I Can't Get Over My Mistress And It Hurts.

Man! thats the only way to go. Congratulations on your determination! I have one question. After two years apart, do you still miss your ex lover? Do you still think about her?

Hi, 2 years later and I thought I would update some people.
I am so surprised not only from the responses, but by the private messages I received.
Too many of us out there.
I look at my parents 47 year marriage and my grandparents 63 (yes 63!) year marriage and wonder how the hell they did it.
In any case, I stopped contacting her and moved on for 2 years.
This December, she contacted me and wanted to have lunch.
I met her (I know, I know) and we caught up.
She got married in July and told me she is unhappy.
She wants to hang out with me once in awhile and who knows?
WOW.
If you wait long enough for an epiphany, sometimes it will kick you in the *** like a sledgehammer.
I was going to leave my wife and family for a girl who after 5 months of her 2nd marriage, is looking outside.
I did love my wife and respected marriage which is why I felt guilt and was torn.
I went to therapy with my wife for 6 months and speak with her now like I haven't in years.
I am a little bored sometimes and that happens.
But I would rather be bored with a woman I love than to be insecure and worried with a partner whom I honestly cannot trust.
Marriage is work. Plain and simple.
If you want it to work, then you have to work at it.
If it is not there, it's not there, I get it. But, how can it be there if your attention and mind are somewhere else.
My Dad helped me a lot.
He said, if you leave your wife, I will stand behind you because you are my son BUT, ask yourself 1 question:
Have you done everything you can to make the marriage better?
Be honest with yourself.
Have you done everything? Truly everything?
If yes, than you can walk away with a clean conscience.
If not, than you are doomed to repeat this scenario over and over.
Good luck to you all.
I will check back from time to time.

.

I'm dealing with this as well. I've been married for 6 years to someone who was one time the most kick *** woman I've ever met. Unfortunately she has since become very cold and there's a big lack of intimacy. I considered divorce but then we had our awesome son and now I can't picture going even a few days without him. I met a woman who is really cool, pretty, funny and generally has a sense of independence and maturity I respected. We had the most deep conversations and knew dating each other would be tough but for the time, we filled each others voids. She was single, focusing on her career and didn't want anyone else full time. We have been dating for 4 months and haven't had intercourse, but several oral (sex is sex, I get it). I always regretted not being able to give her what she needs (bf to bring to family functions, hang out at each others house, etc etc), but I did make her a priority when I could. I knew she loved me and I just recently admitted to myself I love her also. Sadly, I was just informed she met someone, yet she still wants nothing to change with us. I love her and so I'm trying not to be selfish as she deserves what I can't offer, but its tougher on me due to the fact to me, things were as close to perfect as they could be. It's interesting because I was always worried she would get hurt and yet not I'm dealing with the pain of a break up of a relationship at it's peak. Just thinking this way makes me wanna say "DUDE REALLY?!", but I truly love her. She doesn't want things to change but I can't keep going knowing she's beginning an upswing with someone else. I guess this is karma and maybe I deserve this.

I am having trouble understanding .. if your affair partner is up and dating again and was dating behind your back, can't you use that thought to think of to get over this. How can some people just date and get all these people to fall all over them ... leaving their wives and idolizing them like movie stars?? The bible talks about idolizing. My husband idolized his exgirlfriend. She used this and got back in touch when her husband quit working.She looked for pity and then made sure to get him where she wanted in case her husband left. HEr husband left, My husband found out about the other men she had lined up as well. He hasn't spoke to her. I don't feel pity for her because she had no respect for anyone else. She was a spoiled brat who only cared about herself. WIsh he could have seen this before he went and talked to her and pined for her for months. IT did a lot of damage to our marriage. I hope he can clearly see it now.

take your mistress. she loves you too. tell your wife the truth that you need to move on. be there for your kids, but be happy with your lover. why hurt both women? let your wife move on, give your true love attention she deserves.

you're straight up stupid. learn to respect your wife and love her correctly. make a choice. you are caught up in some sort of fantasy with your mistress, and it might seem like fun, but when it all comes down to it, you will be even more miserable with your mistress in the end. both of you cheated, so that means both will not trust one another, and look how she makes you feel already. don't be an idiot. even though in my eyes, you are and will continue to be. be open to your wife and give her a choice wether or not to stay knowing the full truth. she deserves that. you are torn between reality and a fantasy.

