I Could Have Had Some...

I had been away from home ffor about three months.  During that time, my spouse was alone to do what she wanted.
I think it wsa good for both f us to be apart.
I know it was good for me.
While away, I met someone who was ready willing and more than eager to be my booty buddy.
She was married and apparently wanted something more so she was out and looking for some.
We chatted online for a while, then we met for coffee and pizza in a public area.
She was not the most beattiful woman in the world but then I am not exactly a Tom Seleck look alike either.
Alot of things went through my mind.
Was her hubby gonna hunt me down?
What would my wief do if she found out?
Was she disease free?
What about the locals up there?
Would it afffect my career if it got out?
All that fussing and frettingg came for nought.
We had plans to end my 4 year dry spell, but I found that I couldn't got through with it.


Now I feel like I will be dry for the rest of my life and that is depressing.

MontiPora MontiPora
56-60, M
4 Responses Jul 19, 2010

I am proud of you! i have been in the same situation and i know how hard it is to say no even when we have to go months without any sex. ur wife doesnt realize how lucky she is to have you! maybe u should tell her how close u were to cheating, it may open her eyes. i wish u luck that it will get better!

I've often put myself in the situation of being able to be with someone who wanted it as much as me.. aka an affair. I think it would really have to be with someone you trust. I know I could just go out and pick up some guy, but that would be too strange. Being in a sexless situation effects you in all kinds of ways. Your body may be saying yes, but your mind isn't ready for it. I can relate, and you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to go through with it!

I was raised with the belief it is better to leave than to cheat, but I am not so sure it is right for everyone. I just encourage you to be honest with yourself. Did you resist because you love your wife or because it was easier than facing a divorce?

Monti: You've got to take things at your own speed and not force it. I think it's the planning that got to you. Just go along for the ride and see where it takes you. If it happens then it happens. But setting it up as "it's going to be tonight!" could be added stress than you can't handle right now. Plus you are (rightly or wrongly) over analyzing the situation.<br />
<br />
BTW, what was your wife's reaction to you coming home after 3 months? Any change in her?

Sadly...no. We have come to terms with our relationship. After 5 years of abstinence, I no longer give a damn. All the testosterone has drained from me and I know an inner peace that is very profound.