He Doesn't Believe In Sex....

Just like the title says...He does not believe in sex...  He has been living with me 5 years and for the last 4 years he stopped having sex with me.  First excuse I am emotionally exhausted, I have a headache and I don't believe that relationships should be based on sexual relationship.  I told him I am young what are you going to do when I hit my peak... He says don't worry you will lose the urge.  4 years and now I am looking for a lover to take care of me.  I have one now and planning on getting another.  How can a man tell a woman that he does not even like blow jobs because it's degrading to a woman...  I have asked him if he is gay says he is not.  I feel that somehow I got cheated.  I have tried everything even soft ****, message lotions which he falls asleep as soon 30 seconds....  I am not ugly and hell I go to a nudist camp and can enjoy my look... but what is a girl suppose to do with a guy that says No to sex...
angelmorals angelmorals
41-45, F
16 Responses Jul 22, 2010

live your life , you will find a partner how is proud to have a girl like you - i think it would be a great pleasure to have someone like you -

You are emotional , forget everything, listen to all and do what your heart says.

He got thirty more days.... and dont know why he is the way he is but have asked him to see a therapist... but he feels its me and that I am addicted to sex... yet for 4 years I did nothing but hold my urges in.... Now they been released and refuse for anyone to hold them back...

Wow come over here.. I can take care of you !!!!!!!!!

@chainhearted I am sorry it took me this long to respond... and no it is not financial hardship he is with me... I have learned to survive on my own.. I do care for him but more of a friendly thing for I lost my love for him a long time ago.. I just accept him for who he is however, I just dont like some of the guidelines like no ************ one... However, till this day the degrading part about oral sex not sure.. he has told me he feels that a woman should not get on their knees since we do so much... unclear to me... Heck I love when a guy gets on his knees to service me... LOL... I have yet to find the true reasoning

Unwanted2: Run, don't walk, in the other direction! He sounds far too broken to even risk standing next to!

Do YOU own the place or do you lease it? If you own it, just evict him. If you lease it, you may find it easier to move yourself and just leave him in his apartment with a few empty boxes and his clothes. Let the EMTs handle it.

I'm not privy to what his illness is that lands him in ICU, but you need to ealise that the reason he lands in ICU is because HE will not do anything to prevent this happening to him . . . <br />
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As well as controlling your sex life, he is controlling you by pulling the "illness" card whenever he fels he needs to tighten his grip on you. . . . Whilst this might seem harsh, think about it.<br />
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He COULD do something to help you want to stay with him - but he refuses to do so. When you finally get to the point where he does drive you to wanting to leave him, he "conveniently" gets very ill. . . . <br />
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I believe you need to tell him (while he is well) that if this happens again, you will NOT be bluffed into staying . . . I stayed way too long with Husband No 1 because he would threaten suicide if I left . . . eventually he decided HE wanted out, and within 3 weeks was holidaying at a singles resort!!! Suicide? I don't think so!! Control? Absolutely!!!<br />
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I strongly suspect your husband "allows" himself to get seriously ill in order to control you - you need to withdraw that card from his pack IMO. <br />
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Best of luck for a happier future.

I hate to say this but, IMO, he's royally manipulating you! HE has issues...HE needs to work it out. Don't waste your life being his crutch unless you are into a self-sacrificing martyr complex! <br />
He MAY change..everyone is graced with that capability. The question is, on what time fr<x>ame is this change based and are you happy with such a timeline! I have painfully come to realise that, timelines can be warped for two people!<br />
Search your heart carefully but, don't base your decision on his possible change..base it on <br />
"I will do ____________, even if he NEVER changes"

i didnt know there were guys who believe in it. maybe he has trauma from childhood. W.e the case, if you care about him and are stuck, just tell him the two of you will be friends b.c you are seeing someone else. Have him help w. rent or w.e and treat him as you would any other friend, b/c clearly he doesnt want to be a boyfriend to you.

Honey, you aint goin nowhere in a car that has four flat tires as your man appears to have. Ditch the boring ride for a much sweeter one cuz your man is askin you to take a cab to meet your needs. Ah ha girl, that aint right. Noone want to take a cab when they got a car in the garage. I took too many cabs and I got fed up and left as I saw no point in hangin around.

It's all about control. The control of YOU. He controls the sex and intimacy and manipulates you with excuses and guilt. If you kick him out he feels he loses the control and abuses himself until he gets gets your attention. "See how injured I am? See what YOU'VE done to me? How could you?" He's got you believing that it's your fault for everything and has successfully trapped you if you let him. Why should he look for anyone else. You are fully under his control. He doesn't need anyone else. None of this is love on his part. I would question if he knows what love is.

Thank you so much... You dont realize how much I needed to know this...This is why I joined this EP... I wish I could leave him but it's not that easy..he has no one to help him out... and I have tried kicking him out and than always ends up in the ICU...so I am stuck... I wish that he would find the person that would give him what he wants... but I was the stupid fool to let him in...

Angel, I'm sorry to say this but yes, just leave him. He has made all the decisions on your relationship without you. And his self-rightous attitude will poison the relationship more and more. Yes you are young. Get your stuff together and leave. You can do much better but finish with him first.

Here are a few possible options he has a ****/m********ion habit, he's cheatin, he's gay, he's depressed, is medicates, has E.D., or has been abused as a child. Whatever it is, you do not deserved to be treated this way. Every human being wants and needs emotional and physical intimacy. This is NOT your fault!

Angel, my stbx used the same line for oral sex! As a woman can you even BELIEVE that! I left almost a year ago and am having an affair with an older married man whose wife doesn't like sex; or so he says. Regardless, he and I have amazing sex. Oh and he loves every minute of oral sex; giving and receiving. Angel, cut your losses and leave now. I wasted 23 years on a sexless marriage.