Thank you all for your experiences and advice. I feel for all of you. My mistress (for six months) broke up with me and I feel that if I let her go I will not feel what I am feeling for her ever again. I have not felt like this since my teenage years. I have been married for 19 years and have college age children. I was willing to let everything go but she says that I need to have a clean breakup for the right reasons and not because of the affair. She is not willing to go through the trauma of my breakup and prefers to try to resume our relationship with a clean slate after I go through the divorce. Breaking the relationship now is tearing me apart. I feel stupid, depress, and frustrated that I cannot be with her. I have not felt this low I think ever. I hope all of the ones that posted their stories and are going through similar situations get to the healthy side of this drama.

Maximus your post was awesome and gave me a perspective on the dynamic between the husband and his mistress (if she's single) that I hadn't considered. He has to 'toe the line' with her and can't be himself.

I feel for you buddy. As much as I shouldn't, with being a woman who has been cheated on by my sons father as well as experiencing the other side of the fence of being that other woman who missed my lover on weekends and resented it. It's never nice to miss someone so badly. But I will tell you what you need to understand. If you commit to moving on..it will happen much quicker than you think :) It will happen so quickly you won't even notice. But you must first of all commit to the fact it's over, and nothing that happens will change it..no phone call from her or text will change your mind. Here's what you need to do; delete all photos, messages, any sign or trace of her. Do not listen to soppy sad music, don't indulge in daydreams about what you shared..cut it out! Focus on anything that makes you happy, relaxed, and fulfilled that does not involve her. Get a massage, go out with friends, enjoy nice food and indulge yourself. If your mind wanders back to her..think of the shittiest thing she ever did..don't think of anything nice to do with her. Trust me..IT WORKS

wow- I'm sitting here heartbroken and on a whim decided to do a quick google search b/c I thought there had to be someone out there feeling what I've been feeling. It was strangely comforting to read all of your stories and to see that I'm not alone in what I thought to be feelings I shouldn't be having.



By all accounts, I should have known better. This is the 2nd time I've been through this, the 1st time was hard enough and here I went and did it again.



Long long story in a nutshell since so many details are the same. Married for 10 years, in my mid 30's, 2 kids, nice house, nice job, for the most part looking in people would say great life. But I'm never happy, suffered with depression forever and have sought happiness in places I shouldn't.



Just mutually ended (I hope) a 2 yr affair with my mistress. Because of the nature of my job I was able to spend pretty much every day with her for at least part of the day, for nearly a year and a half. I spent at least 1 if not 2 nights a week with her- completely financially supported her as well. It started out her being with me cheating on her then boyfriend who couldn't support her.



We fell hopelessly in love. She lives in drama, constant drama, due to some things there's no point going into here, but needless to say it's the polar opposite of my "stable" life.



Then the resentment started- missed holidays with her b/c I'm with my family etc... all the things people mentioned here. I ended up changing jobs and moving 400+ miles away, and initially she was going to come with me. Some things happened and she couldn't, which is probably for the best but hurt like hell.



I still made it back to see her a couple times a month, and we spoke on the phone daily, but it was harder and harder over the last 5 months. We broke up multiple times, but usually just in an argument and we were back together in 2 days.



she "cheated" on me 3 times that I know of in that time frame- reasons are irrelevant, but I only found out about the 3rd one today. I was actually contacted directly by the guy she has been living with, that I knew nothing about. Had a very honest conversation with him, and basically I walked away from the whole relationship after finding out the last 4 months were nothing but a lie that I convinced myself of.



This is a girl I thought about leaving my entire family, home, everything to be with. The chemistry is / was amazing, amazing sex, and I've never felt happy and alive like I did with her.



I realize that a big part of that happiness is the thrill of the taboo, and also the lack f real world problems and responsibilities when I'm with her. Also that she is / was dependant on me totally supported some of my personal self esteem and codependancy issues.



