How Many Months Now??? Oh Who Is Counting.

Let's see, the last time my husband and I had sex was in March 2009. It was a part of a homework assignment from our marriage counselor. In my mind, it simply does not count. He had sex with me to appease the counselor, not because he actually *wanted* me. I have tried not to become a bitter ***** to him but haven't succeeded. When I was single, I was pretty sexually active. While we we dating I accepted us not having a hugely sexual relationship because his explanation made sense to me. He was uncomfortable being very sexual before marriage because of his religious beliefs. It made sense, I had no idea it was a lie.

Nothing has changed much for me since I last posted here, probably over a year ago. Or maybe that is not true, increasingly I find him annoying. I wonder, if there were something to keep the fire kindled, something to turn to when things are tough, something that made us both feel good (other than beer, which seems to be what I have to make me feel good now)....I wonder how I would feel about him. I definitely loved him once. I would never have married him if not for the love thing. But he did not uphold his end of the bargain. He promised me he would always have a job...NO.MATTER.WHAT "even if I have to flip burgers at McDonalds". But he was out of work for a while. In fact it was one of the years that I was sick, but I got up and went to work, no matter how I felt because I knew the weight of the financial burden was on my shoulders and my child had to have a roof over her head and food on the table. Day after day I came home to a messy house and a man sitting on the couch. I stayed though...growing more bitter each day. I begged him to show me something, to make me feel like he still found me attractive....but then I decided I could no longer argue about sex. The funny thing is, I always tried to talk to him sanely about it. Away from when we were in bed, I tried to explain to him how it made me feel to be ignored sexually but the sane discussions never stayed sane.

Clearly there is more than one issue at play here. But if we had something to get the endorphins going perhaps I would not be so fed up with him.

And as far as the sex part, I have made him appointments with endocrinologists, urologists, internists, and counselors but I cannot force him to go to an appointment he does not want to go to.

He claims to just not be interested in sex. He has ED. And he is a poorly controlled diabetic. (Right now he is sitting in the living room eating ice cream that HE bought!!!)

Not even sure what my point in posting here today it. Right now I am not ready to walk out...ask me tomorrow and I might have a different answer.

This post brought to you by the letters N and O and the word SEX. Sponsored by Bud Light Lime.

livingforthemoment livingforthemoment
41-45, F
Jul 24, 2010