Asexual Husband*******Honey moon sex scarce, after honey moon once every month, then once every 3 months....2nd year of marriage haven't had sex in close to 6 months*****
it's 3 am ... i am sitting in the living room, thinking about what i am missing out on by being in this marriage. Our 2 year anniversary we went out for a double feature movie, the most we did was hold hands...
Let me rewind and tell you part of my story. I am a 28 year old naturalized American citizen of Middle-Eastern Christian Ethnic Background. i have no kids and is saddened by that.
i am multilingual and educated. i have confidence in myself and able to hold my ground in a discussion. He loved those things about me in the beginning. I am married to an American Caucasian guy, he's 32 years old and an artist. We have not had sex since April 2010.
He is also a very kind person, and loves my family and seems to be faithful to our marriage..... H e says that the reason that he doesn't like to have sex is his back, and then goes to the gym and works out like a maniac!! He's not abusive to me , although i think being in a sexless marriage like this is a form of emotional abuse, to make things worse he mentions that he checked out many books about having sex without straining his back.... i knew that this was another excuse, but things didn't add up in my head until recently, which made me feel even DUMBER...But I didn't realize that he was asexual until recently.
He's the only man i know that doesn't think about sex frequently, doesn't get aroused by things that your average guy gets aroused by. He would not even notice it. It hurts so bad.... i feel that something was broken in me, and instead there is this even person that took over my passionate/ fun/ humorous nature. i feel that i complement everyone around me and i have not been sincere about what is going on inside of me. i sometimes drive my car fast on the highway and scream so loud because i can't release this agony anywhere else.
He's my only sexual partner in my entire life, i was a "good girl" and waited for someone i knew i was going to be married to but that didn;t matter. i was in for a huge disappointment. what hurts even more is that i get asked about why we don't have kids if i want kids................? My mother asks me and i lie all the time , and i tell her it's our finances, he asked that we wait until 2011 to have kids...
Last year after our first anniversary i decided to lock up all my bridal lingerie ( i had about 30 pieces of different cute baby dolls and cute stuff to wear to impress him... He never missed it, never suggested i would slip something nice on, like nothing happened and it broke my heart)
As you have guessed ; Our only problem is sex...
We both have our college degrees and have crappy income. We met in 2005 and got married in 2008. While we were engaged he made up reasons on why he wouldn't touch me and push me away. i used to cry so hard and think that i am un-attractive, but the moment i go outside to the mall or something, sometimes guys would hit on me or ask me out.
he says he was sexually molested by his Dad when he was 5 years old... and that's why he doesn't want to initiate sex.
The strange part is that he wants kids and doesn't want me to cheat. This is where he becomes selfish, he doesn't want me to have a fling or any kind of a sexual affair with anyone. i am honestly not wanting to do anything with anyone because i feel that the passion in me is gone. i don't think i can ignite, light up for someone.
i am so tense all over my body, i feel way older... i feel like a burlap sack, lumpy, unattractive and almost inanimate.
I am not sure what to do?
What should i do???????
I love him (on a level above sex, i don't feel sexually attracted to him), at the same time i am suffering and he's not wanting to bother even discuss the issue.
If you were in my shoes what would you do?