I Can't Get Over My Mistress And It Hurts.

When I met my mistress we were both married. She for 1 year and me for 11. (I am 14 years older).
She had a troubled marriage and left him 6 months after we started.I have 2 children and she has none.
For 3 years we have been together and she has waited. I almost left. I signed a lease, told my wife I was leaving and chickened out when I had to talk to my children.
My wife and I basically have a sexless marriage. She was diagnosed with Graves disease 2 years after we wed and the medication she was on severely effected her sex drive. I knew it was for better or worse and stayed faithful. After 9 years of having sex less than 10 times a year, I met my mistress at work. We talked and we clicked. As in all the stories, one thing led to another and we became sexual. Then we fell in love. I wish I didn't. Love really sucks sometimes. I realize I am all over the place but please bear with me. I have never talked about this and I feel relief as the words come out.
Presently......She waited and waited. All through the missed holidays, the short nights when I couldn't stay, the limited contact on weekends until she couldn't wait anymore.
We broke up twice in our 3 year relationship. Once for a month and once for 2 months.
I fear today is the 3rd and final time.
Today was different because it was me that ended it.
We got together again a month ago when she called me for my birthday. We met for lunch, I drove her home and we ended up in bed.
For a week I was happy as I have been for a while, then things changed.
She stopped texting me, she never initiated contact and only responded with short answers when I reached out to her.
I used to talk to her everyday and now days would go by without hearing from her.
When I asked her about it she said that she could no longer give me 100% because I cannot give her what she needs.
She said she is holding back because if she gives her heart again and gets hurt we can no longer try again.
I understand this. I also understand that she is doing this to get over me with me as a comfort zone. I no longer know what she is doing. She says she is with friends, but I believe she is dating and trying to find someone.
I wrote her a note today and told her I can no longer stay around and watch her get over me.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed and my pride won't allow it.
I also realize that I am being selfish and need to let her go.
I have a wonderful wife who has never cheated on me, tells me she loves me everyday and I don't know why I can't simply stop this and be with her as she deserves.
My wife is a nurse on overnights and I spend half the week alone at night.
How do I get over this? How do I stay strong and not call?
Should I leave and try to start a life with my mistress?
Even now, I hope she calls. I pray I receive a text from her. And then again......I wish she wouldn't.
Has anybody gone through this?
Please help.
loveitsimple loveitsimple
62 Responses Aug 1, 2010

How about any of you stop getting hooked on lust and fantasy, realise your partners true worth, be faithful and respectful. Take your wife or husband out, get a break from the children. Try to understand that having kids does take a toll on a person and a relationship. It is the hardest thing to do raise kids. Appreciate that. Build them back up. Make them feel loved, valued, validated, supported. COMMIT. Lift them up to shine and appreciate their light. Love unconditionally. That is the promise of marriage. Be more compassionate and actually DO something about it. Or leave her because you don't deserve her and she deserves better. The lust and desire will fade if you cut ties. You must. Desire is powerful instinct and nature wants to make us procreate, and to snare affection and attention from others. But the bond of a true husband and wife is sacred. You can fix your marriages. Be honest, get counselling. Be a real family. Be a good person. If you can. Then your marriage can be better than ever. Your affair is a sign your marriage needs work, that you need to love, respect and understand eachother better again. Get quality time. Make the effort. If you do all you can and its not enough then you both know you tried it all. Then you can find another. But please don't do this to your wife or husband. The pain is worse than anything. ANYTHING. Do right by them. Give both of you the chance to change and learn. But don't break them with lies. Stop decieving them and yourselves. You are infatuated, in lust, entrapped. You let that happen. Realise it's power, take responsibility and wean off that drug. That painkiller. If you're nothing but a love cheat get serious targeted help now, stop or leave. Or all three. Or you could destroy your partners lives and confidence. Which is always totally unacceptable.

That was a long time ago but if you are still struggling my advice as a overnight nurse myself is to let your wife know you will help her step up her game. Tell her what you want her to wearto bed you don't always have intercourse. Play play sex games get reconnected.

If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you would trully love the first one, you wouldnt have fallen for the second one.

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well I can safely say this goes on more than you think.
I have been married 9 years. Had ups and downs in my marriage I have 3 kids, but met someone after being married 6 years .. My wife and I are like friends sharing an apartment or like brother and sister , we love each other but it's not in a romantic way, my other half , or the "others woman " who is actually my significant other in my eyes and hers, did not know my complete situation till recently basically 3years later. I am madly in love with her, but she did not know I had three young kids. She thought maybe 1 adolescent child , thought she cud deal. But when she heard the truth , and only reason I say truth , I never lied, she never asked .. At this point we are technically not together .. We live in separate states .. Don't see each other much.. But we use to speak everyday for many hours a day.. "Addicted " to each other .. Madly In love , but she cannot do it.. She would not even be with me if I left my wife.. So she says.. I am at a loss we know that we are meant to be together but the situation is complicated .. I get it.. A lot of baggage .. It just sucks.. And hurts everyday .. I can't see myself with anyone else but her and she says the same.. She is good person does not want me to abandon my kids .. My heart is empty and something is missing in my life, which is her.. Presently I barely speak to my wife and my true soulmate because she cannot take this situation , being in love with someone you can't have.. At least in her mind.. She feels like waiting till kids are away in college will be the right time for us.. No drama at that point.. But I don't want to wait that long.. I try to live day to day who knows when our last day is.. But right now I have no choice but pray.. I can't nor do I want to live without her..maybe sometimes you need to let things go and they will come back even though that has happened twice already with us..I lost for 8-10 months twice over past 3 years and here we are closer than ever. What do we do. So in response .. It sucks brother if she is the one and you can't live with out her, and you know in your heart that she will make you happy the rest of your life I would go for it.. I wish she gave me that opportunity but she prefers to wait ..maybe she will realize she can't live without me too.. I think she knows that answer and is just angry that it's the truth.. And her head keeps saying it's wrong to be with me right now.. Maybe she is right and I should focus on kids and me unhappy in a loveless marriage that is what I am debating.. Thanks for listening everyone

I am in the EXACT same situation. I love my wife and children, but in love with my girlfriend. I want us to be together so badly, but we don't leave our spouses to spare our children from the pain. Hoping once they're college age we can both divorce to be with each other. It has been 8 years waiting for each other. Just know you are not alone. I am in the exact same position.

yes I have. You need to completely know who you want. true love gives meaning to life. only u can make the decision. A leap of faith is required. you already know who you want? Its action time. Good luck.

this is hot

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1 More Response

If you truly love the mistress you need to go to her because love is what gives meaning to life. You just need to get some balls. Go into your heart and truly feel from there who you need to be with. My thoughts are with you at this hard time. Do the right thing for you xx

I feel you same situation, but my mistress got distant when my wife found out about us, I love my wife too but the sexual attraction is gone, she brings up what I did and tries to say I did more for my mistress than I did her, which wasn't true. My mistress is giving up on me for the same reasone, it's selfish on our part as well. Only difference is my mistress can almost be my daughter, but in all honesty I haven't been that happy with another woman in my life, I felt free and not having to be someone else or be ritualized. It's quite a pickle. Good luck.



I read this with a lump in my throat, such is the bittersweetness of falling in love.
A love story to the end, as I hope you come to the conclusion your mistress was right.
I wonder after so many years as this was in 2010, what has happened since. Im sure others have too and hope you have found your happy place.

What is it you expected her to do? Wait another 3 years? She deserves to have a real relationship, not this charade you are putting her though, making her wait. I had to go through this, as well, with my husband, about 12 years ago when we first were in a relationship (or affair), but he did divorce his ex wife. I don't understand why so many married men, like yourself, end up waffling back and forth, too coward to figure it out so they just make the poor woman wait around when they know damn well they'll probably never leave!
If you wanted your mistress, should have left, bottom line. It isn't fair to stay with your wife and live a lie. Your wife deserves someone who can give her 100% too.

I'm in a similar situation but not exact. My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We split up for one year two years ago and then reconciled. She cheated on me just before our separation and in fact wanted a divorce. During our separation I began to date. I dated multiple women at once, my way of trying to get over my wife. It's funny that once I got my confidence back and began to date my wife decided she wanted me back. At that that moment I was enjoying myself and wasn't sure I wanted her back. Eventually I decided to try and work things out. I tell myself it was for the kids, but I still loved her. I broke off the relationships with the women I was dating.
However, one of the women stuck around. She would text me while at work and convinced me to meet up. She's incredibly sexy and 15 years younger. We've been seeing each other now over the last 2 1/2 years. It started off slow we'd see each other once every 2 months with her texting me while I worked to set up meetings. She's in her 30's and single just getting out of a long marriage. She's in party mode and goes out 3-4/week, Vegas, Hollywood etc. She incredibly sexy and a social media nut. She constantly post pictures of herself and friends in bikinis, night club outfits etc. At first I didn't care, I wasn't taking it serious. i thought she was seeing other guys, and could care less I was married. She later let me know she'd only been with 3 guys, her ex, some guy she dated for a year and me. She has never asked me to leave my wife. Over the past 6 months it's gone to seeing each other once a week. We've taken trips together during my business meetings, SF, Vegas, Hollywood. I knew she was into me more than I was into her. Over past 2 months things have changed. I've found myself trying to see her more and her making excuses as to why she can't meet. She seems to be ok meeting for our occasional short trip somewhere but no longer seems to want meet for our daytime encounters. It's been a month since I've seen her, we're supposed to meet in 3 weeks for an overnight date, room is booked, reservations made. I know in my mind I should make it our last get together. She's probably met someone and deserves the chance to settle down again. Not to mention I should try to refocus on my own marriage and family. I'm conflicted I love her passion and the sex is incredible. There's a part of me that wants to let her go while her interest in me is at a low. This would make it easier for her, though harder for me. There's also a part of me that wants her back to how it was before, with her chasing me. To make things worse we work together, though thankfully not every day, usually about once a week. It's going to be rough when we do work together. She draws attention from almost every guys that enters the work place. We'll see how things go. I came across this sit and needed to vent. Thanks


I know your situation because it's exactly that which I am experiencing now. I'd been married for nearly twenty years when I met my mistress eighteen months ago. We met on a dating site, got chatting and then met for coffee one lunchtime in January 2013. Sparks flew from the start and we were all over each other within thirty seconds of meeting!

