This Past Weekend

A few of my wife's friends came by to "kidnap" her, to bring her to the birthday celebration of another friend of hers, leaving me alone to take care of the kids (this has been the third weekend in a row).

When she was dropped off back home the next day, she tells me that she spent the night drinking and in the hot tub naked.

This is the same conservative gal who never wants anything to do with sex, or even allow me to look at any type of ***********, due to her insecurities.
Bill205 Bill205
41-45, M
26 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Oh, sorry, my bad...she's only 20 years old AND she's married, too. OMG.

Bill, get a grip! I am not an authority and don't mean to be so damn opinionated, but I really must add my two cents on your last comment. What are you doing? 21 years your junior? Your wife's girlfriend? And why didn't you go straight to the source of the problem...your wife? C'mon, dude! I agree with enna30...you are getting yourself into a heap of **** that has all the makings of a gigantic **** pie. You may *think* you have met someone that you really connect with, and perhaps you have on some level, but to get involved with another woman right now is not good for you, and it's probably not good for this young, inexperienced 21 year old girl with issues of her own to deal with. I bet you were happy to find someone who understood you and wanted to listen and communicate with you about the situation. Of course it felt good to have someone pay attention to you and want to help you. But this is probably not the right time to start a new relationship and it's probably not the right person to get involved with either. If I were you, I would nip this new friendship in the bud immediately...you are much older than her and she is vulnerable right now if she's in a bad relationship...and you should end it before it gets out of hand. Plus, what did she say about your wife being naked in a hot tub? Isn't that the issue? Sorry to be so damn judgmental but this is clearly not a good situation you are getting yourself into. <br />
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Plus, keep this in mind...IF you and your wife were to eventually get divorced, IF that unfortunately turns out to be the case, she would be able to take you to the bank on grounds for adultery and not you on grounds of emotional abuse. Jesus, Bill, you've got us on EP to talk with...you don't need some 21 year of girl who's friends with your wife!

You are jumping from the frying pan into the fire IMO. For goodness sake end your marriage before you start banging her friend . . . this has the potential to turn pear shaped VERY quickly . . . .

I apologize for not being on for a few days, but I thought I'd share the update (it's probably turn into a confession sooner or later).<br />
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I decided to tackle the situation, and talk to her friends about what she's been up to lately.<br />
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The short answer and result is that I've since hit it off with one of her friends, who, it turns out, has a lot in common with me,. The problem other than that we're both attached is that she is 21 yrs my junior. She will turn 21 this December, and we've only been talking like this for four days, but she and I are hitting it off like you wouldn't believe. I'll tell all in an upcoming confession.

And one more thing...I'm not suggesting that everything will be better just by sharing a dirty weekend together; I was only suggesting a weekend getaway if she feels she needs some alone time without the children...just with you. I don't have children but my girlfriends do, and they sometimes feel like they need a break, just for a weekend, with just their husbands. I don't see a problem with that at all. In fact, I think it's rather healthy for a couple to get some alone time without the children. It's good for the kids, too, because they get to spend time with grandparents for a night or a weekend. But if she doesn't even tell you why she feels the need to go out without you and doesn't see that it's a problem and doesn't see how irresponsible it is to you and your children...then consider this third weekend of pagan selfishness as a serious third red flag.

bill205...I don't know a thing about you or your situation, so this is just my take on this particular post. Unless this friend's birthday bash was out of town, and unless you had been asked by your wife if it would be ok to go, and unless you gave her your blessing, this is completely unacceptable and should not be dismissed. Otherwise, what kind of wife and mother would be so irresponsible to get drunk, get naked in a hot tub and not even come home to her family? Sure, if someone gets drunk they should not drive, but they should at least call home to say what has happened. It sounds like she's up to no good. And why does she need to be 'kidnapped" in the first place? Everyone is entitled to go out with their own friends once in a while, but 3 weekends in a row? I, for one, would not put up with this and I would have to have a real sit-down conversation with her. This does not seem like appropriate behavior for a wife or a mother. Sounds like she's going through a 'wild phase" in her life and if she's not careful she might find herself out of control. Try to talk with her and see if there's a reason for her irresponsible behavior. If she needs a night out with friends, she should go out for drinks or dinner once in a while like most spouses do, but to stay overnight and then to tell you she got naked in a hot tub suggests a deeper issue. Maybe, just maybe, she feels overwhelmed by motherhood and needs a brief holiday with just you and her; a romantic weekend or something. But if she continually wants to go out and have a good time without you then something's wrong and she needs to be called on it. It's not normal, it's not responsible and it's not acceptable. Good luck with this.

