"you Don't Get It! Because " You Don't Deserve It "

      Hi, Yup, another neglected newbie! Ha Ha Ha! Might as well laugh can't CRY anymore. Iv'e been with my husband for 16 years. Obviously 5 years TOO LONG! That's around how long we average MAYBE once a month. Now I know to some of you that may seem sufficient but alas I am NOT a SEXUAL CAMEL I need more than monthly maintenance. I am a woman with a healthy, normal sexual appetite. My husband has made it his personal business to deprive me of anything he can. He used to neglect the kids & I by taking off with all of our money. I cured that by getting a job. NO MORE FINANCIAL POWER right? Wrong! He just looks for the next thing he can deprive you of. LIKE SEX! When he started withholding sex it was for punishment purposes. I was told that " I DON'T DESERVE SEX "  I warned him that he was playing a dangerous GAME several times. Well five years later he's still FRIGID. Today I gave him an option since he can't seem to wrap his mind around a divorce as I have asked for one several times. Today he was told that he has a decision to make either we enter an OPEN MARRIAGE or we get divorced. After I realized that I was being FAR TOO GENEROUS & told him that I will decide for myself after all it might suck up ANOTHER 5 years of my life. NO there is NO FIXING this! He has known how I feel for years now.It just isn't a priority to him. O.K. COOL! I have finally come to realize that " I'M NOT THE ONE WHO NEEDS FIXING " STAY AWAY FROM CONTROL FREAKS! A word from the wise. Thanks everyone for your time it's really nice to meet you all. Have a Happy Day! Despite it all, it's the best revenge :)
vintage67 vintage67
11 Responses Aug 4, 2010

I'm just wondering why you stayed instead of served him?

That's great if that's how you feel. But Maybe I HAVE FOUGHT and just don't want to fight for something that JUST ISN'T THERE ANYMORE! I've heard that love is blind, does that mean that it has to be IGNORANT TOO! I truely wish you the best no matter what you feel and pray that you will be happy.

Yay Vintage! You go girl! And I do mean GO! Leave his sorry *** behind and don't look back!

Good Day to my new group. I hope that you are all well and good. Thanks for all the support and well wishes. Just in case anyone needs to know WHAT I've done in effort to save this SITUATION I can't call it a marriage anymore. I have lost weight, worn sexy clothes, listened to him whine forever about work, got a job. Which of course he had a problem with. I have made physical gestures to show interest and YES even begged THAT won't happen again. For 5 years!!!!! What the hell is wrong with me????? Now, that I've given my head a shake...... It is WHAT IT IS! Yup! Tried counselling too. What a mistake.... all he did was lie and try to justify everything he did. You know, validating his abusive nature. I am so happy to be able to talk about this now. Thanks Again :)

LadyinCognito,<br />
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These people will never tell you what to do to deserve sex. I begged my husband to tell me what we can do to make it better. The answers are vague. He says I make him feel like not having sex because of my actions which I am never told. what they those actions are

This is for Sarah: You forgot to suggest back rubs and scented candles. Oh yeah, nobody here has tried anything. Now head over to the children's section would you.

Hello sarah. <br />
Reckon you will get a kicking as a result of your comment.<br />
Might be wise to do what you suggest ("explore around a bit") yourself by reading a fair few stories in this group. <br />
If you are still convinced' after you've had a look, that ILIASM members are all prone to throw up their hands and bale out of their marriages at the first hurdle after, I would be very surprised. It ain't like that, though if you look at an isolated story here and there - possibly written by someone in extremes of anger or deespair - it may appear so.<br />
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Happy reading.

I tried the open marriage thing. He may say yes to it but he will resent you later. I am beginning to wonder if these men do this just to be ********.

Pla<x>yers of games need a playmate.<br />
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When he twigs that you are no longer playing, he may bring out a few toys and baubles to entice you to play the game a bit longer.<br />
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It's a **** game, and your refusal to participate in it any further is wise.<br />
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Once you withdraw from the game, and the playmate who makes and revises the rules of the game, the sooner you become what you want to be.<br />
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Looks like you know all this already, so I'll shut up now.

They can't see that your serious because " IT ISN'T ABOUT THEM " Tunnel vision you know 'What about me " These are basically self minded individuals. That's pretty much what it all boils down to. They don't have the problem "THEY " are fine we're the one's that suffer. That's why we are all in this forum. Unless of course your problem is medical well that's different. You then may have a GOOD reason for not being intimate.

Oh yeah, control is won of the issues for sure. I was about to once a month when I left. I was originally hoping that she might see just how serious I was, but instead she decided she would up the stakes. Has since taken it to once every 2 months (or just when she needs it I guess).<br />
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A couple things she has said to me were: "So you thought by moving out it would make things better, well obviously that back fired on you." and "well my friend has only had sex with her husband 4 times in the last year, so you should consider yourself lucky."<br />
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I am no longer accepting her offers - if you want to call them that. I am finding myself someone new.<br />
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Good luck to you, you are doing the right thing.