Five months after meeting I knew I was falling for her and told her. She told me she loved me and I was really happy. Time went on and we went out on dates, spent time together and had the most amazing sex. I knew I was nuts about her and hated not being with her. As she had a very high libido, we joined a swinging website and she started having men (and women) round for sex. I was fine with this and we often had group sex with other couples.

Everything was going fine and we talked about the future. I knew I still loved my wife and didn't know whether to leave her to be with my mistress or stay with my wife. Little did I know by the time Valentine's Day came around that the tide was turning...

I made sure I took her a Valentine's card plus chocolates and flowers and thought it a bit odd that I didn't get a card from her. We'd become accustomed to texting quite a bit every day and we'd try and speak on the phone most days too so I was a bit concerned when she didn't always text me back. I noticed too that, when I texted to say how conflicted I was about it all and how much I loved her, she'd not always respond.

I used to go round and see her at her place twice a week and she told me that one of the guys that had been around to have sex with her was keen to take her out on a date. I was fine with this as she's a single woman although I did ask her not to fall for him. She said she wasn't and it was all good. This situation went on for a couple of months: he'd stay overnight or sometimes for the weekend, they'd go out on dates and he told her he loved her. She assured me she didn't love him until three weeks ago...

I was due to meet her from work and go for lunch one day and she texted me to say not to come; that she wasn't going to work as she had a few things to do. I replied to say that was fine and that I'd see her later in the week. She then replied to say that she had seen Rob over the weekend and that she had feelings for him. "Sorry if this upsets you" she wrote in a text, knowing full well that it would upset me.

It's nearly three weeks since she told me that she wanted a proper relationship and that Rob was a single man who loved her. I called her and told her I loved her very much and she said she knew I did. She said she'd like to remain friends and to see me one day. I left it for ten days and then texted her: no reply.

I've never felt so strongly about anyone ever, not even my wife. I love her so much and it's breaking my heart. I will contact her in two weeks' time in the hope that we can meet up as friends. I know I will get through this in time but right now it's really hard.

HAHAHA... sorry, but it's too funny. Thanks for the laugh, it was great!

What's funny?

Lol I dont think that was the nicest reply


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Hi all, having searched the internet for help on how to deal with a mistress breaking up with me, reading through this page has helped me, and made me realise that its not only me who has found myself in an emotional messed up scenario. So a little about my situation; I have been with my childhood sweetheart since we were both 15. Everything was great when we were younger. We had lots of laughs, we both lost our virginity to each other etc. So everything was great until I got to 21 years old. We moved out, new house, great. Then it hit me, and I found myself thinking is this what I really want? I joined 'dating' websites just to see if there was any interest in me. There was. I met a girl who lived an hour away who was on the website for sex only. I went to her house and for the first time in my life I cheated. This continued for about a year. We'd txt, email and chat everyday. At this point my wife was planning our wedding! About a month before the wedding the mistress asked me not to go ahead with the wedding and leave my wife for her. At this point she confessed that she loved me and although I didn't say it I had fallen for her. After arguing about why I was going through with the wedding, she threatened to tell my fiancee. I called her bluff and went ahead with the wedding. The mistress sent me an email while I was on my honeymoon saying she could no longer stick around and explained how it wasn't fair for her to sit back and play second fiddle. So, we ended it. Two years pass, I'm still on the dating website and I've met 5 other women purely for sex. But nothing compares to the mistress. we've sent the odd email for Christmas, birthdays etc but nothing much. Then two months ago she emails saying she's unhappy and wants to meet up. I agree to and the spark between us was instantly present again. At this point I've gotten on with my life and my wife is pregnant with our first child. The mistress and I are not messaging like we used to, literally everyday. We have met for sex a few times and again she's declared her love for me. She has a boyfriend who is ready to propose to her but doesn't know what to do. Again, I've said that I cannot leave my wife, especially now! We've come to the point where we've agreed to not see or have any contact. We're meeting tomorrow, we have a hotel room booked for 'one last goodbye'. However, we're both finding it really hard to let go of each other. We know its the right thing to do but I wish I'd have left my wife before the wedding and chose the path my heart was leading me to. Has anybody been in the same situation? I literally feel heartbroken. I'm so lucky to have two amazing women love me but I can only choose one. We know we're doing the right thing but that still doesn't make it any easier.

way too funny.

I am a mistress. I have never done this before. This man and I were good friends for 3 years. He has been married about 10 years and I was with a serious boyfriend for about 10 years. My boyfriend developed a serious drinking problem and I broke up with him. About 2 months later, my married man and I started discussing sex, relationships and flat out dirty things over the phone and by text. A few months later, we finally lived out the fantasy and slept together. Multiple times in one afternoon. It was amazing. He then went home to his wife and kids. Things fizzled out a bit for a while, but they have fired back up lately. The whole time we have known each other, even the years prior to me breaking up with my ex, he constantly complains about his home life. He claims he wants leave his wife, but hasn't. He now tells me he loves me and I do love him, but I dont want to be a mistress. I want to be full time with him and his son. I basically told him tonight that I'm not competing with his family any longer. Either he leaves his wife, or we just end it. I'm not going to be in limbo any longer and I'm prepared for the answer I dont want to hear. I deserve better.

You know what's funny about the whole thing is that you're only good enough for sex, but you're just NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be a wife. Have you thought of that?! If he doesn't think you're good enough to be his wife, what in the world would make you think that he'll ever "marry you" even after he leaves his wife?

Think about it... once he leaves the wife, he has a million other options (ahem! Let's do the math, more like over 3.5 BILLION women in the world). YOU, the mistress, on the other hand, are one in 3.5 BILLION women who would sleep with him despite his "married" status. Hence, the importance of YOU as the mistress. However, once he divorces the wife, a WHOLE NEW SET of eligible women will be available for him since the vast majority of women who refuse to date or sleep with married men, will be available.

I mean, seriously?!? How freaking idiotic does one have to be NOT to see through this scam? Why do you think there's a general rule about "easy" women? They're for discarding!!

Yes, same here I know the feeling. I had to end it, because you get tired of waiting and nothing changes. Deep down inside I knew nothing good would come out of it, so the opportunity presented itself and I had to let him know I couldn't do this anymore.

Day 1 for me: About to leave my family for the love of my life until I found out she has been with 3 other guys over the last 6 months alone!! The pain is like a knife to the heart. I became a liar and cheat, I am far worse off emotionally for having known her. I am searching for the strength not to rush back and forgive her. After all of this I still want to believe what we had was special and I am the one.
My wife is an amazing woman and mother to our one child, but we rarely have sex, maybe twice a year for the last 8 years. She deserves better than me.
After reading the thread I deleted all of her contact info, emails, texts, everything.
I have not talked to anyone about the affair, no family or friends know of it or what I was going to do for this woman. I feel like I am going to explode inside.
What else can I do? I don’t deserve help but would really appreciate any advice.

What does 'round, comes 'round. How can you judge? Didn't you do the same? What makes you so special?

Alright, Judy: What's the name of the guy that screwed you over. Clearly you have issues forgiving and forgetting before giving any rational or kind advice.

It's, to put it in the words of a rather scorned individual: "way too funny."
BUT: "Thanks for the laugh, it was great!"

I suppose I could understand that it would be hard for you to imagine people have morals, and hence, in YOUR standards, I "must" have been screwed over in order to find you funny.

... maybe I have morals... and integrity... and dignity... self-esteem... and a whole lot of HONESTY you don't seem to have. I'll have you know, robbing is no different. It wasn't long ago that "cheating" was considered a criminal offense, not just a civil one. In fact, in some countries, infidelity is still a crime and punishable by death.

... ever been to India?

So, it's morally acceptable to condemn others based on your own moral absolutism?

That's an interesting take on your "advice," or, more like, condemnation of others. Again, most likely based on your own past experiences...Moral absolutism is often rooted in such things as experience and/or religious creeds.

Also, comparing the United States to India? A 2nd world country that permits rape to run rampant, among other things? Can you say apples and oranges...

