I Finally Cheated . . . At Least Now I Know The Score

Haven't been on for so long! For those who don't know, i'm 23 my husband is 35, I have a 2 year old son and I live in a loveless marriage. We've been together nearly 7 years and he's never taken me anywhere in that whole time. He always had an excuse but now I see he just can't be bothered. We might go places together but usually I pay and if he does the whole night would be planned by me.
Never got an anniversary gift and got a birthday pres twice in 7 years, and it's nothing to do with money or remembering.

In the past he's spent all our money on weed and put us in debt and now I might have to take a year out of University cos I just can't afford it anymore and it's meant to be my last year in September.

He's lied for nearly 10 months that he would get a job and only just started looking now. I've been supporting all 3 of us out of my student loan which is only for one person. When he was working or had benefit he spent it all and lied that he'd paid bills till the reminder letters came.

We hardly ever have sex, any time we ever do it's instigated by me. No kissing, no touching. It got so bad that I just gave him blow jobs and other than that there was no contact.

When we argue he brings up the fact that i've been raped before and been in an abusive relationship before and says at least he doesn't beat and rape me.

After all this time of being so lonely and feeling like I must be so ugly then when I went out with a friend and her work friends I met someone that was interested in me and actually found me attractive. All the memories of what is like to be liked and wanted came back and I didn't want it to end.

I tried to kid myself that it was OK. At least I was keeping the family together. My son would have his dad there and there would be no more arguments cos I wouldn't ask for sex, intimacy or to spend time with him anymore and there would be someone else who if nothing else liked me and I could have some happiness in my life when i'm with them.

He said he loved me, that he wanted to look after me and be a step-dad to my son and after we had sex he said he doesn't want to get hurt and basically asked me to leave. He said sorry after, but by then I had already gone home with a twice broken heart.

Now I feel so guilty for what I have done, and I came home and tried again and things were OK for a few days then things went back to how they were.

Feeling so lonely. He makes me feel like it's not normal to be horny and says I should go to the doctors that there's something wrong with me when he needs to go and refuses.

Before I used to dream. What would it be like if he loved me. How good and intense would that be.

Then it was I wish there was someone out there someone who loved me and wanted me but cheating just showed me that there is no-one else just pain.

Just pain and loneliness. So now I can choose. Pain and loneliness or just loneliness . . .

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Just to add to this. He promised that if I went to counselling he would go too as he thought it was unfair that he should only go. I've been going for about 6 months now and now he says he's not going cos it won't help and it's too hard.
unyummymummy unyummymummy
26-30, F
6 Responses Aug 6, 2010

YOU can do better! I hope you have since this was written.

sex is not everything ,its insecurity for love is what a special the feelings of careness by someone , its not about a sex or horniness and i am sure your not feeling that with your husband a<br />
<br />
i can see that yur husband and that other guy is using you, your are still young ,you should gave up your self to someone like that and u should not waste ur life with such a loser's , he is not worth any of it ,be strong and take's your friends and family advice and may be you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, right

You've wasted enough time on this loser. Get out - get back to university and build yourself a brilliant new life. What could you possibly regret?? x

Yeah, I have and will work more on myself which was why I wne to University and now have friends and go out which I never did before but I just feel like such a failure and a *****.

Apologies in advance for what is going to seem judgemental and harsh.<br />
<br />
Addiction = dealbreaker.<br />
<br />
Suggestion.<br />
12 step programs exist for assorted addictions.<br />
Usually, hanging off say 'Narcotics Anonymous' is a 12 step program for family of the addict. Probably 'Narc Anon'. Look it up in the phone book.<br />
Ring the number.<br />
Go to the meeting.<br />
Involve yourself in the meeting.<br />
Start to understand the insidious nature of addiction.<br />
Work, work, work. on yourself.<br />
<br />
You will note that I have not mentioned him at all.<br />
That is because YOU cannot do for HIM what HE has to do for HIMSELF.<br />
<br />
Your way forward will become clear to you soon enough.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Why do you stay? Your H offers nothing - no emotional support, no financial support, and buys weed? Do you want your kid to see that? You can do better and deserve to do better. You're doing this all on your own anyways. . . . my guess is that things will get easier if you drop the loser. There are men out there who will act responsibly and take you to bed like you deserve.