Because I Can't Do It With You, You Should Get A Girlfriend

My wife feels sorry for me that she is unable to have sex with me these days because of problems with menapause and her thyroid condition. We have only had sex about 4 times in the last year. This has prompted her to say to me 2 or 3 times "I'm sorry that I can't have sex with you. You can go and find other women to meet your needs." When I asked her if she was serious, she said something like, "Yes, I am serious. don't be a poofter." She comes from Iran where it is still not unheard of for men to legally marry a second wife. I haven't picked up anyone yet but I have been tempted, especially when my wife has been overseas. I have had addiction to p*** esp on the net for several years and been in and out of recovery and had heaps of counselling and been in mens groups. My wife is very understanding as I explained this on the night we first met. I have found the intimacy of lap dances very comforting during this difficult time, but I haven't discussed this with my wife. I have been to these kinds of night clubs on the way to hearing and dancing to bands in pubs and clubs by myself.

Anyway, I'm a bit confused about a couple of things. Firstly, should I feel free to get a girlfriend or have casual sex because my wife suggested it, or am I deluding myself? Secondly, if I do hook up with someone, should I really tell my wife, or are some things better left unsaid? Thirdly, given what I've already said, I don't think that getting lap dances ($5 each) is really cheating on my wife, but maybe I'm wrong on that one too?
gavmac gavmac
46-50, M
2 Responses Jul 24, 2010

Thanks for the comments guys. I should also add that I was feeling so frustrated and trapped that I used to want to leave this world. My mum had cancer and was living with us and my wife really loved her and looked after her well (except for sometimes going overseas for 3 months at a time to visit her brother and sister in Iran).<br />
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Anyway, I used to hate my life so much I would think, "I just have to stay alive until mum passes away". Mum died in January and since then I'm not having such suicidal thoughts, partly because I'm thinking that maybe there will be a life for me after this unhappy relationship

LOTS of issues here, gavmac. I read your other story, and, bizarrely it seems to have something important to say in this one. You say "I love hairy women", then go on to say that you "tried to convince her to never shave..." and "I stopped myself from whinging about it when she did that."<br />
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It was no accident that she told you that she "sometimes did it thinking it would be more sexy for me". <br />
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Then you go on to say she is "a control freak". I totally agree. She also has a perfectly "legitimate" set of excuses to leave you floundering in the dust and begging for scraps of affection.<br />
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Uncomfortable truth, gavmac. She is lying, and not very subtly. She is showing complete disrespect for you and she does not even appear to offer you any love.<br />
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Sorry, there is no other plausable explanation.<br />
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If you are happy with this situation, then good luck with your life. Personally, I think you need to get a grip on yourself, and think about where your future is heading towards. Your p**n addiction may even be a relatively "normal" reaction to how badly you are ALLOWING yourself to be treated. <br />
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Your biggest issue seems to be that you have little or no self-respect. Deal with this first, THEN see how you feel about the rest of your life and relationships.