Ironically, I doubt you'd adopt some of the other moral positions of those in India, but I don't need to add cherry-picking to the list of logical fallacies you've employed to show that your positions are faulty. The list, at present, does well enough alone.

And, yes, breaking into someone's home to steal their belongings is much different than cheating on someone in a personal relationship. Again, apples and oranges. Your moral absolutism clearly has no place for logic and common sense...

So, tell me: What honesty do I lack in calling out your positions for their lack of empathy, logic, and reasoning?

Either way, I'm not going to argue with your type, nor suffer your moral absolutist positions--they're devoid of honesty, with yourself and to others. The world isn't black and white, despite you painting a false reality telling yourself otherwise.

Welcome yourself to the last word, and have a great day :)

I find your response even more hilarious. You want empathy after you have damaged your own family and the people you purportedly "love" and care for? It's disgustingly hypocritical, don't you think? are you joking?!? I have empathy for the people you have damaged, not you. I think you deserved plenty what you got and more, if more is coming. You only see what benefits you (selective seeing, hearing and READING), but don't find the consequences of your own actions fair - as if you were some 3 year old child throwing a tantrum. You've got to be kidding.

Why is it so hard to imagine people have morals and instead, you must accuse them of some type of extremism. Who's really the one with the faulty reasoning?

Also, it might be illogical to you that robbery and infidelity was at a point in time, categorically illegal. Your own country's legislation made that decision, not me. Nevertheless, how is that not a legitimate comparison? You have to lie, cheat and betray your fellow human to do either and both, steal and cheat. When you rob, you take something valuable from someone else. When you cheat, you take something valuable from someone you pretended to love and care about. In fact, you have betrayed moral and social norms, courtesy and human decency to do either and/or both. Do you believe that it was decent, and "alright" to betray, lie and cheat to your family and loved ones? Maybe you're right, maybe they aren't comparable. You have to lie to your family's face, betray their trust, and not give a **** about them in order to cheat. On the other hand, to rob, you don't necessarily have to lie and betray your family and destroy the lives of your own children... okay, I'll agree they aren't comparable.

I used "India" as an example of a country where, in other parts of the world, infidelity is still considered illegal. I wrote it, but I completely missed the whole "comparison" part that you mention having "read" in my response. I understand reading is not everyone's forte.

Nevertheless, let's address this issue of crimes that occur in India don't happen here in the United States... that is what you were pointing to, correct? I understand not everyone is privy to factual information and current events and therefore you must imagine that we don't have similar problems here in the United States. I'll have you know, I have worked on numerous cases rescuing victims of sexual trafficking here in the United States of America - yes, sexual slaves forced into prostitution (many of them children) is pretty rampant here in the United State of America. So go ahead, ask me again why your whining and crying like a child about your sorry life isn't buying you any empathy from me... there are real problems in this world. We have real problems in the United States, and your sense of "entitlement" to your moral transgressions, to hurt, betray and cheat on someone you have made a lifetime promise to, are hilarious to me (wait, let me roll my eyes again).

You really think we don't have those problems, and then use it as a basis for a terrible argument to justify your lack of morals and human decency? Here's a factoid for you: you are wrong. Rape, murder, and slavery does happen here too even in a nice town like NEWPORT BEACH, CALIFORNIA.

If any of the above isn't clear, or you are still confused... I suppose then it will explain the WHOLE entire reason why you believe that you are entitled to BETRAY, CHEAT, LIE, and HURT your own family. You don't think that's wrong?!? So here's to sum it up for me:

Wow... seriously, wow... then again, I want to thank you because your responses helped me feel even better, and there's definitely some satisfaction that you got what you deserved. You so deserved it, I think I'm going to go have a drink to you when I go out tonight. I would have felt bad if you had been a nice guy, but since you're an *******, I'm going to go read the post to my friends and laugh.

2 More Responses

Ah, saw your 'update'. Good for you. Sometimes we underestimate the power of our emotions. You both were in the 'in love' stage, I am glad you got it all sorted out. Good luck with your marriage, there might be something your wife can do to satisfy your physical and emotional needs, at the same time you deserve to be happy too and it take both to do that. There is a book called the 5 love languages and it is helping more than the counseling sessions, I am working things out with my husband now.

I am here because well... you guess it I am in the same boat you were in. I am his OW, he is my OM. Feelings do suck sometimes. Knowing how you feel is good, once again putting things in perspective. Thank you.

Its been a few years back when you posted this, I wonder how you are doing now with the Other Woman? Are you getting better, still ebb and flow with her?

Hi there.
I was reading your response to someone about their affair and your response really touched me.
I am going through a very similar thing in my life now and I am broken hearted even 5 month after the affair ended.
I am 42, started an affair with a man who is married and I knew that from the beginning.
He spoke about leaving often, he has 2 kids and always made them the excuse not to leave.
Although I always had my doubts as ti whether he would actually leave, I really wanted to believe him as I loved him so very much.
The affair eventually came out in the open, causing a lot of devastation and heartache for everyone involved.
He has moved out of the marital home but is still in contact with his wife and kids as he visits them everyday.
He is currently staying at his mothers and I don't know for sure if he and his wife are only doing a trial separation thing.
We still seen each other at the beginning although it was very strained. One day he told me he wanted me but he would then tell his wife he wanted her and that happened 3 times with me still taking him back.
We had a row about 3 month ago and we haven't spoken since.
I have mailed him and txt him but he doesn't reply. I know he is on holiday himself at the moment t to what I can only gather is to clear his own head. I have decided to never contact him again as its only causing me more pain.
I am being treated for severe depression and on medication and off my work with it.
I love this man with all my heart and miss him dearly.
I do believe he loved me but after reading a lot about affairs in these forums, I now believe he was using me.
I think the biggest hurt of all is the lies he told me (I think they were lies), the devastation I caused his wife and kids and the fact he can just totally ignore me. I am so angry with myself for allowing this to happen and to fall into the trap of a love affair. I know I am not blameless and I will never think that, I will have to live with what I done to other human beings for the rest of my life and I deserve that.
I hope you are now doing ok and have found peace and happiness in whatever you have chose to do. I hope and pray that everyday I wake up I will feel a bit better and hurt a little less.
This is undoubtedly the worst thing I have ever gone through.
I wish you well.
Nel42. :)

I have lived a very similar situation, except my mistress was 32 at the time and she was married for 10 yrs. I am the married man with 2 small kids. I also had an affair which was discovered by my wife in july of last year. I am not going to talk about me and the horrible person I am for having done this to my family (because I can go on forever on me). But I will talk about my mistress and my thoughts on her after I ended the affair (FOREVER). She too like you knew I was married with kids and that I was not interested, but for whatever reasons she still pursued me, the worst mistake of my life was accepting her facebook message because she wanted to be friends (yeah right). Those poor men up there who wrote the notes on how they cannot forget their mistresses, they are in the stage of infatuation. I was there too, affairs by nature are designed to infatuate both parties. You pursue an imaginary ideal which of course you think of so much, that your brain makes you believe what you tell yourself. None of it is true, the illusion of mistresses is just that, “an illusion.” The reality of any mistress, especially the one where she pursues a married men with kids knowing full well, is that she is nothing but a low life piece of crap, a WH*#$. A mistress like you is a person that has no boundaries, no self-respect, no self-love, a complete lack of empathy for the lives she is ruining, is extremely deceitful and manipulative, and completely selfish, a complete sociopath, if not a psychopath. My mistress wanted to do it “because you are only young once” what a WH*#$. That is what I think of her and will think of her for the rest of my life. I never EVER want to have anything to do with a person like her. She has no idea what her actions and my actions have caused, and she does not CARE (just like you don’t care). I will spend the rest of my life trying to not be what I let myself become. Yeah I told her so many lies as well, why would ever tell her that the sex with my wife is the best I have ever had, and that sex with her was mediocre, why would I tell her I love big hazel eyes? (she was part asian, and had beady eyes), she was not anywhere near as gorgeous as my wife is… yet I still told her I loved her eyes, and all the other crap, because all I was doing was using her for sex…. I was stupid enough to get infatuated with someone who is not even worth a 2nd look. While infatuated, married men will say whatever they want in order to get more sex. None of it is true. What most mistresses do not want to believe is that men will tell you anything you want to hear in order to get sex from you. The men who are cheating on their wives… will never leave their wives for a piece of trash like a mistress. And if they are stupid enough to leave they will very soon find out that they exchanged a piece of gold for trash and will hate themselves for being so stupid. My mistress doesn’t know that the trial separation was forced on me, it was the only thing I could do to prevent my wife from divorcing me. I went home every day to my kids also like your married man did, of course this is the only thing I could tell that psychopath of my mistress because if I told her that I went back every day to see my wife (that I love more than anything in the world), then my fun would be ruined wouldn’t it? I was a piece of crap for doing this to my wife and kids.
Why then did I have the affair? It was because of the things that are wrong within myself. My values and character were non-existent. I realized the kind of person I was when I had the affair, and it no one any person can be proud of. It was nothing especial about my mistress that made me have the affair, she was just free sex, infatuation (due to the situation of an affair) and nothing more. She is a horrible person that I never ever want to have anything to do with again. You say you are sorry for the harm you caused the other woman and children, I highly doubt it. Because if you even felt the slightest remorse, you would never EVER contact that married man again. Of course, the pieces of crap that mistresses are would never understand that. You ask how your married man can ignore you? Lol…. Easy, it’s very easy to ignore a piece of trash. Affairs are not EVER about love, they are only about selfishness within each party having the affair, a deep desire to feel important, and complete stupidity on both parties for ever believing ANYTHING coming out of the mouth of each party. ALL OF IT IS A FARSE. A complete lie. Men who are fantasizing about their mistresses, are in a stage of infatuation due to the situation of the affair. They built a piece of crap of a woman up in their minds to be something that will never EVER match reality, its 180 degrees the opposite way of their fantasy (total nightmare). Mistresses are all pieces of crap. The kind of women a man never EVER wants to be with or marry.
You say you are feeling better every day… of course, psychopaths that never take responsibility for their actions will never ever feel remorse for the damage they caused. I still watch my wife cry herself to sleep every day because of my actions and the actions of my mistress. (I am sure she like you, also feels much better, or has moved on to ruin other people’s lives).

