I Noticed I Only Write During Crisis - So Here Are Some Positive Developments

Well...it's coming along. Slowly for sure. But, it is coming.

I think we broke through a dynamic recently. It caused something to shift. I basically just decided to stop holding on. Not leave. Just let go. I took space for a few days and went to a friends house and stayed for a bit. I wasn't mean or vindictive in the way I did it, but I wasn't open and reassuring either.

Apparently, he felt this shift and it really freaked him out. I have never had so many I love you texts...calls and so much outreach on his part during this entire relationship.

I told him that he could leave and I would be okay with him taking the space, if that is what he needed to heal and deal with his OCD and anxiety issues. He said that he was going to go, but that was over a week and a half ago and instead of leaving, he has been calling to follow up on his therapy appointments, he started taking medication for his anxiety, and he has been listening to meditation and buddhist philosophy talks. (We listen together at the end of the day and we lay on the floor and stretch together). He has scheduled a appointment with a holistic physician to address the possible physical component in the sex area. We spent the day together yesterday, and I have to say, it was the first romantic day that I can remember in ages. We took a road trip and then came back and walked for two hours and we even kissed and made out a little.

This is all very new and time will tell where it will all lead.

We are going to continue in couple's therapy. He is seeking out a individual therapist as am I.

It is obvious that my husband loves me. I have been taking what he isn't capable of do to severe anxiety and OCD issues as willful neglect on his part. He has been running to protect himself, and I was becoming more and more bitter. Toxic and explosive stuff. I will no longer abide with him not addressing these issues, if we are to continue in this relationship. But, I do see some glimmers of hope if we both continue to address our demons...mine being codependence and avoidance to the enth degree.

We have always pushed each other to move forward in the years of this relationship, in many ways. This is a big test and obstacle that we have yet to overcome. Probably the biggest challenge we have faced thus far as we are both up against our core **** and it would be really easy to just scapegoat the relationship and try to run away to the temporary comfort and high of a new lover or relationship.

We have lots of work to do, but I have to say, this is the first time I have seen real possibility since we started the therapy.

Trying to stay with it, not run from it, not judge the future on it, just try to build from where we are now. And, be okay with however this shakes out.

I wanted to check in because it is very easy to run here when everything is crisis and tough and then, if things go a little smoother or improve that doesn't get recorded. So, I thought I would share some of the good.

Thanks all
rosedl rosedl
41-45, F
3 Responses Aug 5, 2010

Thanks all.<br />
<br />
It has been a good week. The best part of this is my emancipation from my neediness of him and letting go of trying to control a situation that is out of my control. The relief is profound. <br />
<br />
I will be fine with or without him. <br />
<br />
Sex is still a deal breaker, but that can't happen until all this other **** is worked through. In the meantime, I think we have a chance to fall in love all over again.<br />
<br />
Time will tell.

Hi Rose<br />
<br />
I think if both of you ate prepared to work on your own issues AND the relationships issues, you are almost certain of success. The trouble starts when one or both partners decide they no longer want to put in the effort. <br />
<br />
I'm really glad for you that things are going better. I hope you and your h will be one of the few success stories we get to see in this group. <br />
<br />
All the best!

Today is better. That's good. <br />
Yesterday is done.<br />
Tomorrow is yet to happen.<br />
<br />
Live in the moment, it's all we have.<br />
<br />
With TWO people working on the marriage involving TWO people, you are in with a shot.<br />
With the same two people also working on their OWN issues, you have an even better shot.<br />
<br />
Count today in the 'Win' column. Start tomorrow afresh.<br />
<br />
Geez I hope you guys get the result you seek.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.