I Can't Get Over My Mistress And It Hurts.When I met my mistress we were both married. She for 1 year and me for 11. (I am 14 years older).
She had a troubled marriage and left him 6 months after we started.I have 2 children and she has none.
For 3 years we have been together and she has waited. I almost left. I signed a lease, told my wife I was leaving and chickened out when I had to talk to my children.
My wife and I basically have a sexless marriage. She was diagnosed with Graves disease 2 years after we wed and the medication she was on severely effected her sex drive. I knew it was for better or worse and stayed faithful. After 9 years of having sex less than 10 times a year, I met my mistress at work. We talked and we clicked. As in all the stories, one thing led to another and we became sexual. Then we fell in love. I wish I didn't. Love really sucks sometimes. I realize I am all over the place but please bear with me. I have never talked about this and I feel relief as the words come out.
Presently......She waited and waited. All through the missed holidays, the short nights when I couldn't stay, the limited contact on weekends until she couldn't wait anymore.
We broke up twice in our 3 year relationship. Once for a month and once for 2 months.
I fear today is the 3rd and final time.
Today was different because it was me that ended it.
We got together again a month ago when she called me for my birthday. We met for lunch, I drove her home and we ended up in bed.
For a week I was happy as I have been for a while, then things changed.
She stopped texting me, she never initiated contact and only responded with short answers when I reached out to her.
I used to talk to her everyday and now days would go by without hearing from her.
When I asked her about it she said that she could no longer give me 100% because I cannot give her what she needs.
She said she is holding back because if she gives her heart again and gets hurt we can no longer try again.
I understand this. I also understand that she is doing this to get over me with me as a comfort zone. I no longer know what she is doing. She says she is with friends, but I believe she is dating and trying to find someone.
I wrote her a note today and told her I can no longer stay around and watch her get over me.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed and my pride won't allow it.
I also realize that I am being selfish and need to let her go.
I have a wonderful wife who has never cheated on me, tells me she loves me everyday and I don't know why I can't simply stop this and be with her as she deserves.
My wife is a nurse on overnights and I spend half the week alone at night.
How do I get over this? How do I stay strong and not call?
Should I leave and try to start a life with my mistress?
Even now, I hope she calls. I pray I receive a text from her. And then again......I wish she wouldn't.
Has anybody gone through this?