I know this is old, but Thanks so much, your response opened my eyes and helped me understand what I'm going through. "Infatuation", and the excitement. What hit me was you saying that she was no were as gorgeous as your wife is. Honestly, my situation end recently after 6 yrs but your response made me feel better instantly. Thanks

I recently saw a testimony about this spell caster, before that, my problem was that, A guy i who have been dating me for 8 months departed from me because he fell in love with someone else, I was so hurt and depressed. so a friend suggested the idea of contacting a spell caster, which I never thought of myself. after i contacted dr.marnish@yahoo com for his help. I asked him to do a love spell for me so that my lover can come back to me, but before the spell was done, I was a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back to me. Only 3 days after the spell was actually cast, my lover returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. He doesn't cheat me now. Also, I feel no heartache anymore For that reason, I will never forget the good Dr Manish did to me, there is no word to say how grateful I am for returning my lover back to me, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page,
Wallace Diana Anderson from England

Man! thats the only way to go. Congratulations on your determination! I have one question. After two years apart, do you still miss your ex lover? Do you still think about her?

Hi, 2 years later and I thought I would update some people.
I am so surprised not only from the responses, but by the private messages I received.
Too many of us out there.
I look at my parents 47 year marriage and my grandparents 63 (yes 63!) year marriage and wonder how the hell they did it.
In any case, I stopped contacting her and moved on for 2 years.
This December, she contacted me and wanted to have lunch.
I met her (I know, I know) and we caught up.
She got married in July and told me she is unhappy.
She wants to hang out with me once in awhile and who knows?
If you wait long enough for an epiphany, sometimes it will kick you in the *** like a sledgehammer.
I was going to leave my wife and family for a girl who after 5 months of her 2nd marriage, is looking outside.
I did love my wife and respected marriage which is why I felt guilt and was torn.
I went to therapy with my wife for 6 months and speak with her now like I haven't in years.
I am a little bored sometimes and that happens.
But I would rather be bored with a woman I love than to be insecure and worried with a partner whom I honestly cannot trust.
Marriage is work. Plain and simple.
If you want it to work, then you have to work at it.
If it is not there, it's not there, I get it. But, how can it be there if your attention and mind are somewhere else.
My Dad helped me a lot.
He said, if you leave your wife, I will stand behind you because you are my son BUT, ask yourself 1 question:
Have you done everything you can to make the marriage better?
Be honest with yourself.
Have you done everything? Truly everything?
If yes, than you can walk away with a clean conscience.
If not, than you are doomed to repeat this scenario over and over.
Good luck to you all.
I will check back from time to time.


Soooo glad that you updated with how things are going! I tried to pull away from my MM whom Ive been with for 8 months now and I cant do it.. I have a feeling I will be around for sometime. I was honest with him and told him I have went on a few dates, but he knows that I am not sleeping with anyone else and if I do I know it will be time to move on... My situation is a bit different than yours but all of these stories have their similarities.. I am 22 hes 30, newly wed, first child, and doesnt really see his wife who is a nurse as well. They had issues prior to marriage and not just that he is bored but unhappy... His happiness means something to me and no matter how angry I become I cant find myself leaving right now.. I wish I had the answers, wish I knew how she felt so that I could gain some perspective..

@Summersails,I wish you would read your own post.you say you see yourself staying for a long time and that's exactly what your MM expects!have you ever wondered why someone in an unhappy relationship stays...I mean the REAL reason an not the tried and tested "staying for the kids", wife mistreats me etc?@Loveitsimple has stated that he loves his wife and that's what stops him from leaving his wife.Could it be possible that your MM loves his wife too but you have convinced yourself that he loves you more,after dating for 6months!It doesn't matter that he's bored because to him,giving up the comfort and knowledge of a wife he's been through trials and tribulations for a woman that he has only been in an unrealistic set up ie the dating faze,can seem daunting for men and they therefore make you believe that they stay for all these ridiculous reasons and you lap it up,because believing anything else would mean facing the reality that he is not as unhappy as he makes himself out to be and that in his mindset,even though things at home seem bad,they are not bad enough for him to contemplate leaving.Do you think he is a loving husband at home,or is that too painful to envision?For all you know,and for the sake of remaining undetected in his wife's eyes,he still sleeps with her (has sex that is) because not doing so after only a year of marriage for the 6months he's been with you would rouse suspicion.Therefore whilst you knowingly sleep with someone who goes home to another,she remains clueless to your existence.have you also thought about the small things he does,ie what he tells everyone else apart from you about his wife,does he have pictures of her on his phone?because if he's unhappy he'd only have pictures of his child.i don't understand what exactly you are waiting for?is it for him to leave her so he can be with you?has he actually told you tht this would be happening or have you assumed?if he is leaving when is this going to happen or is he stringing you along until you are so in love with him that he knows you won't be going anywhere.if he did leave his wife for you,what are your expectations for the future relationship?do you believe that it will be exactly the same as when you were having a secret relationship or once he and you have the opportunity to live or spend all your time together and you get to really know eachother,will it be different.when he can't take you out for a romantic dinner because he has his young child with him as his wife insists that he shares the responsibility.how about cooking every single day for him,picking up his clothes,cleaning for him AND his child?ironing,shopping,running errands,the real stuff involved in a relationship,because you do know that together with dating,a relationship involves hard work.maybe if your MM continued to date his wife,the relationship wouldn't become sour as at the end of the day whilst he's wining and dining you,she's home with the child resuming all the other tedious responsibilities whilst he's unwinding at the end of a stressful day.i wonder who takes over from her at the end of a stressful day.its unfortunate to hear men complain about women changing after marriage when they don't realise that most times they get to keep their lives whilst women have major responsibilities added to their lives.and no,I'm not a disgruntled wife.my dad left my mum for a woman who became extremely wicked and bitter when she found herself lumbered with my lazy dad!i absolutely HATED spending time with them as she complained about everything she had to do.my dad tried and failed many times to slither back to my mum like the snake he is.i love him but can't stand him and as soon as I had the opportunity I didn't "visit" them anymore.that was 10years ago.ive heard they are no longer together,he's in some grotty bedsit

I dont know why I didn't respond to this sooner... I want to try to address everything you said in order as best I can. First, I do wonder if he loves his wife. I know that it can't be solely his son as the reason he is staying or at least I wont allow myself to believe it. His wife has a good job and he knows her and they have a child. There is stability to a degree, he doesn't feel that he knows me enough to leave and probably fears I will leave him and then he will be alone without me,his wife, or his child... He does have sex with her. I have asked him and he admits that he does. It does bother me, but there is nothing I can do aside from leaving him. He never has told me that his home environment is bad, he just says he feels sad and like something is missing. I work with him so I know that at least at his job he doesn't talk about his family or wear his wedding ring. The background on his phone is a random default pic. I don't know what type of man he is at home... He could be a rude, cold, slob... I'm clueless in that aspect. He told me he doesn't plan on divorcing her because he refuses to leave her in a single parent home and to not be able to see his son every day. He said if she asks for a divorce then that is fine. I'm not waiting, I'm trying to cope. I have no clue what is going to happen but I'm not very optimistic considering he has no plans of leaving. If we did have a relationship eventually or if that happens I realize it would be difficult, I was engaged to a man with 3 kids for 7 years.... Taking on his personality and living together would be hard. I know that if they divorced him and I would live together immediately and that's a big change. I would love him and be there for him. And I know how to handle him and he knows how to handle my temper. We have argued before and reconcile easily as well as talked about financial status, children, working, and values and expectations. That doesn't mean that it would be perfect, but I know I could be happy with him. We shall see..

