I Don't Know...

I am giving up, giving up even writing this.. what is the point? The one person who should read it and understand it will never read it, let alone understand it. I can't bring myself to have an affair although she has told me to go **** a ***** if I want to... such an open-minded wife - one would think... she tells me she I cannot be intimate... and may be I cannot, but after all these years, I am beginning to realize, it is she who has a problem with intimacy.

Now we are at a point where we cant even seem to talk in a civil fashion. I just hope I wont blow up one of these days. If it were not for our son - he is way too sensitive, I would have left a long time ago. I tell myself... a few more years until he goes to college...

Sigh!
vnomat vnomat
41-45
6 Responses Aug 7, 2010

Thank you for all your comments. It does help. Recently I dug out emails we had exchanged before we got married and came across one where she had written a poem. I read it and it brought tears. I emailed her saying I still have feelings for her and apologized for a silly fight we had that morning. I mean any exchange degrades into a fight quickly. She responded saying that it was incredible that I could cry. I also offered that we should go see a counselor. She responded saying that I ought to do three things and only then it is worthwhile for her to go to the counselor.<br />
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Now granted, she has gone through a lot herself bringing up our only son. He has special needs. However from the very beginning, she wanted things to be done her way. I am trying to tell her, it is okay for a kid to be treated differently by a father and mother; in fact kids probably needs to experience both father and mother as different people. There can be guidelines, but within those each adult should deal with their kids differently, and who knows what works! Unsuccessfully, I should add. She has no time nor sensitivity for nuances, at least it seems to me. Sometimes she is like a child and often I think since she has had a very touch childhood, having to take on responsibilities too soon, she thinks she is the only adult in the house.<br />
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Ugh... I don't even know where to start... there are enough external stresses with insurance companies, workplace pressures, poor economy and so on... why is it not so clear to some that they are not the only one shouldering the burden! If you listen to her, I have been having a ball while she has been bearing the brunt of the work. If I don't do something at a pace that she demands, it is as good as not done! I feel silly and childish even sharing this. I am sure, at least based on the comments, most folks go through this. I know there will be all kind of tensions, but it is how we deal with it that matters and having regular sex is a great antidote to a lot of stresses.<br />
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I can't seem to get that through to her...<br />
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Thank you again for your comments. They do help alleviate some of the pain.

Never mind a ***** - why don't you find a warm, compassionate, gorgeous woman who loves sex? Sound better? And why shouldn't you? <br />
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Think about what you really want - if you want to go, perhaps you should. If you want to stay, think about what you need. Stay here and talk though - it helps xxx

I feel your pain. I am right where you are, thinking what's the point?<br />
My H seems to string me along do. In that he professes to desire and love me with his words, just not with his actions. Bottom line, I still don't get any intimacy and I am still wondering, what's the point? And when will I say STOP?

Welcome to the college brigade. Waiting for my son to go off to college so I can sail off into my new life. I agree with @bazaar, use the time to plan your new course for the future. Re-focus and you won't care about W and the tension at home may reduce.

I feel your pain vnomat. I have 2 sons and I have thought a lot about what it will do to them if I go, but there comes a time when you have to think about what you want for the future. As for not talking in a civil fashion, I've been there too. It's just like the lack of intimacy: a brick wall that can't be knocked down. We all deserve love and happiness and if that means changing you life for the better, then you must seriously think about that.

welcome.<br />
Appears your spouse has no interest in addressing her role in 'the marriage' being unhappy. <br />
As long as that attitude persists 'the marriage' is dead in the water.<br />
Doesn't mean you have to go down with the ship. You might want to check out where the lifeboats are now. Maybe plan which boat you are going to get on if 'the marriage' sinks.<br />
You have fired off a distress flare by virtue of your story. I've seen it. So will others.<br />
Now you need to fire one off right in front of your Co-Skippers face. And be prepared for the fact that she can't see that 'the SS Marriage" is sinking. Or, she may not care it is. <br />
That is entirely HER choice. All you have to do is present her with the facts, and the options.<br />
If you can, take your sensitive cabin boy with you. It will do his eventual ability as a helmsman no good at all to witness one of the Co-Skippers banging the SS Marriage into the rocks.<br />
Tread your own path. Good luck.