So now it's over for real- I think? I hope? I know it's best for me financially to be done, it's certainly best for my family to be done, it gives me more time and love to give to my kids....but all that being said I feel heartbroken at the thought that I will never feel happiness and excitement again, never feel as alive again as I did when I was with her.



I do know this is real heartache, I do know that she felt this heartache every night she went to sleep knowing I was home with my wife, and I do know that this heartache is nothing compared to what my wife and kids would go through if they found out or if I left my family.



It's amazing though that even knowing all those things- knowing the right thing to do- knowing that I was wrong and I brought this on myself...I still sit here heartbroken, wishing my phone would ring and it would be her telling me she wants to see me.



I'm sure I sound like an *** here, wanting my cake and eating it too, and committing so much time and money to an impossible relationship- but it doesn't make the pain any less real, perhaps it just makes me a worse person.

I am in a bad marriage for a few years now and have intended on ending despite having young children. I started to become friends with a man whom which I knew was married with two children. We became very close fast and had a strong physical connection. We both had developed feelings for each other and we both made justification for our affair, mine being that I was going to file for divorce from a emotionally abusive husband and his being that his wife had affairs early on in their marriage for which he never confronted her about. After a few months my husband had discovered our affair and told his wife. We briefly stopped talking and eventually ended up where we left off. Our affair continued and we discussed the possibility of making a life together a few times. Recently his wife discovered emails between us that she could easily determine that our affair was more than sexual. He has decided to try and work stuff out at home, he claims is for his children. I am continuing on with my plans to divorce. It is a very painful situation. I hope I am strong enough to move on if he should try to contact me again which I feel is inevitable. As for his wife, her past actions and lies may have caught up with her. She is lucky to be able to keep him, despite his betrayal with me, he is a wonderful man.

Thanks maximus...you said a mouthful and it truly helped me. I am hurting but Im hurting because Im selfish and ashamed. I think of how badly my wife would hurt if she knew the things I had done with this "soulmate." I got lucky, no one found out and my heart will mend.

Forget her and focus on your commitment to your wife and kids. Think of all the pain you caused your wife. You should be focusing your energy on making amends to your wife for that big hole you put in her heart. You took a lifetime vow when you married her for better or for worse. Your wife's disease is a poor excuse for cheating.



Should you leave your wife for this mistress? Are you kidding? She was only married for a year when she cheated on her spouse with you. Do you really want a woman like that? She has poor morals and is unwilling to commit to a relationship. She'll be cheating on you within a year.



If there's a problem with sex, you and your wife should seek counseling and find out what the problem is and look for ways to resolve it. It sounds like there's something going on other than grave's disease. I'd lost my sex drive for many years due to a hormone imbalance. When I got on bioidentical HRT, which included testosterone, the problem was resolved. Thankfully, my husband remained committed to our relationship and never cheated.

WOW, I read all the post, the last one by Maxamus really hit home. I'm not trying, I left my mistress and I accept the loss, the broken heart and the false hope of a perfect life. It really was the best choice.

I'm glad I read these posts. You know, it's all bullshit. If you are cheating on your spouse and really believe that you are having a relationship with your lover you are seriously deluded. I believed this for a while until I saw how completely insane it was. The hiding, the lies, the stories you concoct. You will never be on equal footing with your lover. You can never really say what you feel because this person always has the potential to betray you in a a fit of angry passion, so you spend a lot of time trying to make them happy. Don't think it's not a power trip either. And while you are trying to be good to everyone you are being mind-f***ed by him/her with guilt and manipulation. There are no innocent parties here except maybe the spouse that is being cheated on, and only because they being deceived. Doesn't matter how much of a ***** or bastard they are. Reading these posts is like glass of water in the face for me because I was in a similar situation and it cost me money, my health and my sanity in the end. You refuse to see the truth and you idealize this individual that you are engaged in a duplicitous charade with and you call it love. Wake the "F" up. If he/she will do it with you, they will probably do it to you. A guy that sleeps with another man's wife, with SO MANY single and willing women out there, will sleep with anyone's wife- remember that when your sister comes over after the divorce. A woman that will willingly begin a relationship with a man who is married with responsibilities and call it a relationship is pretty needy and tell me if that isn't a power trip. Curiously, my mistress was cheating on her boyfriend with me. What was I thinking?