I'm dealing with this as well. I've been married for 6 years to someone who was one time the most kick *** woman I've ever met. Unfortunately she has since become very cold and there's a big lack of intimacy. I considered divorce but then we had our awesome son and now I can't picture going even a few days without him. I met a woman who is really cool, pretty, funny and generally has a sense of independence and maturity I respected. We had the most deep conversations and knew dating each other would be tough but for the time, we filled each others voids. She was single, focusing on her career and didn't want anyone else full time. We have been dating for 4 months and haven't had intercourse, but several oral (sex is sex, I get it). I always regretted not being able to give her what she needs (bf to bring to family functions, hang out at each others house, etc etc), but I did make her a priority when I could. I knew she loved me and I just recently admitted to myself I love her also. Sadly, I was just informed she met someone, yet she still wants nothing to change with us. I love her and so I'm trying not to be selfish as she deserves what I can't offer, but its tougher on me due to the fact to me, things were as close to perfect as they could be. It's interesting because I was always worried she would get hurt and yet not I'm dealing with the pain of a break up of a relationship at it's peak. Just thinking this way makes me wanna say "DUDE REALLY?!", but I truly love her. She doesn't want things to change but I can't keep going knowing she's beginning an upswing with someone else. I guess this is karma and maybe I deserve this.

My situation is very similar 8 months for me she is married as I am. I'm 47 she is 36. We have been neighbors for 8 years. She asked me if I would please leave my wife to make a life with her. I told her I wanted to but couldn't. She left him and got her own place just after Christmas and told me she met someone just before Christmas. I just cut off communications as that is what she wants but it's killing me and I'm only on day 3. My story is so much more complex and will share eventually

I am having trouble understanding .. if your affair partner is up and dating again and was dating behind your back, can't you use that thought to think of to get over this. How can some people just date and get all these people to fall all over them ... leaving their wives and idolizing them like movie stars?? The bible talks about idolizing. My husband idolized his exgirlfriend. She used this and got back in touch when her husband quit working.She looked for pity and then made sure to get him where she wanted in case her husband left. HEr husband left, My husband found out about the other men she had lined up as well. He hasn't spoke to her. I don't feel pity for her because she had no respect for anyone else. She was a spoiled brat who only cared about herself. WIsh he could have seen this before he went and talked to her and pined for her for months. IT did a lot of damage to our marriage. I hope he can clearly see it now.

take your mistress. she loves you too. tell your wife the truth that you need to move on. be there for your kids, but be happy with your lover. why hurt both women? let your wife move on, give your true love attention she deserves.

you're straight up stupid. learn to respect your wife and love her correctly. make a choice. you are caught up in some sort of fantasy with your mistress, and it might seem like fun, but when it all comes down to it, you will be even more miserable with your mistress in the end. both of you cheated, so that means both will not trust one another, and look how she makes you feel already. don't be an idiot. even though in my eyes, you are and will continue to be. be open to your wife and give her a choice wether or not to stay knowing the full truth. she deserves that. you are torn between reality and a fantasy.

Thank you all for your experiences and advice. I feel for all of you. My mistress (for six months) broke up with me and I feel that if I let her go I will not feel what I am feeling for her ever again. I have not felt like this since my teenage years. I have been married for 19 years and have college age children. I was willing to let everything go but she says that I need to have a clean breakup for the right reasons and not because of the affair. She is not willing to go through the trauma of my breakup and prefers to try to resume our relationship with a clean slate after I go through the divorce. Breaking the relationship now is tearing me apart. I feel stupid, depress, and frustrated that I cannot be with her. I have not felt this low I think ever. I hope all of the ones that posted their stories and are going through similar situations get to the healthy side of this drama.

She should have been by your side through the divorce thats when you needed her the most!!!!

Maximus your post was awesome and gave me a perspective on the dynamic between the husband and his mistress (if she's single) that I hadn't considered. He has to 'toe the line' with her and can't be himself.

I feel for you buddy. As much as I shouldn't, with being a woman who has been cheated on by my sons father as well as experiencing the other side of the fence of being that other woman who missed my lover on weekends and resented it. It's never nice to miss someone so badly. But I will tell you what you need to understand. If you commit to moving on..it will happen much quicker than you think :) It will happen so quickly you won't even notice. But you must first of all commit to the fact it's over, and nothing that happens will change it..no phone call from her or text will change your mind. Here's what you need to do; delete all photos, messages, any sign or trace of her. Do not listen to soppy sad music, don't indulge in daydreams about what you shared..cut it out! Focus on anything that makes you happy, relaxed, and fulfilled that does not involve her. Get a massage, go out with friends, enjoy nice food and indulge yourself. If your mind wanders back to her..think of the shittiest thing she ever did..don't think of anything nice to do with her. Trust me..IT WORKS

Bewitched7, I´m living a situation very similar to loveitssimple, sorry if my English is not quite perfect, I´m from Mexico, but I want to thank you because your words are confirming my thinking about getting over my breakup with my 2 year mistress, I´m following your instructions and it´s working, I´m leaving her behind each day faster, God bless you, your advise is helping me so much !!!!!

wow- I'm sitting here heartbroken and on a whim decided to do a quick google search b/c I thought there had to be someone out there feeling what I've been feeling. It was strangely comforting to read all of your stories and to see that I'm not alone in what I thought to be feelings I shouldn't be having.<br />
<br />
By all accounts, I should have known better. This is the 2nd time I've been through this, the 1st time was hard enough and here I went and did it again.<br />
<br />
Long long story in a nutshell since so many details are the same. Married for 10 years, in my mid 30's, 2 kids, nice house, nice job, for the most part looking in people would say great life. But I'm never happy, suffered with depression forever and have sought happiness in places I shouldn't.<br />
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Just mutually ended (I hope) a 2 yr affair with my mistress. Because of the nature of my job I was able to spend pretty much every day with her for at least part of the day, for nearly a year and a half. I spent at least 1 if not 2 nights a week with her- completely financially supported her as well. It started out her being with me cheating on her then boyfriend who couldn't support her.<br />
<br />
We fell hopelessly in love. She lives in drama, constant drama, due to some things there's no point going into here, but needless to say it's the polar opposite of my "stable" life.<br />
<br />
Then the resentment started- missed holidays with her b/c I'm with my family etc... all the things people mentioned here. I ended up changing jobs and moving 400+ miles away, and initially she was going to come with me. Some things happened and she couldn't, which is probably for the best but hurt like hell.<br />
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I still made it back to see her a couple times a month, and we spoke on the phone daily, but it was harder and harder over the last 5 months. We broke up multiple times, but usually just in an argument and we were back together in 2 days.<br />
<br />
she "cheated" on me 3 times that I know of in that time fr<x>ame- reasons are irrelevant, but I only found out about the 3rd one today. I was actually contacted directly by the guy she has been living with, that I knew nothing about. Had a very honest conversation with him, and basically I walked away from the whole relationship after finding out the last 4 months were nothing but a lie that I convinced myself of.<br />
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This is a girl I thought about leaving my entire family, home, everything to be with. The chemistry is / was amazing, amazing sex, and I've never felt happy and alive like I did with her. <br />
<br />
I realize that a big part of that happiness is the thrill of the taboo, and also the lack f real world problems and responsibilities when I'm with her. Also that she is / was dependant on me totally supported some of my personal self esteem and codependancy issues.<br />
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So now it's over for real- I think? I hope? I know it's best for me financially to be done, it's certainly best for my family to be done, it gives me more time and love to give to my kids....but all that being said I feel heartbroken at the thought that I will never feel happiness and excitement again, never feel as alive again as I did when I was with her.<br />
<br />
I do know this is real heartache, I do know that she felt this heartache every night she went to sleep knowing I was home with my wife, and I do know that this heartache is nothing compared to what my wife and kids would go through if they found out or if I left my family. <br />
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It's amazing though that even knowing all those things- knowing the right thing to do- knowing that I was wrong and I brought this on myself...I still sit here heartbroken, wishing my phone would ring and it would be her telling me she wants to see me.<br />
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I'm sure I sound like an *** here, wanting my cake and eating it too, and committing so much time and money to an impossible relationship- but it doesn't make the pain any less real, perhaps it just makes me a worse person.

The pain is real but if you can manage to control yourself by not making contact, it will gradually fade away day by day. I had an on-off affair for close to six months - like you constantly breaking it off then back on again, just pulled together and unable to stay apart - and even though at one level I know my affair partner is not as good a man as my husband and probably a mass of trouble for me - I think controlling and manipulative - I still longed for a text, anything really, like an addict waiting for a hit. The sex was mind-blowing and the feelings more intense than anything I've felt ever before. BUT what happens when you start dealing the the nitty gritty of your broken marriage and all the practical and financial difficulties etc. I KNOW that I am right to end this even though it has hurt worse than anything else. Trouble is, you can't talk about the pain and how it feels as it is illicit so you feel you are suffering alone. Don't beat yourself up about your affair but just try to take each day one step at a time.

right now i want to get some answers for my own progress towards closure (or am I just telling myself that?) The other guy she's been living with has been txting me, I hate to say it but he seems to be a nice reasonable guy. Pretty much said if I want her shes mine b/c he knows she loves me and wants me. I took the "high" road and told him no, she made her choice by living with him, and we split up. I just want to talk to her and get some answers now.

I'm 2+ years into it with this girl- and the situation is further complicated in that I completely supported her, and she has some bad mental issues and also a drug problem.

Anyone looking at the situation including myself sees the right thing to do- get out while I can, before there is unrepairable damage to my family- I don't know what it is, something about this girl that I'm so in love with- maybe it's the thought of being able to help her- I guess the "why" isn't the issue- the issue is what am I going to do.

