'm an emotional zombie.
GingerJen GingerJen
41-45
10 Responses Jul 17, 2010

Thanks to all of you!

The numb bit, I found, was a precursor to a point of clarity.<br />
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You might be further along the road than you think.<br />
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The clarity stage is not much fun either, but it is progress, and you might be close.<br />
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Hope so. And sincere best wishes.

I get it--people assume when you mention a pharm that you are abusing it--which it sounds like you are not.

Well, he swept his afternoon free at 3:30 and acted like I had just broken his heart and the 11th commandment by my not being interested in have *** with him today. Sorry, I'm over it. I told him "I don't care if I ever have sex WITH YOU again". I know where this is going, I'm just not ready. I need to make some plans, save some money etc. <br />
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I don't want you guys to think I'm a junkie. I see a doctor and I rarely take the xanax, it's 3x a day and I take maybe 4-5 pills in a week. It's just on Saturday nights, all of our friends and family's "date night", it's particularly hard for me. It seems to run in cycles? Like I'm OK for 3-4 days and then by day 6 I'm brittle and about to break. So a xanax and a glass of wine is better than crying hysterically and talking to my dog on the porch. Bless her heart, she probably needs a xanax and a glass of wine!!

No, sorry, you will never get "used" to being treated so inhumanely unless your heart hardens to stone and your soul totally withers away.

What a low blow picking on your family! Next time he does, just tell him yes italians are latin lovers why would you think i would feel ashamed of being a passionate person. Oh how our spouses know the right buttons to push... *sigh* <br />
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Hang in there, but try and cut down on the medications if you can? I am one to talk i smoke a joint every so often just to chill out, but i try and stay clear from pharmaceuticals.

Gj - you know what he's doing to you with his mind games - all this other stuff is what lets you live with it. I rather think if you stopped the self medicating you'd see things a bit more clearly and let yourself get good and mad - and it sounds like you need to do that. And babe, doesn't he deserve a bit of anger? Stop numbing out and smell the coffee honey. xx

GJ, no answers, just empathy. Seems like your H is trying to psych you out, making overtures then later yelling about you pressuring him. It is all craziness. There is no rational way to match craziness, except to step away from it. It sounds like a good time for you to take care of yourself and rediscovery that which brings you joy. Best! - Y

I found a remarkable number of ailments magically disappeared from my life when I disappeared from his. <br />
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Princess Muchbetternow

Also, how does this affect you physically? I can't sleep, I feel like I'm sleep walking all day, my shoulders hurt, I work out alot (lots of tension to release), I take wellbutrin for depression and xanax for the panic attacks (didn't need this til the big freeze started about 18 months ago). I'm on prevacid now, my stomach stays upset.