Non Affectionate Hubby

met and married my second husband in a matter of 2 mos. I had been a widow for 5 and a half years, was 51 and figured I knew what I was doing. WRONG!! We didn't know each other that well and he is bi-polar and extremely depressed and verbally abusive. I had a marvelous first marriage for 28 years, when my husband died from brain cancer. I KNOW WHAT A GOOD MARRIAGE IS. My husband now is on tons of meds for his condition and he says, as well as the docs, that it has killed his libido. WHAT AN UNDERSTATEMENT...we have been married for a year and 7 mos and have probably been intimate 6 times...me always on top. I'm so sexually frustrated I could scream. I want to stay married and I want him well..and well dang..I JUST WANT HIM. He doesn't hold my hand, never did...doesn't hug...never did...his kisses are more like brotherly pecks. I think he could be bi-sexual..but I'm not sure. I'm so lonely...I'm so horny..BUT I will not be unfaithful...anyone out there understand me???
chica0273 chica0273
51-55, F
3 Responses Aug 6, 2010

This is going to be harsh, and brutal. <br />
Let me apologise in advance.<br />
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This condition is unfortunate to say the least.<br />
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But it is a buster. You have to cut your losses and get out. <br />
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Best that only one persons life gets totally ****** up here. Not two.<br />
This is harsh, and unsympathetic. He cannot help having what he has. But what he has is going to preclude him from being what you need. <br />
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I am really sorry that you have been drawn into this dynamic. And that fate dealt him such a crook hand. <br />
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An orderly withdrawal from the situation - with all the pain and guilt and regret that entails - is likely to prove to be your only choice.<br />
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It's going to be tough - no matter what you choose, but if you get out, at least the angst and agony will have a purpose - when you come out the other end of it.<br />
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I am feeling for you Chica.

Enna..you are right..I do't want to hear that.. I guess I know in my heart he won't change...but I'm like the kid that asked for a pony for Christmas and got a pile of manure instead. Much to the extreme amazement of all..he jumped right in the crap and started digging...when someone asked him..what in t WORLD he was doing...he said, "I KNOW THERE IS A PONY IN HERE SOMEWHERE"

No need to be unfaithful. Just need to acknowledge that you made a mistake. Sounds like your loneliness drove you too quickly into a marriage with someone you did not know well enough. Now you are finding the marriage is a mistake. You are only a year into it. There are no children I presume. Time to admit, first to yourself and then to him, that it IS a mistake. Then make the necessary adjustments . . . . <br />
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Undoubtedly you are not yet ready to hear this - but it remains true unfortunately. By all means work through all your issues, but do NOT expect him to change. He won't. It does not happen.