I Wonder What My Husband Would Do If:

I do wonder what my husband would do or think if he should find his way onto this site and see and read all that I have posted here - especially my blog. There's a thought. But then he can barely turn his mobile on - finding his way around the intricacies of the internet would be beyond him - and I use private browsing. Here's hoping that he doesn't.
wisiwig wisiwig
46-50, F
7 Responses Jul 20, 2010

I talk to my husband and he knows how I feel, he doesnt seem to care, so I doubt if he saw any of this it would matter, well not long, he would pretend concern and in a few days back to the usual ignoring me and my feelings...

My ex wife found a site where I had done a fair amount of self-disclosure. It was very uncomfortable, but gave me a chance to clear the air on some things I was afraid to tell her. At first it felt good to come clean, but then it became clear that she did not LIKE who I really was, and that led to our separation. Which, given the fact that I am not in a relationship I WANT to be in myself, is a good thing.

It isn't easy to move away from a long term relationship, trust me I know. I am grateful and thankful to have found this site. I am hoping to find my own way and make healthy decisions through reading different stories, as I seem to have so many issues going on right now. What I gather from this site is we are willing to expose what hurts us, makes us laugh, makes us cry, makes us sad or angry and these are all very REAL feelings. I want to feel real feelings and be vulnerable and yet know I am amongst friends that can be the same and not be daunted by realness and feelings and emotions that God gave us. I will be alive to myself. I do not want to be a WALKING dead person!!!!!! In addition I can say that if you can make your relationship work in the way you need it to work, good....but please do not settle....life is too short!!!!!!!!

If he did see it then it might generate a discussion - or three!

Thanks for the topic!! I found this site by pure coincidence last week, yes, last week and strangely enough by reading similar and not that similar stories to my own experience I found a little light in the dark that gave me the courage to take a breath with hope......knowing that I am not alone, that I am not some sort of a weird creature because of the way I feel. The bottom line is that I put all the cards on the table two days ago by honestly, very honestly describing to my husband the way I see this no intimacy union, I did not want to play with him, I did not want to see how this would or would not affect him, I did not want to be a coward by being silent, by suffering and crying from the inside out alone.....no, I told him how I felt and still feel...it was hard, very hard..guess what....he was shocked, he did not see it coming, he did not expect it, he is not my safety blanket, it turned to be that we are his safety blanket, the reality of me leaving with our son was like a cold shower for him. We are still talking, all is still in a very early stage.....should I go or should I stay (after std test and med consultation) will update you.<br />
But you, all you gave me the courage to make the move, thank you. <br />
Please do not get upset with me some of you with sexless marriages for years, I admire you, you are indeed very strong and focused to be able to live and survive. May be I am selfish or too romantic, or old-fashioned........very probably my body could survive with no sex and intimacy for years but my soul and my spirit won't be able......and if they are dead, so am I, dead among the alive, homeless in my own home. So help me God for my own sake and the one of my child!!

It is sometimes tempting to let my page, my stories up and just see if he would be affected in any way. I guess that would be the cowards way out on my part, until then, well, Im here just like the rest of us.

My DW is computer phobic...otherwise I would have sent her an erotic anonymous to see it the mouse still knows how to play...