So you have this so-called wonderful relationship with this other person while your wife/husband is doing what... having a relationship with who- a lie?

THINK OF WHAT YOU ARE REALLY DOING HERE PEOPLE! You are living in a fantasy, and it always ends badly. Fix your relationship, or leave it. But do something. YOU KNOW VERY WELL YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF LEAVING YOUR SPOUSE. People who cheat never do. You are just having your cake and eating it too, until it all falls apart. And then there are bodies everywhere, devastated spouses, broken children, angry and broken mistresses and lovers who had somehow deluded themselves into thinking you were going to leave. And honestly, at least the lover or mistress is somewhat more honest you than you. They don't really have to hide do they? Unless they are married, they can do whatever they want and can walk away intact, albeit with a broken heart perhaps but not a hell of a lot more. Married... you have everything to lose. Your family, your reputation, your self-respect.

Listen to me, please. Get out of this delusion you are in. And you know what, stop confessing, and whatever you do, let your secret die with you, for everyone's sake. That crap about a confession making a relationship stronger is just that CRAP. I've seen this a dozen times and it always ends the same way. Badly. Walk away from something but make a choice, dammit and live your life authentically. This culture and abominations like Ashley-Madison, because that is what it is, have only encouraged people who are miserable for any variety of reasons to really look for trouble. When they should really be looking at themselves. They should interview some of the casualties of Ashley-Madison. I'm one of them. And everyone I met there without exception had serious issues, myself included. People have been cheating since the beginning of time, so what? But here in America we've turned this into a national pastime, more stuff to fill our already stuffed lives.

Folks, don't beat yourselves up. We are only human, We do the best we can and sometimes we just F up. That's life. But if you posted here you know what you have to do. Walk away in either direction, but make a choice. My god, it is so hard, I think of it everyday, but that is why the right thing is always the hardest thing to do.

Good Luck, friends...

If you really love your mistress and not your wife, divorce the wife and be with your mistress. Your wife and kids deserve someone who is there 100%. You should do what's right for you. I am. My mistress told me I need to be divorced before she can see me again. I have been mentally divorced for years, but never made the move. There's only one life to live. I will divorce my wife because I'm not happy, but not for another woman. Only for me.

If you really love your mistress and not your wife, divorce the wife and be with your mistress. Your wife and kids deserve someone who is there 100%. You should do what's right for you. I am. My mistress told me I need to be divorced before she can see me again. I have been mentally divorced for years, but never made the move. There's only one life to live. I will divorce my wife because I'm not happy, but not for another woman. Only for me.

Wow and here it is, I thought my situation was unique but I am reading my story here over and over again. I hate use the word 'mistress' but I guess that's the correct term. For about 3 years I watched her from afar. Always wondering what her name was. She worked behind at my local coffee shop. Actually, it became 'my coffee shop' because I would find a reason to go there just about every day just for a chance to see her and maybe hear her voice if she was taking orders that day. Over the course of those 3 years we made small talk here and there. She had a baby and I just kept her in my mind as a fantasy assuming she had a boyfriend, fiance or something being she had a baby now. A few months went by and I hadn't seen her until one day I walked into another coffee shop closer to home and there she was. Then that same week I see her pulling up at the same day care that I took y daughter to. Small talk became more frequent and I began asking her how the baby was and so on. She would always answer but I noticed she would never mention 'dad' or his father or boyfriend or anything to suggest a man in her life and she wore no ring. I was curious but never asked as I was married and really wasn't interested in having an affair and betraying my wife. I just thought of it as my secret crush. Mother's day came around and I thought it would be nice to give her a car and a candle or something. She loved it and small talk became conversations. Turns out we were both really big movie buffs and one evening she invited me over to watch a movie. I thought it was innocent and neither of us honestly had any intentions. But one thing led to another and we kissed and fooled around a bit but never slept together. Months later after our conversations turned to several texts a day and phone calls, we grew closer and our feelings grew. For months she expressed an interest in getting intimate and I kept refusing. I didn't want to betray my marriage. But one day it happened. And then again and again. It was amazing. She was amazing. Not just sexually but as a person. Our feelings grew and we fell in love. 2 years passed and she grew tired of spending holidays and nights alone while I was spending nights and holidays at home with my wife and kids. The burden became too much for both of us and we have broken up at least 5 or 6 times now. Each time more heart wrenching than the last. I am really happy when I am with her and my wife although she says she loves me very much, she really doesn't make me feel that way. She can actually be quite cold and mean much like her mother. It seems no matter what she goes through in life, if it's a tough time, she takes it out on me. The things she says sometimes I cannot even repeat as they are so hurtful and not the types of things you say to someone you love. I feel beat up and emotionally bruised. I lay at night staring at the ceiling wondering what my mistress is doing even though we've broken up again. She even got a hold of a pair of my sweat pants and started sleeping in them. She said they made her feel like I was with her at night. This last break up, she gave them back to me and I've actually tied them up in plastic because they smell like her and I want it to last as long as possible. When no one is around I sit and breathe in her scent and think about her. I would like to feel this way for my wife but she makes it impossible because of the type of person she is. I want to do the right thing and stick with my family. We have 3 children and I don't want to hurt them or my wife but I am not happy. I don't now what to do.