I need to cut it off- but I need answers first. I don't know if that will make it any easier, probably not, perhaps it will only hurt me more, but I'm not sure that's possible anyway.

i feel your pain....ive been having an affair for a year and a half, its been a rollercoster of drama but the when its been on the sex and time together has been amazing. Somewhat similar cincircumstances, she has 2 kids and i have been there emotionally &amp; financially for her. But recently i found out that she met someone on a recent trip and slept with him. What makes things more interesting is that I had just left my wife to be with her a month ago! Staying at her place while she was gone for 2days i was able to view her email. Needless to say the email i read devestated me, back in forth notes between them stating how good the sex was. It broke me, i packed up and left after confronting her. Looking back these past few days i know it was for the best, because being with her and the drama was emotionally draining on me. In the end I guess carma is a ***** and i deserved what i gave my wife

That's brutal. I had much same dilemma. Is there a right answer?

I want my MM to come to meee!!! Ugh, I would do anything to have him near me. Cant see how a woman would fight so hard for an MM and to actually go through a divorce and then she sees another person!!! Horrible. Im just dumbfounded at some women and their thought patterns..

2 More Responses

I am in a bad marriage for a few years now and have intended on ending despite having young children. I started to become friends with a man whom which I knew was married with two children. We became very close fast and had a strong physical connection. We both had developed feelings for each other and we both made justification for our affair, mine being that I was going to file for divorce from a emotionally abusive husband and his being that his wife had affairs early on in their marriage for which he never confronted her about. After a few months my husband had discovered our affair and told his wife. We briefly stopped talking and eventually ended up where we left off. Our affair continued and we discussed the possibility of making a life together a few times. Recently his wife discovered emails between us that she could easily determine that our affair was more than sexual. He has decided to try and work stuff out at home, he claims is for his children. I am continuing on with my plans to divorce. It is a very painful situation. I hope I am strong enough to move on if he should try to contact me again which I feel is inevitable. As for his wife, her past actions and lies may have caught up with her. She is lucky to be able to keep him, despite his betrayal with me, he is a wonderful man.

Thanks maximus...you said a mouthful and it truly helped me. I am hurting but Im hurting because Im selfish and ashamed. I think of how badly my wife would hurt if she knew the things I had done with this "soulmate." I got lucky, no one found out and my heart will mend.

Forget her and focus on your commitment to your wife and kids. Think of all the pain you caused your wife. You should be focusing your energy on making amends to your wife for that big hole you put in her heart. You took a lifetime vow when you married her for better or for worse. Your wife's disease is a poor excuse for cheating. <br />
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Should you leave your wife for this mistress? Are you kidding? She was only married for a year when she cheated on her spouse with you. Do you really want a woman like that? She has poor morals and is unwilling to commit to a relationship. She'll be cheating on you within a year. <br />
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If there's a problem with sex, you and your wife should seek counseling and find out what the problem is and look for ways to resolve it. It sounds like there's something going on other than grave's disease. I'd lost my sex drive for many years due to a hormone imbalance. When I got on bioidentical HRT, which included testosterone, the problem was resolved. Thankfully, my husband remained committed to our relationship and never cheated.

WOW, I read all the post, the last one by Maxamus really hit home. I'm not trying, I left my mistress and I accept the loss, the broken heart and the false hope of a perfect life. It really was the best choice.

I'm in the broken heart and hope of grass greener and confused and hope best decision.

I'm glad I read these posts. You know, it's all bullshit. If you are cheating on your spouse and really believe that you are having a relationship with your lover you are seriously deluded. I believed this for a while until I saw how completely insane it was. The hiding, the lies, the stories you concoct. You will never be on equal footing with your lover. You can never really say what you feel because this person always has the potential to betray you in a a fit of angry passion, so you spend a lot of time trying to make them happy. Don't think it's not a power trip either. And while you are trying to be good to everyone you are being mind-f***ed by him/her with guilt and manipulation. There are no innocent parties here except maybe the spouse that is being cheated on, and only because they being deceived. Doesn't matter how much of a ***** or bastard they are. Reading these posts is like glass of water in the face for me because I was in a similar situation and it cost me money, my health and my sanity in the end. You refuse to see the truth and you idealize this individual that you are engaged in a duplicitous charade with and you call it love. Wake the "F" up. If he/she will do it with you, they will probably do it to you. A guy that sleeps with another man's wife, with SO MANY single and willing women out there, will sleep with anyone's wife- remember that when your sister comes over after the divorce. A woman that will willingly begin a relationship with a man who is married with responsibilities and call it a relationship is pretty needy and tell me if that isn't a power trip. Curiously, my mistress was cheating on her boyfriend with me. What was I thinking?<br />
So you have this so-called wonderful relationship with this other person while your wife/husband is doing what... having a relationship with who- a lie?<br />
THINK OF WHAT YOU ARE REALLY DOING HERE PEOPLE! You are living in a fantasy, and it always ends badly. Fix your relationship, or leave it. But do something. YOU KNOW VERY WELL YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF LEAVING YOUR SPOUSE. People who cheat never do. You are just having your cake and eating it too, until it all falls apart. And then there are bodies everywhere, devastated spouses, broken children, angry and broken mistresses and lovers who had somehow deluded themselves into thinking you were going to leave. And honestly, at least the lover or mistress is somewhat more honest you than you. They don't really have to hide do they? Unless they are married, they can do whatever they want and can walk away intact, albeit with a broken heart perhaps but not a hell of a lot more. Married... you have everything to lose. Your family, your reputation, your self-respect. <br />
Listen to me, please. Get out of this delusion you are in. And you know what, stop confessing, and whatever you do, let your secret die with you, for everyone's sake. That crap about a confession making a relationship stronger is just that CRAP. I've seen this a dozen times and it always ends the same way. Badly. Walk away from something but make a choice, dammit and live your life authentically. This culture and abominations like Ashley-Madison, because that is what it is, have only encouraged people who are miserable for any variety of reasons to really look for trouble. When they should really be looking at themselves. They should interview some of the casualties of Ashley-Madison. I'm one of them. And everyone I met there without exception had serious issues, myself included. People have been cheating since the beginning of time, so what? But here in America we've turned this into a national pastime, more stuff to fill our already stuffed lives. <br />
Folks, don't beat yourselves up. We are only human, We do the best we can and sometimes we just F up. That's life. But if you posted here you know what you have to do. Walk away in either direction, but make a choice. My god, it is so hard, I think of it everyday, but that is why the right thing is always the hardest thing to do.<br />
Good Luck, friends...

If you really love your mistress and not your wife, divorce the wife and be with your mistress. Your wife and kids deserve someone who is there 100%. You should do what's right for you. I am. My mistress told me I need to be divorced before she can see me again. I have been mentally divorced for years, but never made the move. There's only one life to live. I will divorce my wife because I'm not happy, but not for another woman. Only for me.

If you really love your mistress and not your wife, divorce the wife and be with your mistress. Your wife and kids deserve someone who is there 100%. You should do what's right for you. I am. My mistress told me I need to be divorced before she can see me again. I have been mentally divorced for years, but never made the move. There's only one life to live. I will divorce my wife because I'm not happy, but not for another woman. Only for me.

Wow and here it is, I thought my situation was unique but I am reading my story here over and over again. I hate use the word 'mistress' but I guess that's the correct term. For about 3 years I watched her from afar. Always wondering what her name was. She worked behind at my local coffee shop. Actually, it became 'my coffee shop' because I would find a reason to go there just about every day just for a chance to see her and maybe hear her voice if she was taking orders that day. Over the course of those 3 years we made small talk here and there. She had a baby and I just kept her in my mind as a fantasy assuming she had a boyfriend, fiance or something being she had a baby now. A few months went by and I hadn't seen her until one day I walked into another coffee shop closer to home and there she was. Then that same week I see her pulling up at the same day care that I took y daughter to. Small talk became more frequent and I began asking her how the baby was and so on. She would always answer but I noticed she would never mention 'dad' or his father or boyfriend or anything to suggest a man in her life and she wore no ring. I was curious but never asked as I was married and really wasn't interested in having an affair and betraying my wife. I just thought of it as my secret crush. Mother's day came around and I thought it would be nice to give her a car and a candle or something. She loved it and small talk became conversations. Turns out we were both really big movie buffs and one evening she invited me over to watch a movie. I thought it was innocent and neither of us honestly had any intentions. But one thing led to another and we kissed and fooled around a bit but never slept together. Months later after our conversations turned to several texts a day and phone calls, we grew closer and our feelings grew. For months she expressed an interest in getting intimate and I kept refusing. I didn't want to betray my marriage. But one day it happened. And then again and again. It was amazing. She was amazing. Not just sexually but as a person. Our feelings grew and we fell in love. 2 years passed and she grew tired of spending holidays and nights alone while I was spending nights and holidays at home with my wife and kids. The burden became too much for both of us and we have broken up at least 5 or 6 times now. Each time more heart wrenching than the last. I am really happy when I am with her and my wife although she says she loves me very much, she really doesn't make me feel that way. She can actually be quite cold and mean much like her mother. It seems no matter what she goes through in life, if it's a tough time, she takes it out on me. The things she says sometimes I cannot even repeat as they are so hurtful and not the types of things you say to someone you love. I feel beat up and emotionally bruised. I lay at night staring at the ceiling wondering what my mistress is doing even though we've broken up again. She even got a hold of a pair of my sweat pants and started sleeping in them. She said they made her feel like I was with her at night. This last break up, she gave them back to me and I've actually tied them up in plastic because they smell like her and I want it to last as long as possible. When no one is around I sit and breathe in her scent and think about her. I would like to feel this way for my wife but she makes it impossible because of the type of person she is. I want to do the right thing and stick with my family. We have 3 children and I don't want to hurt them or my wife but I am not happy. I don't now what to do.

