I Became A Mistress Because He Does Not Believe In Sex.... Part 3

I been getting many good advice in my previous stories...  and you guys are all right.  I told him to leave and to pack up.  So now he is back in the hospital and I even told them I am not his family but a roommate.  I told them it was his was way of trapping me again.  As I sat there listening to the doctor explain to me that I should show more compassion and maybe try some counseling with him.  I told them I had to go to work sorry.. I sat there thinking how did I get into this mess.  I am now a mistress something I never thought I would become.  It feels great to have someone to escape too.. the way he just caress me and makes me come back to life.  I am not complaining because this man is great.  I enjoy the little time we both have and we have even gotten very brave sometimes.  There is no emotional involvement expect what is between our pants.  I love being a lover there is no other way but how long should I do this.  There is no demands, no strings and just pure sexual pleasure which I must say I enjoy tremulously. .  Here is this other man in the hospital and all I can think of is being with my special lover.  The one that makes my sexual fantasies come true...   How am I going to explain to the doctor that man living with me does not need me but wants to control who I am.  When they sit there at look at you like you are a cruel mean woman for letting this man be all alone.... Since when did they think I should become Mother Theresa when in reality all I want is to be is villain.. 

angelmorals angelmorals
41-45, F
18 Responses Jul 29, 2010

The fact that you are the only one coming around says a lot!!!!.<br />
<br />
He's a gold digger. He's with you for a place to stay or someone to be around, but doesn't care to satisfy you.<br />
<br />
He needs to find someone with similar beliefs. For example, I believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. Why would I get in an unmarried relationship with someone who is sexually active and needs sex to express and feel loved if I was living by that belief?<br />
<br />
Please don't feel bad about ME saying "I" believe. I'm a single man in a sexually fantastic, monogamous relationship. I don't justify it and no longer consider myself righteous. I am enjoying my life in the now.

Love is something shared.Control on the other hand is rarely shared,but rather a one way street.Sounds like you were being controled,not loved.You obviously are on the right path now,and it seems you have regained conrol of your life. Anything,or anyone that tries to stand in the way of this,is not a loving person,but merely a controling person.So long as you know the difference,you will be fine.

mmm the villian yes you are the villian and that makes you so hot. hope you keep up your affair and hope you get off on playing on him. and if he does come home. i hope you can give him some nice innocent torture. and each time you have sex with the other man. i hope you get off on it. knowing how your other man is suffering and you are having such a good time with your sex partner. knowing that not only you like it but so am i. keep up the good work. and never give up your other man.

Angel, I swear the guy you're describing sounds sadly like my own brother.<br />
There's been a huge rift lately as several of us decided to take our lives back after being held hostage for some time. AND needless to say hes used every dirty trick in the book to keep us around and as indentured servants.<br />
If it helps, write to me. I can tell you what all I went through and what I did to get out of it. <br />
There are limits to everything and at some point you will hit yours.

dont feel sorry for me... I tried many times to tell him to leave and its my fault that I dont have the hard heart... but the worse part is now that the deadline was here he didn't leave for he used my own kids against me... I told him that was the lowest of the low.... but told him that he is not a man and that he needs to realize that eventually he can never have me again... told him that he has issues that he needs to deal with... but he says I am... maybe its true for I dont have a cold heart... I tried but when the kids which he is not the father too... asked me why i am kicking him out when its the only dad they know and that I was being cruel what was I suppose to do....:(

Wow I read your three stories that you posted a bit ago. It had to be rather traumatic to go though that. I would not call you the villain, but maybe more of a trapped victim.<br />
So OK the guy has issues. . . but the thing is when we take on a relationship, we are responsible for making the other person want to be with them. If its not compatible, you move on to someone who can meet your needs. He's a BF not a husband. BUT even if he was, he has to live up to his end of the baron. IF he has issues he needs to own up to it and if he can't fix himself, he has to understand that the relationship is doomed.<br />
Really sorry you have been suffering like this. You seem like a nice lady.

live your and only your life - is good for you

Some people seem to just suck the air out of any room they are in - and the life out of anyone near them. I don't know why he is hospitalized but let him face HIS demons like you have to face yours. Enjoy life, wish him well and wave bye-bye ----

Dont be proud of me yet.... I just trying to get to the first step... and I did tell him a long time ago that It would not work out if I wanted someone else,.. and not to be surprised that I am ******* someone else and frankly he just told me.... as long as I dont kick him out he really does not care... and cried his heart out.... I really dont appreciate doctors thinking that just cause he is sick that the woman should have the compassion to take care of them... mmmmm.... but than tonight hoping to get laid so that tells you my heart is no longer with him