Things finally just ended with my mistress of nearly 18 months...forever. It is one of the hardest things for me to cope with right now because I thought I was truly in love with her. I was on the brink of leaving my family and putting my kids through what would have been the worst possible thing in their childhood. All to be with her. All based on false emotions. I suppose it is for the best that that didn't happen. That my eyes were finally opened to the truth.



So many lies and half truths were revealed to me in the last week. That there have been other men in her life the entire time we were together. That she was already with someone new the last time I saw her and is still with him. I don't know what hurts worse...losing her, or the feeling that none of this was real. That I had been a complete fool. That she could be with other people behind my back and continue to tell me that we would be together once I got divorced. I had put my heart and soul into her. She was my closest friend and confidant. But if she was never honest with me to begin with then where does that leave me?



There is a saying that a man may cheat on his wife, but not his mistress. I guess the reverse is not true. No honor among thieves.



Right now I am in a very bad mental and emotional state. I have a wife and kids that deserve better. I almost lost them to be with someone that I was so convinced I would spend the rest of my life with, only to discover that it was just all in my head.



It is humiliating as well, because my friends and even my mother knew about the situation and knew how I felt. How do I move on from this? How do I heal my family...and my broken heart. How do I put my life back together?

I have read all the posts and have seen similarities to my story. I have been married for 24 years and have been in an affair for 2 ½ years. I meet my mistress and had an instant connection. It started as flirting then meeting secretly for coffee then early morning walks. I would start kissing her then feeling guilty but I had a strong attraction to go further. We became friends for 4 months before we finally had sex. After that is was all we did. We have broken up 4 times only to just receive a sms or a call and then we are back in a full relationship. Every time we broke up, I felt wow I got away with the affair. 3 months ago she phoned me to tell me she wanted to start seeing other men. That sent me in a spin. I wanted her all to myself and not share her with anyone, but I was not willing to leave my wife. My wife is a beautiful loving person who loves me unconditionally and I feel guilty for what I have done to her behind her back. I stop seeing my girlfriend for about a month, but all it took was a phone call from her telling me she misses me to return back in her arms. We have since started our sexual relationship again. We know this can’t keep on going on for much longer. We have decided to stop having sex until I am available. We have decided to stay friends while I sort myself out. I know this won’t work how you can fix your marriage while you are still seeing your girlfriend even just has friends. I just don’t have the will power to go cold turkey and I really love her, but I still love my wife who has been with me through the tough times. I am going through the pain all you guys have been through.