You do know what to do and that's to walk away...to someone who is decent enough to take time away from a child,because thts what you were doing when you spent time with her and probably her child.you gave her and her child precious time whilst neglecting your wife and children,your own flesh and blood and yet you sit there wondering why your wife is so cold???are you serious.finding out my dad cheated was worse for me than when he left!i knew my parents weren't happy and would have accepted (even at a later stage) my parents split!however,finding out that my father had an affair made me lose every ounce of respect I had for him.i love him but feel disappointed that the man I thought to be my hero was such a coward.i hate the woman he was with,for sitting and WAITING for him to leave us for her as though she deserved his time more than ours.i hate that he left my COLD mother for a woman who he is now no longer with and once again,blaming her for it!i hate that he thought he could just walk back in as if it was his g*d given right to just slide back in unnoticeable!i love that my mother didn't give him that chance!i love that no matter what he said about her,my mother remained gracious and decent,unlike his cruel and immoral mistress.i hate that when he lived with us in his unhappy life he smiled everyday,yet when him and his mistress lived together,he was always sad,even when I tried to make him happy.i have come to the conclusion tht they got what they deserved,I DON'T feel sorry for my dad,because he didn't appreciate what he had.i am grateful for the lesson that I have learnt from his misery,which is certainly fitting and that is the grass is never greener.he forfeited EVERYTHING for a stranger,including us,his own children and for what,a lonely existence in a bedsit,feeling sorry for himself and reminiscing about the past life(which I thought he was unhappy in).i haven't seen him for 10years out of my own choice as I said his mistress was a cruel woman.i don't actually miss him as I hardly saw him when he was married to my mother and saw him even less when he moved in with his mistress as she demanded most of his time!i vowed never ever to marry a man like my father.unfortunately his cowardess only made things worse.

GIGIPat, Ur 100% right. My husband did all that to my two young children and me, but since his mistress never actually left her common law husband when my husband was ready to leave us for her he kept staying w us. I let him stay because I loved him so much but it hurts everyday to know that he preferred to spend time and money on her than his own children on their bdays none the less. My son knows what his father did I'm sure. He's now almost 11 and for the 2 yrs my husband had his affair we would argue and sadly my son who was between 8 and 10 overheard us quite a bit. I feel stupid staying each time I found out he was still w her. My heart broke all over again each time. He ruined our lives my children didn't have the father they needed for 2 yrs or the mother since I was always worried and nervous and trying to catch him. These people who cheat know what they need to do but they choose to let their desires lead them instead of sticking to their vows and promises. They think its the most painful thing to let go of their affair partner. They deserve that "pain". Being the wife, husband or child being cheated on is far more painful and undeserved.

Things finally just ended with my mistress of nearly 18 months...forever. It is one of the hardest things for me to cope with right now because I thought I was truly in love with her. I was on the brink of leaving my family and putting my kids through what would have been the worst possible thing in their childhood. All to be with her. All ba<x>sed on false emotions. I suppose it is for the best that that didn't happen. That my eyes were finally opened to the truth.<br />
<br />
So many lies and half truths were revealed to me in the last week. That there have been other men in her life the entire time we were together. That she was already with someone new the last time I saw her and is still with him. I don't know what hurts worse...losing her, or the feeling that none of this was real. That I had been a complete fool. That she could be with other people behind my back and continue to tell me that we would be together once I got divorced. I had put my heart and soul into her. She was my closest friend and confidant. But if she was never honest with me to begin with then where does that leave me?<br />
<br />
There is a saying that a man may cheat on his wife, but not his mistress. I guess the reverse is not true. No honor among thieves.<br />
<br />
Right now I am in a very bad mental and emotional state. I have a wife and kids that deserve better. I almost lost them to be with someone that I was so convinced I would spend the rest of my life with, only to discover that it was just all in my head. <br />
<br />
It is humiliating as well, because my friends and even my mother knew about the situation and knew how I felt. How do I move on from this? How do I heal my family...and my broken heart. How do I put my life back together?

Day by day

I have read all the posts and have seen similarities to my story. I have been married for 24 years and have been in an affair for 2 ½ years. I meet my mistress and had an instant connection. It started as flirting then meeting secretly for coffee then early morning walks. I would start kissing her then feeling guilty but I had a strong attraction to go further. We became friends for 4 months before we finally had sex. After that is was all we did. We have broken up 4 times only to just receive a sms or a call and then we are back in a full relationship. Every time we broke up, I felt wow I got away with the affair. 3 months ago she phoned me to tell me she wanted to start seeing other men. That sent me in a spin. I wanted her all to myself and not share her with anyone, but I was not willing to leave my wife. My wife is a beautiful loving person who loves me unconditionally and I feel guilty for what I have done to her behind her back. I stop seeing my girlfriend for about a month, but all it took was a phone call from her telling me she misses me to return back in her arms. We have since started our sexual relationship again. We know this can’t keep on going on for much longer. We have decided to stop having sex until I am available. We have decided to stay friends while I sort myself out. I know this won’t work how you can fix your marriage while you are still seeing your girlfriend even just has friends. I just don’t have the will power to go cold turkey and I really love her, but I still love my wife who has been with me through the tough times. I am going through the pain all you guys have been through.

I kno I'm late but I really understands where he is coming from. It's easy to fall in love wit somebody else when u married. Reason being once u married after so many years things get old I Mean Old. New ppl come around new conversation new life style & we find all da right reasons to cheat bt really it's wrong & we're hurting our spouses I say out bcuz imma women & I did it & da out come wasn't pretty.. It's been months & I can gladly say I'm done fully over him & I'll never ever hurt my hubby again

I kno I'm late but I really understands where he is coming from. It's easy to fall in love wit somebody else when u married. Reason being once u married after so many years things get old I Mean Old. New ppl come around new conversation new life style & we find all da right reasons to cheat bt really it's wrong & we're hurting our spouses I say out bcuz imma women & I did it & da out come wasn't pretty.. It's been months & I can gladly say I'm done fully over him & I'll never ever hurt my hubby again

i had a mistress for 5 months till yesterday. My work made me stay in another country. My mistress has two kids from her old marraiage i met her divorced and she needed help and i needed comfort<br />
we have broken up 5 times 4 times by her because and i went to beg her to take me back all the time<br />
Last week she told me she was pregnant and i painfully paid part of the abortion bills, but i left her cos she always ask for money and i suspect she might have someone else in her life whom she is hiding from me<br />
i stopped taking her calls and going to see her and i know her pride will never allow her to call me but i miss her. I asloknow i must stop seeing her or else i will dig a big hole in my pocket all she cares for is money all the time

I don't know if this form Is still open. My wife and I have been together for 13 years. My<br />
Mistress was my best friend for 10 years ( we were not together, just friends). My wife and I slowly drifted apart. I was depressed and recovering from back surgery when my friend and I got together. It was late and we were relaxing watching a movie ( weekly event for years). We started to kid around and one thing led to another. Two weeks later we decided this needs to stop, the problem was we loved eachother. My wife's great but we were missing something.<br />
<br />
My wife has come to realize that she does love me after 9 months of not bring sure ( she told me she was not sure if she loved me). I'm with here out of guilt. We have a son, business and house together. I earn most of the income. I offered my wife everthing and told her I'd pay the mortgage, car, bills and she can look for someone that woukd make her happy. She said she wanted me.<br />
<br />
My friend/mistress decided she should step aside so u can make a clear decision. I'm confussed. I love both. I don't know what too do. My ideal situation woukd be to live in my home with my friend but that would be selfish.<br />
<br />
I have looked at apartments my heart feels like it's being ripped out thinking of leaving my home. But the thought of holding my friend everyday and listening to her draughts bring a smile to my face.<br />
<br />
My wife is very dependent on me And I worry so<br />
much for her well being. I know she wouldn't do it but she threatened to kill herself. <br />
<br />
I know any partner woukd take that comment as true love and run with it. I feel so guilty inside for not believing her. When I had back surgery I was home for 4 months. My wife didn't help with the business, calling my sons school if he was sick, or even sit with me when I was down or in pain. My friend did do all of this for me. We became involve shortly after my surgery.<br />
<br />
I fear I will stay with my wife and loose my friend and soulmate. I love my mistress so much, but I feel so responsible for my family. The pains killing me.<br />
<br />
If anyone has lived this or any advice.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough. <br />
Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough. <br />
Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough. <br />
Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough. <br />
Good luck to all.

