Guess Which One Is The Married Couple...

This isn't going to be a long story. More like a small thought (not my own) that made me smile. Ok, I'm fibbing. It made me go into uncontrollable fits of giggling.

I was listening to something recently: You're sitting in a restaurant and its filled with people. There's a couple chatting animatedly, he touches her hand momentarily, she smiles. There's another couple chewing on their food. They look down. They don't speak. Occasionally, they glance at the chatting couple with a tired, grudging look that says "why can't they just shut up?"

We all know which one is the married couple, right?

Why is this so? The usual answers you get is that the married couple have trouble communicating. All they need to do is to express themselves, tell the other what they want. All they have to do is to "open up", learn to trust each other again with their feelings. All they have to do is to make a little effort, "work" on their relationship. And then they will surely regain the in-love feeling again.

WRONG!

The married couple are the best communicators. They know exactly what to say. They have no trouble communicating. They haven't run out of things to say. But what they have to communicate is the difficult stuff. They've exhausted the trivial chatter of first-dates. Talking would mean they would have to tell each other the truth about each other. But they know that neither of them is really interested in hearing the words that matter. The words that hurt. The words that cut to the truth. And so they chew their dinner in silence and self-delusion.

(My wife has taken our daughter to go and see her grandparents for a couple of weeks. So I've had some time to myself to try and recentre and think. I've been listening to a CD about "passionate marriage"  and it's really challenged me.  That's where I heard this story. Then I read what Enna30 wrote about self-DDD and it got me thinking... BTW: has anybody else heard of this "passionate marriage" approach?  Comments?)
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36-40, M
3 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Gadad, thanks for the feedback on the passionate marriage approach. I think I might approach it from the perspective of fostering my own personal growth rather than a palliative to staying in a sexless marriage. The jury is still out on that latter issue and it impacts so many things. <br />
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DukeLeto, I agree that there may be nothing *new* to say. But surely there is still stuff to say... even if it is just sharing feelings? We all crave communication and yet, if the result of a long-term relationship is *inevitably* a drying up of communciation, then there really isn't any point to relationships at all! That is a conclusion I still find a bit hard to accept.<br />
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Johnwhozzle and ManiacMom... there is perhaps some truth in what you both say, but I'd like to invite you both to read the contributions on this forum. There's just a lot more to it than banging a craigslist chick or being boring in bed.

Haha... just started checking out this website tonight. You sexless married guys don't get the fact that us housewives are bored shitless. Chances are your wives are like me, finding love and passion online or in real life while you want to hump missionary style nightly.... sorry, but it's true. Also sorry i didn't really address the relevant post, just a general observation....

Better to save the money and eat at home. Make her a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Then use that money to go bang a chick from Craigslist.