I kno I'm late but I really understands where he is coming from. It's easy to fall in love wit somebody else when u married. Reason being once u married after so many years things get old I Mean Old. New ppl come around new conversation new life style & we find all da right reasons to cheat bt really it's wrong & we're hurting our spouses I say out bcuz imma women & I did it & da out come wasn't pretty.. It's been months & I can gladly say I'm done fully over him & I'll never ever hurt my hubby again

I kno I'm late but I really understands where he is coming from. It's easy to fall in love wit somebody else when u married. Reason being once u married after so many years things get old I Mean Old. New ppl come around new conversation new life style & we find all da right reasons to cheat bt really it's wrong & we're hurting our spouses I say out bcuz imma women & I did it & da out come wasn't pretty.. It's been months & I can gladly say I'm done fully over him & I'll never ever hurt my hubby again

i had a mistress for 5 months till yesterday. My work made me stay in another country. My mistress has two kids from her old marraiage i met her divorced and she needed help and i needed comfort

we have broken up 5 times 4 times by her because and i went to beg her to take me back all the time

Last week she told me she was pregnant and i painfully paid part of the abortion bills, but i left her cos she always ask for money and i suspect she might have someone else in her life whom she is hiding from me

i stopped taking her calls and going to see her and i know her pride will never allow her to call me but i miss her. I asloknow i must stop seeing her or else i will dig a big hole in my pocket all she cares for is money all the time

I don't know if this form Is still open. My wife and I have been together for 13 years. My

Mistress was my best friend for 10 years ( we were not together, just friends). My wife and I slowly drifted apart. I was depressed and recovering from back surgery when my friend and I got together. It was late and we were relaxing watching a movie ( weekly event for years). We started to kid around and one thing led to another. Two weeks later we decided this needs to stop, the problem was we loved eachother. My wife's great but we were missing something.



My wife has come to realize that she does love me after 9 months of not bring sure ( she told me she was not sure if she loved me). I'm with here out of guilt. We have a son, business and house together. I earn most of the income. I offered my wife everthing and told her I'd pay the mortgage, car, bills and she can look for someone that woukd make her happy. She said she wanted me.



My friend/mistress decided she should step aside so u can make a clear decision. I'm confussed. I love both. I don't know what too do. My ideal situation woukd be to live in my home with my friend but that would be selfish.



I have looked at apartments my heart feels like it's being ripped out thinking of leaving my home. But the thought of holding my friend everyday and listening to her draughts bring a smile to my face.



My wife is very dependent on me And I worry so

much for her well being. I know she wouldn't do it but she threatened to kill herself.



I know any partner woukd take that comment as true love and run with it. I feel so guilty inside for not believing her. When I had back surgery I was home for 4 months. My wife didn't help with the business, calling my sons school if he was sick, or even sit with me when I was down or in pain. My friend did do all of this for me. We became involve shortly after my surgery.



I fear I will stay with my wife and loose my friend and soulmate. I love my mistress so much, but I feel so responsible for my family. The pains killing me.



If anyone has lived this or any advice.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough.

Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough.

Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough.

Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough.

Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough.

Good luck to all.

Hey Entrep,



How are things now? I have a similar story, which is not really worth mentioning how it happened since the reasons are varied and inherently never one sided. I moved out of my house and am quasi separated from my wife. I have not spoken to or seen my mistress in 8 weeks. I am technically living away from wife and family as a way to end my affair without resentment. My wife is aware of the deep connection I had with my mistress. My wife and I both have acknowledged our contributions to our troubled marriage, and are really working to reconnect. We have 4 children and they are aware that Daddy is not living at home while he and Mommy try to figure out adult problems. I am guessing my mistress is now trying to date and move on. My wife entertained that idea right away, and is very attractive. She met a dozen men and exchanged information in just a month and I can't say I was crazy about even though it was not unexpected.



Now we both decided to not see anyone while I stay away from Mistress, so we can see if we can try to keep our marriage and family together. There is progress, but I am not sure if I will ever get over the connection I had with this other women, and if it was real, imagined, or worth breaking up my family.



My wife and I are very compatible and when we are communicating we have a very good relationship, but what I had with my mistress was a chemical attraction. It is why I am literally trying to detox/rehab my addiction to my mistress while I am living away from home in my apartment. I am curious now that is has been 8 months (according to the time you posted your message) if you still feel the same way about your mistress, or if time is starting to heal your heartache, and am curious if you are still living with your wife. I tried at first to end the affair while living at home with my wife and found it impossible. Living away temporarily has helped the heartache of not seeing my mistress, but I still feel depressed daily and miss my mistress, but not as intensely.