I am concerned that you are creating issues where none belong. How is it that you feel "pressured" bu the doctor? Doctors generally don't do that because they don't have time even to notice. For his doc to engage in mind games with you is pointless and screws up his already out of control schedule. My sense is that you are transferring your sense of guilt or obligation for this guy onto the doctor and so you find this message in anything the doc says. But doctors don't waste their time talking about family compassion. That's one of the reasons they are criticized for poor bedside manner. <br />
<br />
here's how I understand this situation. <br />
<br />
1. This man had a relationship with you but you are not married.<br />
2. For whatever reason, he has become asexual.<br />
3. Your needs are not being met and you have become increasingly frustrated and resentful.<br />
4. His reaction to any discussion is to turn the responsibility on you to accept an asexual lifestyle as a convenience to him.<br />
5. When he encounters resistance he has a medical emergency that ends him up in the ER. <br />
<br />
His medical condition may be triggered by his emotions. He may have learned that he can get his way by being a supervictim and you are to blame. That increases your sense of guilt irrespective of any actual causation that might or might not involve you. This is a classic emotional abuse and you are exhibiting signs of codependent behavior, which is a predictable result of emotional abuse. You need help to understand, exert control over, and overcome your co dependence. Help is available here through a network of sympathetic members, but we are not professionals. You need to speak with a therapist and work through this with her, so YOU are able to recognize when your responses are based in reality and when they are not. <br />
<br />
As to the guy expecting to come home to you and your marginalized existence, simply tell him he has to find another place to stay. Change the locks and take off for the weekend. Leave your cell phone off. It will be easier for you to teach him the lesson he will learn by waiting on the sidewalk overnight if you are not around.<br />
<br />
Then pack his gear up and leave it outside the front door. You are not his doormat.

In the movie "Batman Begins", there's a scene where Rhas A Ghul and Batman are on the El Train hurtling to their doom. Rhas looks at Batman and says "You won't kill me. You don't have it in you." Batman says "You're right...but I don't have to save you either" and leaves the train. This sounds like a good line to paraphrase with the Doctor. You aren't killing your husband but you don't have to save him.

I didn't think this guy was your husband? Ditch him. Change the locks. Tell him you're banging someone else and you're sick of his games. So long, see ya. Turn him loose.

Angel, I am SO proud of you! I really did not think you would be able to do it! Thanks for proving me wrong!!<br />
<br />
I suggest you ask to speak to the Social Worker in the hospital. Explain fully to this person that your "reoomie" uses his health as a way to trap you emotionally. Ask her/him to explain to the doctor why you will NOT be responsible for him any longer. You will find a Social Worker will have a much better grasp of the psychological issue than the doctor - at least partly because the doctor's focus is entirely on the patient. The doctor only wants what s/he sees is best for the patient . . . the Social Worker will understand that it needs to be a wholistic response rather than just patient focussed.<br />
<br />
BUT!! Even if the doctor does not understand - who cares? You don't need to impress the doctor. S/HE (the doctor) is not living your life - and does not have any right to try and make you do something that is against your own best interests. YOU are the important one here. Your "roomie" needs to develop a support system of his own that does NOT include living with you.<br />
<br />
Stay strong and remember you can come here for our support to do so. Well done!!

I'm with some of these others who have posted. Tell the doctor to fcuk him/her self and get out of there. It's not your problem. You are being manipulated big-time.

Well maybe self worth isn't the problem, maybe it is being a victim.<br />
<br />
I know I do not have the whole story, but I just don't seem to understand why you feel you have more of an obligation to this man than anyone else. The fact that you allow a complete stranger like a doctor make you feel guilt seems to say that you still have some things that you could address.<br />
<br />
I think you would do better to walk away and never look back. I am rooting for you Angel.

Justanewid... I would say a year ago I would have needed couseling but now my self worth has come back... and realized there is really nothing wrong with me... and since becoming a mistress I realized this is the stage of life I am enjoying right now... I do not want to be in any relationship right now it would be wrong to think I could anyways especially since I need to enjoy life alone for a while. However, I am telling the doctor I do not want him home and am not planning on visiting him, however, the pressure has been placed on me and hoping the good side of me does not out weight me this time...

Just tell the doctor that you are not related or married to this man. He has done nothing but treat you like sh*t. So if the doctor is so worried about this guy, he/she can take his *** home with them. Then tell him, by the way, here is all his stuff, where do you want it.<br />
<br />
Not sure why you have to become a mistress. Does this mean you are messing around with a married man? I can understand wanting to not get emotionally attached to someone right now, but just seems that can lead to other problems.<br />
<br />
I think you need to get yourself some counselling - I don't mean that in a bad way, but you just seem to really lack some self worth or something.<br />
<br />
Oh well, good luck to you, and don't take him back.

Very nice. Your story captures the way I feel in my own life. I just need to find a woman who feels that way also so I can enjoy the escape.