Married And Lonely

I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. We are both in our early 40s and my husband has ED. Initially he didn't talk to me about it because he was embarrassed, but then one day when I was asking him why we never had sex anymore, out of frustration he said "because 'it' doesn't work anymore". He eventually agreed to discuss it with our doctor. The doctor prescribed a low dosage of Cialis, it didn't work. He upped the milligrams on his prescription and it worked sometimes. When he does take his pill he thinks that he is just supposed to automatically get an erection. I told him I didn't think it worked that way and that we have to initiate foreplay or something to get him mentally and physically aroused. He said he never had to do foreplay before, and he leaves it at that. Sometimes he tries to have sex in the morning when he has that "morning semi-erection", but it doesn't get hard enough or stay long enough for us to have fulfilling sex. I love my husband dearly, but do not want to spend the rest of my life not having sex. I feel lonely, unattractive, unworthy, and frustrated. I don't know what to do anymore, my heart and body ache to be with the man that I love. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Wnahvfn Wnahvfn
41-45
6 Responses Jul 24, 2010

Same situation here, we are in our early 40's and my husband has ED. I have been asking him to do something about for 2 yrs. Well he did, got 3 samples of Cialis. He used 1, it was and great, and the other 2 are still in the medicine cabinet. He has not desire to use them. Well I have become distant, and lonley. I have been feeling sick for a while and realized I don't love him anymore. So the other day he says I love you and I couldn't say it back and told him how I felt, that lack of intimacy, not sleeping in the same room, not watching tv together has made me lonely. I told him I was leaving ( we have no kids ) and he pleaded with me to give him another chance and he would start by coming to bed at night. I said yes, but I just don't feel it.<br />
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So I fee your pain, hang in there and follow your heart!

you sound like the most wonderful wife to me and he sounds like a real life MAN as in bloke his male pride is strong and i think that this is the sensitive obstcle he knows your needs and wants its tearing him up in the wrong places ..and he dosnt realy want to talk to anyone about it even if he dose its for you ..im no experrt but though it hurts place no importace on the ed and without making an isue of it get kinky get a sex toy (non penatrative) vaginal pump,a buzzer clip let him find it be sure that you are enjoying it it can take the presure of perfomance away from him and he can start from somehwere he recognises like like you glowing and preocupide ...as long as he thinks ooops its not gonna change ..you sound like the most loving folk wish you the best again im no expert but i am a man and ive been in the desert so to speak

You know, this is his problem, and he doesn't seem too willing to help does he? He needs to see how important this is to you - so some serious talking is needed here - and then he needs to have some sort of a time limit. If he's not willing to try, then that gives you a big loud message doesn't it? And you might then have some serious thinking to do yourself!

Maybe issues of self-esteem here? Definitely think therapy would be useful; your SO seems unaware that things other than penetrative sex can be fulfilling. Maybe a little bit of sexual education is in order. We're not all Sex-Gods from birth; we maybe need a push in the right direction sometimes.<br />
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Best, Rob.

It is very frustrating when he seems unwilling to suggestions. I guess, it might help if you both went to see a sex therapist. Maybe he will listen and cooperate and it may also help the both of understand the fears and frustrations you are both going through. <br />
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Seriously, he doesn't engage in foreplay? Was it like that before the marriage? No foreplay? Are you ale to find work out what turns him on and do a bit of role-playing.<br />
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I do think that the two of you need help - therapy. He also needs to know that how you feel and its unfair for him to just hide behind it and not do anything about it.<br />
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It is important that he knows how you feel about the lack of sex and the potential future of no sex.. even if he may have resigned to it himself<br />
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Best wishes to you both...

Try a little B&D