I mean you can't have it all. I just ended it with my secret boyfriend too. Breaks my heart. He is getting married in less than 2 weeks. Yeah... messy. Gonna be depressed for a long, long, long time. Just toss a coin, make a decision and go for it. And give it your all. For me personally it was clear, obviously we did not have the chance to develop anything other than the out of this world chemistry and friendship that we had and he seemed fine with it. I had to let him go, it's best for everyone. I'd rather be alone than be with a guy who really, ultimately doesn't care, no matter how you put it, that is how it feels to be the mistress. To all the guys: your mistress hates you cause she feels and knows you just don't care about her enough. <br />
Good luck to all.

Hey Entrep,<br />
<br />
How are things now? I have a similar story, which is not really worth mentioning how it happened since the reasons are varied and inherently never one sided. I moved out of my house and am quasi separated from my wife. I have not spoken to or seen my mistress in 8 weeks. I am technically living away from wife and family as a way to end my affair without resentment. My wife is aware of the deep connection I had with my mistress. My wife and I both have acknowledged our contributions to our troubled marriage, and are really working to reconnect. We have 4 children and they are aware that Daddy is not living at home while he and Mommy try to figure out adult problems. I am guessing my mistress is now trying to date and move on. My wife entertained that idea right away, and is very attractive. She met a dozen men and exchanged information in just a month and I can't say I was crazy about even though it was not unexpected. <br />
<br />
Now we both decided to not see anyone while I stay away from Mistress, so we can see if we can try to keep our marriage and family together. There is progress, but I am not sure if I will ever get over the connection I had with this other women, and if it was real, imagined, or worth breaking up my family. <br />
<br />
My wife and I are very compatible and when we are communicating we have a very good relationship, but what I had with my mistress was a chemical attraction. It is why I am literally trying to detox/rehab my addiction to my mistress while I am living away from home in my apartment. I am curious now that is has been 8 months (according to the time you posted your message) if you still feel the same way about your mistress, or if time is starting to heal your heartache, and am curious if you are still living with your wife. I tried at first to end the affair while living at home with my wife and found it impossible. Living away temporarily has helped the heartache of not seeing my mistress, but I still feel depressed daily and miss my mistress, but not as intensely.

I have almost the exact same situation. Not to excuse the negative aspect of betraying our spouses, but I had my reasons too. We were together for just under 5yrs. We met at work also, but my wife was out of the country waiting for her visa to come here. I'm in my mid-thirties.<br />
<br />
It's been about 6 months now that we stopped talking, she told me she can't give her heart anymore only to have it broken, and wait. She is only 3yrs younger than me, and we were perfect together (in my mind). I fell really hard for her, and her for me. We went everywhere together, I bought her anything she wanted. The physical aspects (sex etc) were amazing. The time I didn't invest with my wife I spent that on making the most amazing relationship with this woman. <br />
<br />
I miss her every waking moment. It's depressing, and I can only imagine that she feels similarly. We decided not to talk at all since we've tried to break up in the past with no success. Sometimes life doesn't seem worth living when you feel that a part of you is out there, and you can't have it. I'm sure we've all gone through it at some point, but I'm not in my 20's and know that the likelihood of finding someone that I fit so well with is once in a lifetime. Some of it is definitely selfishness, an obsession, that she's MINE! But most of it, I've come to realize, is and was pure love. Those nights I couldn't stay, and she knew why. It broke her heart, and made me feel like crap for both sides of it. Sure, there was excitement, seeing eachother for a weekend, jumping on a random plane together, making love every chance we got, but there was a true bond. And still remains.<br />
<br />
Yes, my wife found out, and after leaving twice she found out both times that I went back. I wasn't sloppy, but it gets tiresome. I didn't mind getting caught. I had to fight for my wife to come back. Why? Because, my story isn't sad that my wife wasn't trying, that she was not attractive to me, or anything of the sort. I just loved this other woman.<br />
<br />
I have no advice. I hate my life without her, as I'm growing to try to give my wife that piece of my life back. But, you're not alone.

Hi, I'm probably really late in responding and I hope this finds you in a good space.<br />
<br />
I just wanted to say that I hope that you didnt let love get away from you. Your situation sounded like a complicated one. Its hard when you are torn between your heart and your obligations, especially when you have built up shared experiences and a life with someone else.<br />
<br />
Despite what other people tend to think, relationships borne of affairs can be filled with as much love as any other relationship, its just the circumstances that they begin in that can make them tricky to navigate and other peoples expectations and the social pressure for breaking a taboo can really warp how you see things and yourself. You need to do the thing that makes you happiest and act true to your own heart or you will never be a real or complete person and you wont be able to make anyone else happy.<br />
<br />
Remember that you started your affair because something was broken or missing from your other relationship, unless that thing is identified and fixed, this may happen again. If someone was to ask you what one thing you really wanted out of life, chances are you would say to be happy. Think about what makes you happy, when you are happiest and embrace that.<br />
<br />
No relationship is meant to be perfect all the time, but months or years of unhappiness are not natural and in truth love should not be that hard.<br />
<br />
I wish everyone in this situation well, and all the happiness in the world.

Please do not take this the wrong way, but I sense that this issue is personal for you. <br />
I realize that what I did was wrong but should the woman take ANY responsibility? When you say "I do" is that it. <br />
Expected faithfulness no matter what? <br />
Shouldn't a wife try to keep a marriage alive as well? <br />
Men aren't really hard to please, many women stop trying.

I have no idea what is best for you and to be honest, I sympathize with your wife more than I could possibly for you. <br />
<br />
Whatever you do, if you want to salvage any bit of honor you may have as a man, DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE that you cheated on her. That secret must die with you. Next, DO NOT CHEAT on your wife again. If you can not do those two things, then you need to grow a pair of balls, leave your wife and tell your children that you are leaving.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know you are suffering heart ache over your lost girlfriend. You deserve it. Count yourself lucky in this forum. Refusers who cheat and orchestrate the demise of their own marriage deserve much worse but rarely ever get to appreciate the harm they have done to others.

Funny you should ask. <br />
It was last week. Before that it was in January sometime. <br />
It was unexpected but nice. We sat down and she told me that she was worried about me. That I seemed like I am trying to find my way. <br />
She knows me too well. <br />
I talked to a therapist who said that now that I am home and willing to work, I shouldn't bring up the affair. <br />
It will alleviate my guilt but do nothing but cause pain for her. <br />
It would be selfish with no upside.<br />
I do miss my mistress and I am trying not to think about her. <br />
I actually went to a Buddhist monastery to learn how to meditate and let the past go. <br />
Live in the now. <br />
Appreciate what I have and whats around me. <br />
My mind has always been somewhere else. Either the past, looking back with guilt or towards the future with "is this all there is? What next?. <br />
Never the present. <br />
I am trying. It is ******* hard, but I am trying.

Just out of curiosity, when was the last time you had sex with your wife?

Ok. Now might be a good time to start thinking about cleaning up the next thing, your marriage.<br />
<br />
Maybe you need to ask yourself if you actually love her. If you don't then you might need to be upfront with her about this. And see if you can convince her to be upfront with you. See what happens. In any event, you are on a roll about getting your act together - ride it.<br />
<br />
PS. You did the right thing by withdrawing from the affair I reckon. Must've been hard to do. Showed a bit of class. Well done.

Update: <br />
I have taken your advice and let her go. <br />
It has been 3 weeks since we have spoken and she has a new boyfriend. <br />
I am suffering in a way that surprises me but I need to in order to learn. <br />
These are not games, these are real people with real emotions and I should have thought this out before I got involved. <br />
Her birthday is 9/16 and I will not contact her. <br />
I will let her live her life and wish her well. <br />
It is hard and I miss her, but I made my own bed.

WOW---some of the things you said really resinated with me since my affair is starting to cool down. all the same signs..less calls, no return texts, shorter conversations....it is inevitable. <br />
<br />
Your affair is much longer than mine--but you must have known it woudl come to an end. I am certain the end is far worse than we can imagine. <br />
<br />
My guy is younger too & I know he deserves a normal relationship and a family, etc. I want that for him since he is so wonderful. He will find it with or withour my approval. <br />
<br />
So enjoy it while we can...the hangover is coming..

Your mistress is much younger than you. If you are not prepared to make your life with her - give her a shot at making a new one without you.

You NEED to let your mistress go....one of the cardinal rules for having an affair is being on equal ground.....The rules here have changed as she got out of her marriage...if you are not willing to do the same then you need to sever ties and allow her to find a complete relationship. I KNOW that this is difficult but sometimes when you love someone, you have to let them go.....if you don't she will end up resenting you. If you leave your wife for her, you may end up resenting your mistress after you see the pain it causes your children. These are NOT easy choices, but the NOBLE thing to do is to let her go......go cold turkey...no texts, no calls, no lunches...sever it completely or you are just stringing her along and hurting you both. I speak from experience here......a different situation but dangling here is painful.....

What you say is so true. I'm the guy on the other side. She divorced. I haven't. We want to be together but I'm uncertain about consequences. She is frustrated and feels strung along. We've broken up and gotten back together. And fights get worse. I hope I have the strength and courage to understand and follow your advice.

Here's my 2c worth, but you probably aren't going to like it.<br />
<br />
Might be best if you give them both a bit of space. Whilst you do so, have a really good look at yourself.<br />
When you get your own act together things may become way clearer. <br />
<br />
Someone, maybe everyone is going to get hurt here. Minimise the havoc.