He Does Not Believe In Sex Part 2..

As I mentioned before I am living with a man who just does not believe in sex....  I tried talking to him again about my needs and how life is not just based on holding hands.  However, he told me I should not be pushing the issue and to just marry him.  I told him I couldn't do that because I know what I am getting into and do not like what I see.  I tried explain to him that maybe that is why his first marriage did not work and that is why his first wife had many affairs.  So what does he do gets sick on me.  So I left and spend my weekend with a man I was not sure I wanted to sleep with and I shouldn't have because he was terrible.  I never had bad sex before and you figure that at my age you would know better.  I have my lover #1 whom I been seeing once a month whom I was trying to be loyal too... but I been wondering because of my circumstances have I now lost the little moral part of me...  Since I always been able to stay loyal the person I am with and now I am back to being a teen again...   I keep telling myself that this is a part of my life right now that I must follow and not to think to much about it...  But I keep telling myself How did I go from my ex husband for 13 years having sex 3-4 times week to nothing...  How do I accept this when I have needs that need to be meet....  I can not just become a NUN...  I keep telling the guy I live with to go away and he won't but instead tells me go out and have fun with your friends... Little does he know I playing with men instead...
angelmorals angelmorals
41-45, F
19 Responses Jul 26, 2010

As everyone here has already said, he is using you and you are letting it happen. So this IS your fault as much as it is his fault. How about cutting through the anger and fault finding - as there is plenty to go around - and focus instead on what you want your life to be. Start with five years from now. Do you want to still be with this guy five years on, without a single thing having changed? You're stark raving mad if you'd concede to it. So you have that settled. Now how about two years on - Are you willing to put up with this each day for the next 720 days? i bet the answer to that is NO just as clearly as the five year question. <br />
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See the pattern? So why would you put up with it for another day? Easier to yield than to challenge? It may well be so, but look at the terrible price you have to pay to avoid a disagreeable moment. It is costing your life more to float with the current than to swim to shore. <br />
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I think you are perfectly capable of sitting him down and telling him that his tenancy is over and that he must be out of the place by (insert date certain - check for landlord tenant law in your area and give him notice "for no reason" as provided in the tenant law). he is a squatter, a tenant who pays no rent. Use the law to get him out. It's not all that expensive and you can probably do it yourself. Send me a message with the area and state you live in and I'll give you whatever links pop up both for local attorneys who can keep this process headed in the right direction, and sources of law you should know if you rely on this approach. <br />
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But don't just sit there and take the abuse! You have a life to live and nobody is entitled to take that away from you.

Evict his butt. Change the locks, whatever. I mean really.<br />
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Now, once you have him gone, write me. I want someone that I can use like you. Hey at least I'll give you sex.<br />
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I am just kidding of course - except for the sex. But really get rid of the loser and quit being a freaking victim. Next time he goes to the hospital, have someone take all his belongings there and change your locks.

Just WHAT is stopping you kicking him out???? You complain about him but you still let him stay?? Get your "big girl panties" on and DO something, for goodness sake!! No wonder he walks all over you - you let him do it!!!

i wpuld give the world to please you a hundred times a week lovely lady anyway you wanted it

Thank you for all the advice.... and I wish it was easier said than done... I even tell him I meet someone else and all he does is stay put... I tried telling him that this must not be a comfortable situation for him especially since I rather go out than be stuck at home... I take the full responsiblity of the situation so make than he would think he came out on top... However, he won't leave and told him that this is my place and it's easier for him to move since nothing in this house belongs to him expect for the clothes on his back.. Yes, nothing in this house was brought by him... I am the one who does it all... and I hate that he won't leave so I can just enjoy being alone and do what I really want... I told him it's not healthy for both of us... I wouldn't even feel any pain if he left for there is no more tears for a man like him...

no sex, no money, what's he bringin to the table babygirl?

Boot this loser to the curb. <br />
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Is that your real picture?

HUNNY listen to me......................... YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY i study physcology, their are many gay men that want a normal life with a woman and love women but sadly are not sexually attracted to them!!!!!!! The question is, do you want to marry a guy who sees men aside instead of having sex with you he has sex with them and comes home to you? These are closet gays the only reason why they are with women is because theyre their possesions nothing more or less... DO YOU BLAME HIS EX WIVES FOR CHEATING ON HIM? You want a succesfull marriage dont get into this one :s say no while you can before its too late. I will NEVER marry a guy if i had a doubt marriage= spending the rest of your life with someone, starting a family, sex life, etc. This will be a massive obstical that will stand in your way! I hope you made the right decision.

There has to be a point in this post somewhere.<br />
Effed if I can find it though.

Like I mentioned in the earlier post, he is manipulating you. You have no ties to him! So why the dilemma. You DON'T want to marry him, you DON'T want him to come back to you...he's like bad fungal infection that just won't go!<br />
Take a hard look at yourself. You're unhappy and yet, you are with him!

Do you own the house? If so, arrange a legal eviction order and have it enforced. I'd be surprised if he suddenly needs to go to ICU if the move is being supervised by strangers . . . After all, he cannot manipulate them, only you.<br />
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If you do NOT own the house, arrange for a removalist to come and pack your stuff and MOVE OUT. <br />
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You are trying to be kind by sticking with him when he is ill, but his illness seems AWFULLY convenient . . .to HIM!! Time to stop being manipulated and tell him the relationship is over - and NO, even if he ends up in ICU, you are NOT staying. Until you exorcise this control manoeuvre, he will continue to get his way. . . . .

Don't do it - don't - please don't!!! I'm going to keep saying it until you listen. This is your life - here and now. Just don't!! x

I think you missed understood me.... I am the one REFUSING marriage... I rather not be committed to him that is why he ended up being sick this weekend... and I went off to do my thing... I have been refusing marriage for the last three years and planning to continue... I told him there was no way I would do it... I rather he left so we can both find our happiness...He needs to find someone with no sex drive to make him happy because I am not his girl... but than he does the hospital thing and the doctors make me feel bad because I do not want him back and than back he comes.....

Any relationship has to have give and take on both sides. It seems to me that you are the one giving and expecting things to change after you marry. They won't. If he does not make you happy now, then he never will. You are the one giving and he is the one not meeting your needs. Ask yourself what this man gives to you. Are you really prepared to live the rest of your life excepting second best.?

If you need passion and sex in your life you need to move on. DO NOT MARRY HIM. This tends to get worse if you get married and believe me, I know. If you want a lover then go get one. Life is short and this is not a dress rehearsal.

Do not open the door to strangers.

I wish it was that easy you guys... and I told him about professional help... viagra you name it but He always ends up in the ICU... Literally, I told him that my sexual needs where demanding compared to him and that he would be making a mistake by staying with me especially since we have become roommates... I wish I could say he had money but everytime he comes out the hospital they bring him back to me.... though I told him to go somewhere else... and than the Doctors side with him... so what is a girl suppose to do....

Uhmmm.... I am wondering why you are staying married. <br />
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Does your unloving husband give you lots of money at least?<br />
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Oh, wait. I just noticed from your other story that you two are not married. In that case, just replace husband up there with the guy you are using for some mysterious reason.

Wow.....a guy not beleive in sex...Keep on playing since he wont ...