Sexless Marriage, And I Have Only Been Married 3 Months

It is like pulling teeth trying to get him to be sexual at all.  He can't even figure out missionary position. I try to drive with me on top, and he just pulls out, immediately. We try oral (he can't figure that out). We try manual stimulation, he just pokes around at my pubic bone, and can't figure out where my vagina is. I didn't realize prior to marrying him that it was this bad, because we really weren't sexually active. He is taking testosterone, and it is not helping. I don't know what to do. I cry every day. I never thought I would get divorced, but I can't live like this.  We are in sex counseling, but it really isn't helping either.  I am so tempted to have an affair (yeah, I'm a *****, I know). I just want a good ****. I use my vibrator constantly.

I am unemployed, except for occasional per-diem work, so I can't really leave yet. I can't believe I am even entertaining the thought of leaving. I thought he was my "soul-mate." I don't know if there is any potential for it to get better.

imsexstarved imsexstarved
26-30, F
9 Responses Jul 19, 2010

Sex counseling isn't working because the suggestions, like a vibrator, creep him out. He read this post and met with a lawyer. I still wanted to continue with therapy.

Discussion tried... no improvement<br />
Counseling tried... no improvement<br />
You doing all the work... no improvement<br />
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You don't want to live another 60 years in this state.<br />
You have no children yet so get out now.

I am with AC - if he wants it - work with him and MAKE him try. If he won't try or is just flat-out denying - then RUN fast.<br />
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Fuzzbop… are you kidding? 'I don't know any man that would oppose an open marriage.' Really?<br />
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Just for your info… I am not getting any, but I sure as hell don't want an open marriage. Never have, never will. There's 1 man. You can have yours - no problem there - just not for me.

Wow you guys have not been married long at all. Did any of these signs appear before now? Are you willing to teach the guy how to please you? Maybe you should see a counselor..but dam you have not been married long.

Have the affair! Maybe even involve him in your romps! Bill in Va.

What exactly is being done and said in sex counselling??? and why is it failing? You should give us details. <br />
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Two things need to be addressed in your story: his interest versus his skill/intelligence. Which one is truly the problem? ( To the rest of the gang, I am appalled that nobody has pointed this out already. ) You never really said that your husband is refusing to have sex with you. It just sounds like he needs practice. If my wife was just plain boring at sex, I would never think of leaving her. It is the refusal that drives me mad. <br />
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If your husband is genuinely refusing to even try to have fun sex with you, yeah, you should leave. However, if he is just clumsy, I think you need to be more mature as a wife and cut him a little slack. Otherwise, you may forever be disappointed.

If you're hoping he'll figure the sex thing out...don't hold your breath!<br />
You're young and you can start afresh. Look on this as a learning experience and move on. <br />
All the best with whatever you choose.

Leave.

Don't walk away.<br />
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RUN