Is Healing Possible

To start with some background; I married young. My husband and I had always agreed that I would find work near a good university and that he would move with me to get his degree. I found work 950 miles from where we grew up and he elected to stay behind. He had an affair and I forgave him. I had later had an affair. I broke the affair off when my husband decided that he was moving up here. That was four months ago. I still miss my lover and he has been featuring in my dreams lately. Is it possible for my husband and I to heal? We are still best friends but there is no passion. We talk but tend to stick to light topics and avoid disagreements at all costs. What steps should we take to get closer? What should I do to get over the pain of leaving my lover? Any advice would be welcome.
hana4734 hana4734
6 Responses Jul 26, 2010

TahoeBaby says: Always tell the truth. It really is the best advice. Now you have cleared the air, how about you BOTH make a real commitment to making it work . . . ?? Good Luck.

Thank you all. We actually had a fight. It was the best thing that could have happened. We both aired a few grievances and cried. It was strange. It helped to be direct what was hurting.

You are both very young. You are separated by distance; by the affairs you have both had, and by the lack of any feelings of desire or passion. Personally, I think you would be wise to agree that this marriage was a mistake - and both start again.<br />
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The ONLY way it might work is if you are BOTH very keen and absolutely committed to each other and to fixing the relationship. Whilst ever you are pining for your lover, this is unlikely. He may be pining for his lover too - who knows???<br />
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Whatever you do, please don't fall pregnant! This difficult situation needs to be resolved and a pregnancy at this stage would be disastrous for all involved. . . .

First thing, "do you WANT to work it out with your husband ?<br />
That seems to be the pivotal question.

And if you don't want to even try it, then you should probably call it quits. If he is one of those high school sweethearts who never grew up and you did, then you are likely to break up (seen it many times). <br />
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That said, still give it one last try.

I would suggest that you act passionate around him, "take him", make him feel like he is the only man in the world that matters to you for just two weeks solid and it will begin to heal.<br />
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Just try it, what do you have to lose at this point?