Has Anyone Fixed Their Sexless Marriage??

HI
I AM A 30 YEAR OLD WOMAN AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS, BUT BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 7 YEARS OVERALL, HE IS ALSO 30. AT FIRST OUR SEX LIFE WAS AMAZING, HE HAD A VERY HIGH SEX DRIVE AND IT WAS
VERY ADVENTUROUS. SINCE WE MOVED IN TOGETHER ITS STARTED DECLINING AND THE PAST 6 MONTHS HAVE BEEN
VERY BAD, MY HUSBAND NEVER INITIATES SEX ANYMORE, WHEN WE TRY TO HAVE SEX HE OFTEN LOSES HIS ERECTION AND WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT OPENLY OVER AND OVER AGAIN BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO FIX IT. HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND FANCIES ME BUT HAS JUST LOST HIS SEX DRIVE AND IS NOW WORRIED ABOUT HAVING SEX AS HE KEEPS LOSING HIS ERECTIONS. I HAVE TRIED SEXY LINGERIE, GOING AWAY TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING ELSE BUT WHENEVER WE TRY TO GET BACK TO 'NORMAL' SEX WE HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS. HE REFUSES TO SEE A COUNCELLOR AND ALTHOUGH I REASSURE HIM THAT I LOVE HIM AND WE ARE VERY AFFECTIONATE ALL THE TIME, THIS PROBLEM IS KILLING ME INSIDE. I HAVE A PRETTY HIGH SEX DRIVE AND I CONSTANTLY FEEL FRUSTRATED AND UNSATISFIED. I KNOW THIS IS REALLY AFFECTING MY HUSBANDS CONFIDENCE, I TELL HIM HOW SEXY HE IS AND HOW MUCH I WANT HIM ALL THE TIME - I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. WE HAVE TO FIX THIS, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I WANT TO BE WITH HIM BUT I AM TERRIFIED.
READING ALL THE POSTS IS HELPFUL AS ITS GOOD TO KNOW I AM NOT ALONE BUT HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY GOT ANY TIPS/SUGGESTIONS THAT HAVE ACTUALLY WORKED OR ANYTHING THAT COULD BE OF USE TO ME?
THANK YOU ALL
PAMELA1979 PAMELA1979
31-35
6 Responses Jul 25, 2010

Pam, <br />
If you are not ready to admit that your husband no longer loves you and you want a suggestion, I recommend that you fondle his schlong early one morning while he is still asleep and mount him. If that does not kick start regular sex, nothing will. <br />
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Sometimes reason and rational discussion fail because some people are nuts. Just like some alcoholics need an intervention, some refusers need a helping hand.

I agree with KFC. But even that takes motivation on his part to fix. Yes you should try what you can to get things back on track, but heed the warnings here.<br />
<br />
Right now, you have that high and mighty attitude that you are somehow the exception. Hey don't get me wrong, we have all been there. We just don't want to see you go thru the same long process we went thru. Or as they say "De Nile ain't just a river in Egypt."<br />
<br />
Have him check with a physician about the testosterone - not likely, but this has been one of the few success areas for men when it is the case. Beyond that, it is most likely mental.<br />
<br />
Mental does not have to mean a complex either. It could also just be he has lost that feeling for you. Now this is very hard to see because they will lie til the day they die about this.<br />
<br />
Oh yeah, and don't forget the scented candles - sorry, I just couldn't resist.

You need to encourage him to see a physician. He is feeling anxiety perhaps or has Madonna/***** syndrome. Now that he's married you, he sees you as untouchable and the future mother of his children. This is a problem.

Thank you everyone for your comments - sorry about the caps - the cap lock was jammed yesterday but i have changed laptops now.<br />
I do believe that he loves me and our relationship is so amazing in every other way - these things are sent to challenge us and make us stronger and I believe there must be a way to get through.<br />
Those marriage vows say for better and for worse and I cant give up because of this. <br />
I think my husband has some issues from sexual relationships in the past and finds it very hard to talk about but its given him a 'dirty' perception of sex and therefore having sex with his 'wife' is just not something he is able to deal with. I dont know if we can ever get to the sexual relationship I want but i do have hope that it can get better and we can get to a happy medium.... if you love someone is that enough????<br />
It hasnt been like this for a long time so maybe if we try to deal with it now and nip it in the bud while we are still having some sex then it can be ressurrected/?<br />
Does anyone have any tips or suggestions (especially from Men) on anything i can try to get through to him and get him to open up and experiment?<br />
Thank you all x

Pam, <br />
Just dump him and tell him to sort out his bullshit on his own. <br />
<br />
Somebody brought up his refusal to see a doctor. I know you love him and it is very difficult to fathom leaving him but I recommend that you closely examine what in tarnation could possibly make a man his age avoid having normal sex life with the one woman in the world he married and vowed to love??? <br />
<br />
I will give you a hint: A loving husband would be dying the same way that you are dying and he would make an effort to have loving sex with you.

Umm.... and please. No offense meant but.... Using all capitol letters is the internet version of yelling and normally reserved for that. And it's harder to read sometimes. Just an FYI. ;-)