Anyone Lost A Monk?

After reading so many articles here, I realised a fatal oversight on my part.
I had NEVER done the sexy lingerie thing.
So, as we are in a TRYING to make things work phase, I decided to right this wrong.
However, after years of rejection, I took the easy way out. I didn't immediately head out and buy anything. Thought I'd titillate my H first!
So, I pulled up the webpage on VS and showed him the sexy lingerie and asked him to pick out anything that caught his fancy.
H pulled his eyes away from the TV and looked at the webpage.

H: (Carefully looking at it and with a straight face) "How expensive are they?"
Me: (Deep breaths, remember, still working on it) "Don't worry about it. Just tell me what you'd like to see me in."
H: (Looking at the page again, no interest on face) Grunt. (No flicker of sexual interest or lust on the face!!!!!)

And he went back to his TV show. So, there I sat, holding my laptop with pictures of sexy women in lingerie. Very calmly, I shut down my laptop and walked off. 

So, my question is this.
Is there any monastery out there which is missing a monk? I think I've found him in my house.
Please call to collect at the earliest!

eternalhope eternalhope
41-45, F
15 Responses Aug 5, 2010

@light - I don't get wined and dined either because that would also be a waste of money. H has NEVER even given me A flower!!!! Hoping for when I die :)<br />
@S7 - My cat would kick him out...the cat is getting more action!<br />
@gav - true... beggars can't be choosers! Unfortunately, for an asexual guy, NOTHING is a turn on... so it's pretty hopeless here.

I can't understand some men! I am ALWAYS up for it! I get very frustrated getting turned down night after night... Sometimes after my wife has been chatting online to other Iranians (I don't know what she's talking about because my Persian language skills are so limited) and she comes to bed, she is fully wet before we even start cuddling and I think WOW, some other guy must have got her into that state and maybe that's why she wants to do it with me now {'cause the other guy is on the other side of the world and I'm the one who's here beside her}. Now I am tempted to feel jealous, but what the heck, beggars can't be chosers, so I'm just going to enjoy what ever I can get. Even if she's thinking of other guys when we do it, I never hear their names, so it's fine by me!

I'd go broke.<br />
I'd have to break out a second credit card once the other one melted.<br />
<br />
This is beyond me. He needs checked in to a mental hospital.<br />
If only my wife would do such a thing… AFTER she wears some of the stuff I bought her over 10 years ago that still has the tags on them. This is starting to get depressing again…

WP - second the notion. I'm sure between us we could come up with a suitably HIGH cliff... don't want to take any chances.

Hehe, yes, that is such a shame... :)<br />
<br />
What really is a shame is the struggle to justify that being the one that wants it more is equally "valuable" as the part that does not as much.<br />
<br />
I feel sometimes, not wanting sex as much as I is the "right" pattern of behavior.<br />
That is why I appreciate people on EP, to see we are in numbers! <br />
<br />
Are you able to enjoy sex with yourself? Maybe turning focus on yourself and your own pleasure would make you feel stronger, in a way...? <br />
<br />
To deny intimacy is a too powerful control position in a relationship.<br />
<br />
Hugs to you

@Philias- what a sweet thing to say! I agree... Why couldn't we have met???? LOL<br />
I won't take your bet because you'd lose! My H is asexual so it's been the same from the beginning!

ha ha ha....I left a GIANT book about SEX complete with tons of photos first laying in the bathroom then in the living room..hoping that I would come home & find him looking at that instead of the televison..NOT....I think he is embarrassed by me & for me as I keep suggesting things....

Dear Eternalhope, <br />
<br />
I almost got tears in my eyes when I read your story. To reject your initiative like that... totally heartbreaking. Maybe lingerie is not the right thing, but just grunt like a pig...!!?<br />
I would have been SO happy, that is for sure...<br />
<br />
I am living with one of the Nuns when it comes to lingerie and sexual communication... like bazzar mentioned, I would love to see her show that she wants me, by wearing lingerie... having bought "tons" of lingerie (in which my wife looks absolutely stunning!), in addition to her closet being full of nice lingerie (bachelorette party gifts - never worn), she does not even try to meet me half way, or respond with her desires or wishes.<br />
<br />
Why do we end up like this... each of us with on different poles of sexual drive and ambitions (or non-existent..). To me, having a good sex life as man and wife (i.e. good communication, hugging and kissing a lot in daily life, being intimate frequently etc) is the clue to a solid marriage. <br />
<br />
What has happened to your guy, I bet it was not the same guy you married... Is there another way to awaken his libido..?<br />
<br />
Why did not we hook up...? ;)

@Yem - I donated my honeymoon lingerie to charity. At least let someone else get some fun out of it!!!<br />
@ pinky & fur - Day at the spa! <br />
@ lilt - looking into investments now. Preparing for the next life.<br />
@ MIF, WUIT & bazaar - If only ALL the guys were like you! *sigh*<br />
@Drycreek - I'm glad he didn't pretend. Imagine the money wasted buying it and then...NOTHING! <br />
Even worse!<br />
@hvac - Humour is the only thing left :(

EH, send the van along to pick up my H as well. Its almost funny, but it is not. I had the VS conversation with my H during the honeymoon period ... hey look at the catalogue, what to you like, what do you prefer? I so wanted to know what would turn him on. Uhm, nothing. If he meant I love you nude, well okay .. but nope, nope, nope. Well, I hate to even remember this but a good friend gave me a silky negligee for the wedding eve / honeymoon (gift she brought to me and gave at the wedding)... never worn. No interest in the frills of it or the thrills of it. I still have it and run across it now and again, ouch.

Or don't buy buy anything.<br />
<br />
I love your story, Hope.<br />
Refusers don't care how pretty it's packaged. All they want is control. <br />
<br />
I appreciate the comments of support you received. But buying yourself gifts is probably not going to solve any problems .<br />
<br />
I would invest that $$ in an IRA and some of the toys on that website.

Eternal Hope, you renew my faith in people, you have the patience of a saint, not to say anything mean, hateful, just to get him. i think i can be passive aggressive when rejected, but you know what when i decided to remove all my bridal lingerie and store it away since we are not using it ... :( his reaction was almost similar yo your H...<br />
Gosh when will the monastery pick up mine, may be they will get a ride together !!<br />
Here is a suggestion, " with the money that you were going to buy the lingerie, buy yourself something only you can use, a book you have always wanted, perfume, pretty dress...etc" How about joining a group meeting on weekly bases to meet other people, because am sorry , but obviously he seems like he's not worth your time, this week at least.

Eternal Hope, you renew my faith in people, you have the patience of a saint, not to say anything mean, hateful, just to get him. i think i can be passive aggressive when rejected, but you know what when i decided to remove all my bridal lingerie and store it away since we are not using it ... :( his reaction was almost similar yo your H...<br />
Gosh when will the monastery pick up mine, may be they will get a ride together !!<br />
Here is a suggestion, " with the money that you were going to buy the lingerie, buy yourself something only you can use, a book you have always wanted, perfume, pretty dress...etc" How about joining a group meeting on weekly bases to meet other people, because am sorry , but obviously he seems like he's not worth your time, this week at least.

More than a bit clueless, eh? Really, would it have been so hard to feign interest and pick something at random?<br />
<br />
Trust me... not a normal guy reaction.

Appears there is also a village out there missing its' idiot !!<br />
<br />
My lover, who looks desirable in garden stained tracky daks and ugg boots, sometimes 'value adds' via the medium of alluring undies. <br />
<br />
I find the sight very exciting, but I find the thought, that she wants to look sexy / feels sexy / wants me to . . . . yes well, you get the picture - even more exciting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!