I see a lot of our spouses acting similarly. My husband will listen to the guys stories at work (maybe he makes some up of his own?). They will not admit to anyone that they are refusers and if that means they have to go naked in a hot tub, so be it.

Sounds like you guys need a babysitter and next time offer to go with her to find out what is really going on. Or just ask her to give you a weekend for the two of you to spend time together. This seems completely one sided to me. I feel for you.

Just so you know, the home nudist thing doesn't work... just ****** off the neighbors. Tried it out for fun.

Yea, total devotion mean trusting each other, but throw in booze and a good time, anything can happen, don't be naive, but don't go stupid with suspicion either.<br />
Unless you see the friends pick her up to go out, I suggest you connect with one of them to verify where she was. Yea, you are spying on her, but wife information sounds alarming. Like, were there other guy, guys at the hot tub, she sure won't tell you. If you find out where they will be, make the effort to either join them, or arrange babysitting just for an hour, so you can check on her. You do not want the situation to get out of hand in the real world. It only take an hour of drinking and things get freaky.

Actually, the latter, Tahoe

I am sorry but you need to get out and play... there is no reason for her to do it all... and honestly, she is probably playing more than you realize

Lost> Weird, isn't it? It makes no sense to me, either.<br />
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Tahoe> I'm not looking for pity or advice. I just thought I'd post what happened, as I can be myself here.

Oh, I got it, LadyC. :)

Sub-pervs, meh.

I have nothing good to add. They've said it all.<br />
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Princess Ditchthewitch

" I need to decide which will be true in my world."<br />
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Yes Texas... both you and Bill need to do exactly this... because until you decide what you are going to accept as "truth", you cannot even begin to make any other decisions.

She knows how I feel about these 'gods and goddesses' nonsense.

Well... I have to say that if you can accept that looking at a picture is cheating... then just where does sitting naked in a hot with other naked people of both sexes, and posing nude ("some" consider nude photos *********** by the way) for a calendar fit into the whole scheme of things?<br />
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You need to get real. And, no, looking at a picture is not the same as having intercourse with them. Duh...<br />
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I mean after all, if you kept looking at pictures of food instead of eating the real thing, you would starve to death, right.<br />
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If that's what y'all want to believe, well, starve on...

How about ordering up one of those portable hot tubs and telling her you've invited some friends over tonight. An eight person hot tub has room for you and seven women, at least! She can be the seventh..

No, Texas is right - she feels that viewing **** is the same as cheating.

This is not a wall my friend... we're talking planetary rift... we're talking separate planets...<br />
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All bets are off... do whatever you like... hire a babysitter and do a little "naked worshiping" of your own. Let her have a heart attack... maybe it'll reset the damn thing.<br />
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...and GaDad's response to the shot about ****... Perfection! Someone should post that big and bold for all who get that particular restriction applied. Just because you don't want to have sex does NOT give you the right to decide if I am allowed to look at **** or **********. Period.

Indeed. At first, I didn't care as much, as the guys in her circle of friends are all "plus sized", kilt-wearing men who smell of pachouli.

Dude....you are being used and abused! Lay down the law on whats fair! You got nuthin to lose!

That's just it - if I were to go somewhere overnight, and tell her I got very drunk and hung out in a hot tub naked with a bunch of people, she'd have a heart attack. And to stick me with the children every time for three weekends. Wow. Granted, she is only 30, but it seems weird that she went from Ms. "I am against girls who take their clothes off for money", to doing nude photo shoots for her 'naughty pagan calendar' thing.<br />
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I'd say that wall is getting up there.

Yeah, it's not just gals. She's into her Pagan religion, which I have no interest in (or any type of religion, for that matter), and her friends there were both men and women.<br />
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All in all, it's just another brick in the wall.